I don't know whats wrong with me?

[Mose]

I'm not telling you my age, but I am under 18.
Lately I've been getting really sad, like last night I was lying in bed just thinking, and then I started crying because I was thinking of every single flaw I have, and everything that has made me sad in the past. I couldn't fall asleep until like 4:30 in the morning because my mind was racing. I've had these type of nights a lot within the past two years, and I haven't told anyone. It was pretty bad last night, though. I ended up running into the bathroom... and I almost threw up, willingly. I was about to do it, thinking of everything thats wrong with me. I was seriously ready to do it, but then I stopped myself, and I stood up from the toilet. I told myself that I'm better than that. But I really, really wanted to and that's what made me upset. I wanted to do those things to myself? I know the side effects of forcing yourself to throw up, but I didn't really care. I also almost cut myself a few times before, but instead sometimes to get my mind off things I put my nails forcefully into my arm, I have little marks but its nothing noticeable. I feel really dumb, fat, ugly, and anything else you can think of all the time. It's not like I want to feel like this, because I don't. I always feel self-conscious, and I always get anxious when I see someone I know. Is that normal? Because it always happens. Today was Fee Day at my school and my hands were literally shaking because I didn't want to go in. I tried to convince my dad that we can go next week, but we went today instead. I don't think my dad realized anything was up, he just thought I was being lazy. So when we got in, I got really self conscious and started sucking my gut and pulling at my shirt and stuff. I don't know whats wrong with me. My mom realized that a number of times (me getting anxious about little things that shouldn't matter) and she suggested therapy. I refused, because I don't want to look like a freak who needs therapy regularly. I guess I kind of am, though. I can barely ever get to sleep before 1am nowadays, and my sleeping schedule is really weird. A couple weeks ago I fell asleep at like 3 and then woke up at 7, and I wasn't tired the whole day. That's happened some times, but not very frequently. But then one night I felt really tired and fell asleep at like 11ish and then woke up at 2pm, and I was really confused. I always feel regretful when I eat something. I tried telling my friend the other day, but she seemed really happy and I didn't want to screw up her mood/day just because I'm turning into a freak. I spend most my time on the computer (usually tumblr/twitter) because no one can judge me, because they don't know what I look like. Honestly I just don't feel good... can someone please help me? I just want to know whats happening to me. My brother is in jail, my greatgrandmother died in March, but I've had these feelings way before that even. Please, please help me. I'd really appreciate it... thank you so much. xx

[GSP]

Wow that was long lol but anywas it sound like you might have depression and need to go see a doctor.

[Qiss Ti]

you need to seek a mental doctor. you don't sound that serious to me. these things happen with everyone but you need to see someone before it gets worse

[Ibrahim]

Your fine bro, your just going thru that high school age, everyone basically feels like that at some point in their youth. Just stay strong and find a cool hobby and focus on that, focus on your school work, and fuck what other people say or think. stay strong dude peace out.

[Hanna]

oh honey...don't ever feel that way about yourself. at such a young age, you haven't found yourself yet so it's hard to experiment with different emotions and accept yourself. everyone has an awkward stage in their lives, and you have to get through it. it sucks but the only way to get over it is just to push through and let time do its magic. in middle school, i was extremely awkward and only had a couple of close friends. i was taller than all of my friends and had bigger boobs, so i would only wear huge sweaters to cover myself. i wore no makeup and was generally insecure about myself. however, as soon as i entered a different high school than my friends, i feel like i completely changed as a person. i met some new and incredible people who have made a profound difference in my life. im not afraid to be in my own skin right now, i wear whatever i want and i don't care about what people think. and you know what? i've found that if i don't care about what people think, people won't even care to judge me. if you can accept yourself then WHO CARES about what others think? i hope you can find peace with yourself. from the way you wrote this i can tell that you are a beautiful young lady with a big heart and even bigger potential in life. you were given life and you can either hide behind yourself or accomplish everything that you want, so i say go with the second option. if all else fails, counselors are actually pretty awesome good luck sweetie xoxo

[Cookiezz]

This might sound a little weird but I've been through exactly the same things as you. My mom also suggested therapy but I refused. I was a little depressed for a while and honest to god your are not ugly and you most definitely are not fat!! I think you should just start occupying your mind in other activities with people just like you so these thoughts don't pop up. TRUST MEE!!! it really helps! Depression was almost like a phase for me.. But then I started painting to keep myself occupied and believe me it works! And yes I still have my ups and downs now and then.. But it's a lot better now! And I know that this is probably the last thing you wanna hear but please take therapy it really does help! I really hope you feel better!!

[The man in the pic]

Sounds like your depressed, and I'm sure you not like that but ya it's normal to feel that way... Wait there are side affects to making yourself throw up? What! Uhh

[Angie]

Your not a freak. Its normal. And going to therapy doesnt make you a freak i bet half the kids in your grade go to therapy. People always tend to find all the faults in themselves and try to measure up to other people. And truth is most people dont even notice the thing that you worry about like your hair or gut or the way you walk. Just tell your self your fine and that that person over there isnt perfect so why shuld i try to be? Dont resort to cutting yourself or puking theres no point. Unless you want to get institutionalized or people find out then theyll REALLY think your a freak but right now your fine you just have insecurities and social anxiety and that could be easily fixed witj therapy and or medication and nobody would have to know except your mom! Hope this helped and please please dont cut yourself or throw up to get skinny. Your beautiful. Dont let yourself think otherwise. (I know i cant see you but seriously everyone is beautiful in their own way. Think of the good things about yourself.maybe you have really pretty eyes or are excellent at math or great at art. Good luck

[Lujain]

Well that's a long story but you will be surprised if I tell you the sleeping part happens with me sometimes... but the point is that you're having a depression. I'm not going to tell you to go see a doctor cause you don't need any in this level all you need now is to tell your parents. your parents will never think you're a freak then you should start telling your best friends who you can always trust..and you should go out to get some fresh air when that happens,air always helps your brain to work. And if you live in a town near the sea like me you should visit the sea more often the sea helps in situations like this, and you can use a pet,a cat or a dog could help you pass these things and the barriers of your life.and the last thing,you should always try to be happy and think of something happy when you're sad.
Hope that helped and I really hope you feel better.
xx

[Katie]

I feel so bad for you. It might be good for you If you talked to an adult that you feel comfortable with. Your moms right with the therapy, you might think you'll be a freak, but know one has to know but u your mom and the therapist. In the mean while you need to relax. In bed go to be at like 9 think about the things you like and the things that are perfect in your life. Find a hobby or after school thing to do and if you like it commit to it and put all of your negative energy into becoming the best at. But the noticing every flaw is normal and being self couches is normal, but it is something that you need to learn to control. A therapist can help you with that kind of thing, so I think i would be really good for you if you went and saw one. If you see one, they might be able to give you medicine for anxiety and other problems you might have. through your teen age years it is normal to develop new emotions, but if your constantly unhappy with how you look, or feel then you might just need somebody to talk too. The therapist won't judge you at all and should also give you good advise. BTW Cutting is something that if your doing should get attention because your feeding your pain even more and that is not good. Also weight insecurities are sometimes health issues and can lead to health problems. In conclusion no one deserves to be unhappy especially you. Now even though I don't know you I really want you to be happy.

P.S. If your religious you may want do become more in touch with your god thats what helps me.