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Jenna · 10-01-2012, 04:10 PM

Hi guys. So basically I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, living together for 4 and a half. We have talked about the future and ending up married but neither of us are ready for that at this point as I still have stuff I want to accomplish before doing so and am not in a rush. We are best friends though have an active sex life and spend almost all of our free time together. We do fight and have been fighting a bit more lately. He wants to make it as a producer and says that I hold him back (even though I have bought almost all his equipment, set up a music studio for him in the house , and encourage him to work on it) though yes sometimes maybe I do want too much of his attention which I realize. Anyways, He recently said he wants a break and is going to move out. After looking at places he was about to put an application in on one but didn't. That night he texted me and told me he really just needs a night to think and did not come home until the next morning. When he came home he told me he had missed me and isn't ready to move out and though he still wants a break and thinks we both need to grow individually, he doesn't want to move out. And that hopefully we will be able to work it out. That night he was all lovey and spent the whole night with me watching movies hanging out etc. now yesterday when he came home from work he was still nice but went into the other room to work on music (he's trying to make it as a producer) I had let him take my iPad with him to work and when he realized it was in the room with me came and asked to see it and then logged out of his instagram and twitter page, which insulted me, and then left. At this point I was offended and kind of just gave him the silent treatment and didn't bother him for about 3 hours while he worked on his music. When he finally came back into the room he saw that I wasn't talking to him and said "this is why I don't want a relationship" and that I'm "wack" I finally said what are you talking about you told me just yesterday you hope we can work things out eventually and that we just need a little space but you don't want to move out. He then said I misunderstood him and that he definitely needs a break and still feels he needs to live on his own at some point and that he had just missed me which is why he was being so lovey and that every day he feels a different way.
So basically I am SO confused. I know we're both young (24 and he's 26) but my emotions are just up and down. I definitely don't think theres anyone else in the picture but I just don't know what to do at this point. I love him and want it to work but I don't want to get strung along. Also, I have been paying a majority of the bills throughout our relationship and we currently live in a house we rent from my mom (all he pays is around $400 each month and he has his own studio room I helped him set up) and maybe I'm doing too much for him. I'm just confused and need some guidance or advice at this point. And is it even possible to live together when on a "break"? Should I leave for a while should I have him leave for a while or should I just give it space until it figures itself out?
Thanks guys

no1advice · 10-01-2012, 04:18 PM

Having a "break" is code for I am cheating. That's in Relationship 101 class.....you must have missed class that day.

Norcallia03 · 10-01-2012, 04:18 PM

Let me make this very clear...after 5 years together and he want's a "break" but isn't ready to move out yet, is code for "I'm seeing someone else, but I'm not sure if I like her more than you."

Marie · 10-01-2012, 04:18 PM

He is using you until he has money to leave or finds a new honey.

Rodrika · 10-01-2012, 04:18 PM

Sounds to me that your kinda like a sugar mama and he gets to make up all the rules? Since he is the one that suggested that you all have a break i think he should leave and i don't think you should wait around if he takes a long time to decide what it is that he really wants. A break means breaking up y'all are not together any more that means y'all don't stay together either.

Stephanie · 10-01-2012, 04:18 PM

Break up and move away. He'll keep on doing what he's doing until the next dumb chick comes along and then he'll do the same to her.

Betty M · 10-01-2012, 04:18 PM

You're so blind with love for him that you don't even see that he's been using you for for your money for years to support him and his musical dream. I know it's hard for you to admit that to your self, but you have to.

I hope you have kept all the receipts for the musical equipment you have paid for. Add up the total. Very calmly tell him you agree with him that the two of you need a break from each other. Since you're renting the house from your mom, he's the one who should move out. Tell him that since he owes you for all the musical equipment you paid for, then it will stay here at your house with you until he can pay you for it.

Now watch the true him come to the surface. He's going to throw a fit that you won't let him have all the musical equipment for free when he moves out. He's going to show you that he's only been using you for your money. The real reason he has been staying with you, is because it only cost him $400 a month to live with you and when he moves out, he'll have to completely support him self. That's why when he was going to move out, he changed his mind. He added up what it would cost to support him self without your pay check.

I know it's real hard to open your eyes and realize that the man you love has been financially using you for your money. It hurts and you don't want to believe it. But deep down you know it's true. Let him go, but keep the musical equipment. You can always sell it and get back some of the money you spent. Then start your new life without him, with your eyes open and learn by your mistake. Don't spend your money to buy things for some guy you're with. If he's a "real" man he won't ask you or let you do this. He'll either pay for the things he wants with his own money or do without. When you open your wallet and start buying things for a man, you attract the wrong kind of guy, who just wants to use you for your money.

Be strong and don't let this guy take advantage of you anymore. You've done way too much for him for way too long. Don't let him talk you into letting him have all that musical equipment when he moves out. That's just wrong!