I'm really depressed and I want to die.......?

[Amy]

I'm 17 years old and I've been depressed for many years... I've NEVER been truely happy since I was 10 years old. Secondary school was HELL and it's scarred me. (I won't go into details)

I'm an ugly, boring, unfunny person with no friends and no social life. I'm at home ALL of the time unless I want to go down town with my Mum or help her with things around the house. I'm SO sick of it. And please please PLEASE don't say 'Go to a club' or something! It doesn't help. No one wants to speak with me... I get so upset when I see other people on Facebook with their friends in pictures having the time of their lives etc. I always think 'Why can't I be like them?' 'Why can't I be normal like them?' 'Why am I such an annoying awkward moron?'

I hate myself... I like NOTHING about myself. I'm ugly, nearly overweight (although I think I'm fat anyways) I look absolutely TERRIBLE in pictures. I have a fat nose with crappy brown eyes... Pale white skin because I don't go out hardly... Although I don't seem to tan when I'm out when it's hot anyways...

I even pretend to be someone else online so I feel better about myself. It's like I'm in a different world and in that world I'm a very social, funny and happy person. I know I'm really pathetic for pretending to be someone else. I don't use their name, I make it up. I only use their pictures. I also don't give people bad reputation or anything or go around insulting people on this fake profile. I'm not like that at all.... I only do this to TRY make myself feel better... It only works temporarily until I step back into reality... I've been suicidal for AGES. Everyone thinks I'm just looking for attention or sympathy but TRUST ME I'M NOT. Since my life is worthless and has no purpose then what is the POINT in living? I don't see any.......... My future will be the same as it is now. Sat at home all the time doing nothing, no friends, no social-life, nothing. Not even a job because I just don't want to work. I get extremely nervous around people anyways. I'm not even interested in anything anymore.. Not even the playstation games I used to play... I just want to kill myself. I'm a stupid failure and a burden to this world..........

[Claire]

First off, my advice is going to be a lot worse than a professionals, so I advice you see one in your state. Asap.

If you dont like your life get a new one. If you have all these spare time learn a language and get a part time job. Try losing a bit of weight too. Then asap move to another country. Start over. You must have at least one good quality-like computing! So get a job in it. Or try starting a small cafe. Making friends wont be so hard when nobody knows the past yoy. Aswell you dont sound that ugly from your description, and looks dont matter!

To sum it up start a new life in a new country after some prep, and make a new self. And ask a pro for better advice.

[Frankie]

I hear you man. I'm only in middle school and I feel like that. I've felt suicidal when I was a young child and my parent's would fight constantly. I am also socially akward and anti-social. But you're not a stupid failure. During times like this when you just want to kill yourself you have to be optimistic as you can. Try going to a therapist or a counselor. Even if you think they won't help try it. Or their is medicine and it ussually works because of the placebo effect. Some are more expensive than others.
Good Luck!

[Gandalf The Grey]

You kind of remind me of me I'm very antisocial, pale, have terrible pictures and it seems like I have no friends at times.I also have hated middle school I'm guessing that's what secondary school is. I don't want to sound like one of those annoying people who pretend their therapists (even though thats what i am doing...) but you must like something about yourself or you wouldn't have asked this, My suggestion is to get a job, volunteer, join a club where you don't have to know people but you will end up meeting some and probably become friends. Then save up the money and treat yourself to a new game to cheer you up. And your eyes ar enot pooey they are chocolatey, did you know that blue and green eyes are mutated so you are like an original? I promise you willl find a light.

[Shelley]

Amy, who do you want to be? You can't be somebody else - so inside of yourself, what part of YOU do you want to be? I think we are all made up of different parts and we choose to reveal the different parts of ourselves to different people. At the moment it seems as if you are revealing the part you hate about yourself to the different people? Only you will know. I don't want to say go to a club because clubs to a large extent are superficial places and I think what you need is a true friend. It is better to have one true friend than 500 social friends. I am not saying people who go to clubs are bad I am just saying it is not the place where people truly get to know each other. Perhaps you can go to a counsellor who can suggest a support group where you will end up meeting someone who understands you better? A church may be able to help you? Apart from that you might want to consider speaking to your GP about anti-depressants? You might want to consider helping out at a charity type organisation - do you like animals, children, old people, people in rehab? The funny thing is when you take the focus off yourself and help others who you think need help, you end up attracting genuine love and friendship without even trying. Under normal circumstances it is hard to meet people and portrait a positive part of yourself in an attempt to attract friendships when you are feeling so down. I really hope you consider those suggestions and I hope that you start feeling better about yourself. Good luck.

[ricis]

Lets keep this clear - Im not gonna write some "pro" tips like - visit a doc or go and socialize. From the way I see this situation - you're need to get attention from somewhere and second you dont feel depressed more like angry at other people for that they "won". By creating fake profiles you run from yourself which complicates everything, you need to stop once and take a good look at yourself. See how do you look on the inside and i dont think you're pathetic more like wandering in the dark. Why do you wait light if you want it? You have to do it for yourself and no shining knight will do. It's up to you - and i know you havent lost hope yet just dramatized some minor things.