After 4 years of Breaking my heart, and emotionally abusing me... I Still love my Ex Girlfriend?

[Justin]

They say time heals all wounds... I call Bullsh!t on that... I haven't spoken to her, nor looked at her facebook profile for over 4 years now... She has an xbox live account, so I finally gave into temptation the other day, and messaged her saying how long it's been. To my surprise, she actually answered, though not in voice, but in text. "A long time indeed" I can't for the life of me stop thinking about her, whether I be conscious or not. In my dreams I see her, and practically cry over how much I want our old life back.(We were together for a year and 2 months, and she was also my first gf/love.) It may sound painfully pathetic, but it's true. About 8 months into the relationship, she wanted to see me less and less, and made practically no effort into contacting me, nor starting conversations. Granted, I wasn't really a social guy, but we still went out to eat & watch movies, as well as going to walks time and again. We could only see each other on the weekends, still being in high school and all. So we usually made an effort to go out at least once every 2 weeks. Anyway, she realized she was being unfairly bitchy to me, and I was becoming clingy to her because I was afraid of losing her... Which, in my defence, I had a right to be, since she left me for someone else... Okay, I don't know that for sure, but a week after she left me, she was with someone else, and went with him to the Senior prom with the dress that I helped her pick out... The only school related thing I would've ever went to throughout my entire time in high school. In addition to that, she would make fun of my emotional side when I teared up at the end of sad movies.(The notebook is a good example) Also referring to me as an ass for making jokes she didn't like. She was quite the feminist as well... Not saying that's a bad thing, but every little thing I said that didn't revolve around women being perfect, etc, etc... She bitched at me for. However... I've dated other women since this girl, and not one of them even compared to the capacity of passion I felt for my first. I understand the everyone says that you never forget your first love, but is it suppose to be with this amount of intensity that you do so? What the hell do I do... I'm 20, I have a part time job as cashiering, and I'm trying to save enough for a car, as well as a place of my own. Whether it be a low-income home or not. I just want to start doing my own things, and having a family like all my other friends/acquaintances do... They're all, what, 20+ in age, and I don't even have my own place to live? Christ, no wonder so many suicides happen every year. Life's fuc&%ng depressing. Also, no answers regarding religion. Should I pursue her and try to get her back? Or should I cut my losses and continue to hope for another?

[Pat]

you should go to the girly bar in town and look at other women, you will forget her in no time

[blah blah]

you sound like me kind of. I think it's best to move on. But the problem is....... sometimes that's even harder to do.

[Jessica]

It makes it harder for you cause you always want what you cant have but she sounds like a b****. I think your doing good saving your money being independent etc. your only 20 thats good. Im 23 and at my moms getting help with my two year old so I can finish school. My sons dad was my first boyfriend at 14 my first love. we just broke up 3 months ago and im on my own. Plus he started.sleeping with my best friend right after(which used to be his sisters girlfriend of four years)..... So ya a big fucked up love triangle. I was depressed for weeks wanted to die. But wen I look back I deserved better any way. You do too. And youll find it. I promise. Just do your thing and love will find you again

[Thomas]

I would say you love her more than she loves you and yes its true you never forget your 1st love but you can move on. I would say your still young enjoy your single life whilst you can the right women will come in your life when you least expect it and you will be able to move on from your 1st love.
I promise you once you find the correct women that treats you as well as you treat her you will never look back.
Good luck x

[Indi_Bertie]

For someone who is so hung up on their ex you sure do sound like you found her irritating at times? I mean you have made a lot of complaints against her like:
'..made practically no effort into contacting me, nor starting conversations...'
'...she was being unfairly bitchy to me...'
'...she would make fun of my emotional side...'

So maybe you don't like her as much as you think you do. Trust me man, there are couples out there who are so into each other that none of those small complaints would matter. You just have to find a girl who sees the bigger picture like you do. Move on and find her!

You seem like a nice, articulate guy. I mean, most girls would give their right arm for a guy who shows his emotional side. Why don't you try getting yourself back on the dating ladder and find a girl who appreciates you? Because quite frankly your ex was a fool to give up you... you are worth way more than this depressive rubbish and the sooner you realize that the better.

[RockingRollinGuy]

You never will forget your first love. After all, she's the one that taught you to love. No matter how many years pass, you will still remember and feel the feelings that you feel now.
The only way that that love isn't going to crush you is by finding someone who you love even more. However some loves were meant to be - Why not just pick up the phone and ask her out on a date? If she accepts, just see what happens - If not, move on and find someone who will appreciate you and love you even more than you think is possible.
Good luck

[garrytoo]

your the one breaking your heart she's moved on a long time ago. My grandma told me the only cure for a lost love is a new love. you have tormented yourself for so long now I believe you will need counseling to help you get past this. because in your current state you couldn't possibly love someone else until you become normal again. This has become a big deal because you made it such. get some help.

[Antonio Brown]

Pursue her again maybe she's matured