My Husband and His EX?? I think he loves her?

[Tiff]

Okay so let me tell my story and see what you all think?
I have been with my husband for 14 years we have been married for 6 years.
My husband has a child that he had with his Ex before we met. There Son was not in our lives, untill recently his son is 19. But here is the thing My Husband said he doesn't love her and that it is all in the past, but he looks at her profile ever couple of Days on Facebook. Then a couple of weeks ago he took a job where she worked, he said that he had to do to unemployment office. I just dont buy I know my husband could get a job somewhere else. Also when he talks to his Son he always leaves the room or goes outside. He talks to me about his ex alot and for the most part he sayd bad things about her and he also says that she wont let go of the past and that she basicly tells her son that she hates him. He says it hurts his feelings that she hates him. Why would he even care? Why look her up all the time? Why bring her up all the time? I know I sound like a jealous wife, and maybe I am but in my mind he still has not moved on after all these years and I sometimes think that he regrets his life and wishes it was with her?
I am saying it fine that he his reunting with the Son.. but i think its more for her than his Son. Like he wants to know more about her than his Son.
Patrick,
No she is not over for Sunday Supper..she wont even speak to him. but I want to be his love we have 3 children together and I don't want to here about her all the time. Sorry I want someone to love me, and I deserve that.
Thanks B, That's the way I see it to. I mean come on now if you are really over someone you would just move on with life, not speak about her all the time. I have told him that hurts to hear her brought up all the time, then he just says well I wont tell you anything anymore. So then he is keeping secrets if he does this and I don't want that ether. So I guess I sticking him in catch 22 so to speak.

[a chick]

Let's forget about the ex wife for a moment. Your son just reacquainted with his son, why on earth would they not want to or need to have private personal moments?

[xBangTidy]

Alarm bells are ringing. If your husband constantly talks about his ex and looks her up on facebook then this doesn't sound too good. You need to sit down and speak to him about it and if it continues happening then I'm sorry but you need to leave him. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear. Good luck

[Patrick]

Of course he still loves her, especially when they had a kid together. As long as she isnt over for sunday super every weekend then whats the problem? Someday when the kid gets married, dont expect to be in the group wedding picture either. I still love my old 16 yr old first girlfriend even though Ive not seen her in 33 yrs. Big deal! You knew this would happen when you married him. He still has to be civil with her so that she doesnt burn him for over and above child support.

[Candie]

Not gonna lie I look up my husband's ex and his family all the time just to see? Idk what I'm looking for I am just curious. He has a son with her so it's alot harder to just get her out of our lives...I want to know what's going on with his son.....I am just curious.....curiosity kills the cat and Im not in love with his ex lol so he is proably just curious

[b]

I think your instincts are right on, people don't constantly talk about someone unless there is feel there. Good or bad she is on his mind and that should be a concern for you. It sounds like the son coming back into his life has stirred up old memories of what could have been but it also sounds like the son is creating some bad fibes by telling your hubby what his mom has said.

I think it's time to invite them all together for lunch at a nice restaurant and see how everyone reacts face to face because that is going to tell you if there is something to worry about or not. FYI - If anyone declines you definitely have to worry.

As for the job you need to insist that he find a different job and if he gives you resistance them you flat out tell him you believe the only reason he took that job was to be closer to her and now he needs to make a choice (he find a different job or a different wife).

[Dog Plower]

You really should give his Best friend a BJ...

signed his best friend

[Red Barron]

I don't think you sound like a jealous wife. It's obvious he still has feelings for her. Because while I get that they'll always be a connection between the two of them because of the kid, there's no reason for him to be so obsessive about her and "hurt" because she hates him. You have to tell HIM how its making you feel, and that he has to be honest about his feelings. You guys may need counseling.

[Mel]

Well i certainly don't still love any of my exes and one i was pregnant to and lost the baby so it wasn't a light situation,i frankly don't think it is the norm to be in a marriage as an adult and still love your ex from your teenage years,fond memories yes but love? No you move on especially when you have declared your love and commitment to someone else since then.

I think your husband is perhaps having a time of sorrow over the fact that he was not a part of his son's life,the ex hates him for abandoning her son,this is her child and the person she loves more than anyone in this world,imagine if you were in that situation,you would hate him too for hurting the children you love so much.

I imagine this hurts him because it is a stark reminder of the fact that he was a useless father who should have been there and he is ashamed of the fact that he did not try harder to do that.

His calls i can understand that he wants some private time to talk with his son,it's all very new,very new bonding process going on and he may be afraid to say something that will hurt you too or make you feel he loves the children you have less especially if he is expressing regrets.

I also think perhaps he is a little curious about the ex,it might just be because it bonds him back to his son and the years he missed out on,maybe he is trying to somehow fill in the gaps and by seeking her friendship and approval he thinks he can do that,she is the one who was there,she has the memories of the things he missed.

I would keep my eye on it,be clear that you are happy that he is in contact with his son but remind him that the son is 19 now and he doesn't need approval from his ex anymore,she has less control than she would if his son was young and only able to take on board her version of events.

[mmm]

so the next time he brings her up in any way that doesn't have to do with their son and a drop off pick up - say, what does that have to do with today? why do you care? He will say, I don't! Then say, then why are you still talking about her?

next time he says - well my ex hates when I did this (you say, wow, my ex loved when I did this to him) - send the message right on back to him

its not cool he goes outside - he probably discusses his mother with his son - I'd ask him did you need to go outside for a reason? then everytime you take a phone call - go in the other room or outside and be just as secretive

he needs to see what he is doing is harmful - sad his ex won't even talk to him - there are unresolved feelings he needs to heal and move on . . .