Please help me. How can I stop being bitter/cynical?

[shouldhavesaid]

This is a long question but you know how to read, but just bear with me. LISTEN TO THIS: I was cheated on back in April by a girl I really and truly loved. We dated for two years, talked about a life together after I graduated from college. Her family and my friends back in our hometown would repeatedly tell me how good we are together and how happy she is with me.

Well, I live states away from her (college). She had been cheating on me with her alcoholic old as f**k boss who has two kids for over a year. Her family and my friends I've known since I was 15 (I'm 22 now) knew about all of this and lied to my face and told me everything was okay. Then they finally came forward and spilled it all when she broke up with me through Facebook. (No message, no wall post, no phone call, text...nothing. Just changed her relationship status). All throughout our relationship everyone told me (her family included) how bad this guy was, that he is a womanizer, a dead beat dad, and a drunk. But after she left me for him they tell me how great he is compared to me, how he really loves her, how he manages a fast food restaurant...yeah great guy. Really great especially when he would mentally abuse her and threaten to kill himself because she was dating me while talking to the mother of his now second child, the mother of his first child, and some hoes in the next town over. Swell guy. She spread terrible rumors about me so my friends would hate me and wouldn't judge her for f**king him in the back room during a party while we were dating.

I'm not a bad person. I loved her. I never hurt her. I never lied to or cheated on her. I sent her thoughtful gifts just because, I called to say goodnight and make sure she got home safe after drinking with him...funny because all those times I called to say goodnight, she was in his bed. I drained my savings and put buying groceries and gas on hold so I could buy plane tickets home to be with her. I didn't just do that once. I flew home multiple times. And that drunk f**k bag would text her while I was visiting and make her feel bad for being with me. Oh, but he's a sweet guy.

My friends and her family sided with them...put me beneath him who they've known all of a year and a half. I'm successful, I'm graduating in a few months to work at top ad firms like pentagram and crispin & porter (have you seen Mad Men?) while my paycheck will go to my bills and whatever the hell I feel like saving for. No but see, that's not good enough for her...she wants a man with two kids from different women who come by and clean his apartment while she pays his bills because his Taco Bell manager salary is going to child support, his skating fetish, and alcohol. (Yeah, these are facts). Oh, and now they have this super wonderful sex filled relationship...and I, am still single.

Oh and by the by, I could have cheated. Easily. I'm gonna be mean and say this, if you saw us when we were dating you'd say "well, he's obviously not in it for looks" which is true, but I could have been out doing the same s**t she was doing to me. But I'm not that guy.

Anyway...I'm sorry for ranting. But you needed to get an idea of why I feel the way I do. And I'm quite sure you would be mad as hell too. You guys, this type of situation has happened to me three consecutive times with my past exes. Each one has cheated on me and told me I'm just not good enough but left me for some guy way worse. I DON'T GET IT.

I'm tired of this being a drain on my life, I'm angry all the time and when other women approach me I'm cold and skeptical. Im sick of getting screwed over. It may not sound like it at the moment, but im actually really sweet, but I don't want a girl I meet down the road to feel like she has to defrost my heart to get to me. Heck, one of the girls I could have gotten with was so sweet and kind to me, but I pushed her away one because I was in a relationship and two because I didn't want to get hurt again...I thought she would cheat on me too because she had a lot of guys after her but was interested in me, and she's a model, and I know I look good, but she looks like she was designed by scientists...she's like a power puff girl...she's beautiful...that's the best I can explain. But I felt like I wasn't good enough for her either, 4.0 student, part time model, games like a man, intellectual, sweet, supernaturally beautiful, and interested in me. But I doubted myself. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. I hate feeling like this. I want to stop being so bitter. I WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHY THIS KEEPS HAPPENING TO ME. I want to shed this dead skin and get over my ex. I want to stop being so negative. Question is: what are some steps I can take to achieve this?

[Vanessa]

Oh my. That is quite a long question.
I'm not going to pretend to know why your girlfriends tend to cheat on you. All I know is that you deserve better.

I understand that you're hurt - and that you feel so broken deep inside. Remember though, there is always someone out there for you. Don't give up hope. No matter how many people push you down, you must get back up. Your ex girlfriend's will probably end up regretting the fact that they left you. From your description, you seem like a great guy. Inside you, there is pent up frustration, and you must relinquish that in a healthy way. Keep in mind that not all woman are rotten - somewhere, someday, somehow, you will find the one that is right for you. You just have to persist - don't give up. Don't let one bad thing from your past affect your future. After all, it's not worth it.