Is he a controlling and emotionally abusive husband or am I just over reacting?

[Crystal]

I don't want to sound like i'm complaining about him but these things are really bothering me and I try to talk to him about it and he shuts me out,brought up about going to talk to a marriage counselor and he doesn't want to do that.

We'll first of all I should say we have two children ages 4 years and 16 months. My husband works full time mon-fri. I stay at home with the boys,clean our home and pay the bills with the money in the bank.

The things that are bothering me are as follows:

He is addicted to sex, if I tell him I don't want to or am tired he ends up starting an argument with me,which he admitted to me he does that for makeup sex. Or he tries his hardest to keep me up just so we can have sex there is no romance or any flirting what so ever,feel like i'm just a toy if you will. Or during the day time he tries to get the boys asleep and wont stop bugging till we have sex.
I cought him red handed before for porn when he knows I hate it with a Passion. Does it behind my back.

I can't really buy anything for myself without a reasoning behind it,he works that's his money, he gets movies,game systems which he ends up taking back,things he wants,just buys the kids diapers and wipes or hardly anything else they need 'till the last minute.

Because of the last issue above I really want to work,I have no babysitter at all if I was to work and no support at all. Our youngest son has MAJOR separation anxiety,my husband doesn't like being alone with the kids for more then 5 minutes and he doesn't want a childcare or babysitter because of the way he was raised and stuff you hear on the news.

I have a facebook account to talk to my family and friends from school that are in oregon,ever night I catch him on my account looking at things I have posted instead of making an account for himself. he does the samething to my email account.

I can't go anywhere without him knowing exactly where I'm at or where I've been,for example we had an argument yesterday about him not getting along with our 4 year old,I went to the bathroom,I heard yelling so when I got out of the bathroom I asked what's going on?

My son threw his toy at his father because he saw my husband playing with his brother,he wants attention from my husband,So I took the boys for a walk,when we got home my husband wasn't here he was following us and was trying to see where we were at because I didn't tell him where we were going I just told him we are going for a walk.

My family is in Oregon and we are in Pennsylvania,I have talked to a counselor in the past about our 4 year old son and at least 3 people tell me that my husband needs to spend time with the children alone and I need my alone time as well.

I thought about leaving but haven't yet because basicly i'm afraid too.

[Amilia]

He sounds like a fucking psychopath.

[Kittysue]

He is abusive. You need to get out now. Call a women's shelter to find out your options. If he refuses to go to marriage counselling then the only thing you can do is grab your kids and go because it's only going to get worse and worse, not better

[Amy]

Youre not over reacting. Find the strength to do what you feel is best for you & your children, act like it's impossible to fail. My tip though don't let him know what your planning, act exactly as you would any day, best of luck & be careful, I hope everything works out for you.

[Neko Girl]

He is controlling. Don't be afraid to leave. Do it for the sake of your children, if not for yourself. If they are boys, they will look up to their father, and become the way he is, and treat women the way he treats you because that is what they are use to.

I am more concerned for the children than anything. I do not think he is a bad father or that you are a bad mother, I just believe that you and your husband are in an unhealthy relationship. Would your parents send you money if you need help getting to them? As far as the children go, it is going to make it extremely hard for you to get away from him now or get a divorce.

Your situation requires strength, intelligence, and confidence. Plan your actions carefully. Make sure that you do not get caught. You're going to have to take charge of your own life and do what is best for you little boys.