Confidence/self-esteem problem?

[Mandy]

Okay so here is my entire life story. I would love some answers or outlooks/advice on this because the way I feel is ruining my life. Yes I am aware I am the only person who can change my life but it is MUCH MUCH easier said than done. it is not easy to do a 360 and totally change your personality, at least for me it isn't, but i'm open to suggestions! So when I was really young I broke my nose. I was tormented by classmates from 3rd-8th grade because of this problem. People would literally come up to me and ask what was wrong with my nose/why it had a bump on it. I remember telling people I broke it and they would still make fun of me and imitate me breaking my nose and laugh. It was just crushing my confidence at such a young, detrimental age. I mean really? Asking me what is wrong with my nose? How stupid can kids be? I wanna say it was the worst in 6th grade. that is when people would imitate me and consistently ask me what was wrong with it, even after i had already explained multiple times. I remember walking home from school everyday and crying my eyes out & crying about it to my parents. They told my teacher but that didn't fix much. No one bugged me about it in middle school, except once in 8th grade and I actually started crying. But that was the last time anyone asked about my nose(from what I can remember at least). In 7-8th grade I had a tonnn of friends, i had a group of 10 friends that I was really close with and a ton of acquiantances on the side. I was much more social and outgoing than I am now. But right before high school started, my "bestfriend" dumped me. She stopped hanging out with me, called me horrible names on facebook, and made fun of me to all our "friends." I lost all my friends in 9th grade and had no one to hangout with. Thankfully I became close with 1 girl and hung out with her every single day at lunch. That is when I truly became dependent on other people. I relied on her like my life depended on it, and it is extremely unhealthy. The ex bestfriend who bullied me would make fun of me severely on facebook, call me a loser, etc., and she would straight up point and laugh at me. This stopped in 10th grade though. I was so severely depressed throughout all of high school I only had 2 friends. So I transferred to another school. I was bestfriends with a girl who already went there, but she did the exact same thing and dumped me. Bullied me online, made fun of me, and made school not enjoyable. But I did make a couple close friends at that school which was good. Senior year I became friends with the girl again(the 2nd one who dumped me towards the end of high school, not the middle school girl), and it ended the same way except no bullying this time. I ended our friendship because she would ditch me and never invite me with our mutual friend, which is just rude. Anyways...basically now I have no confidence or self esteem, I am extremely depressed, and just unhappy with my life. I let fear and other peoples opinions control my life. I hold back on things I really want to do because I am scared I won't be good enough, other people will think badly about me, etc. I don't want to be like this anymore! I want to be free spirited and only care how I see myself! I want to feel and look pretty! I want to be an actress more than anything but I let alone cannot even sign up for a class by myself! I am so terrified that i've been putting it off for 4 years now. But it really is my dream. I am scared I will suck, embarrass myself, etc. I think my dependency on people began at such a young age that now I cannot get rid of it. I am still dependent on other people to this day...I won't take classes alone, I won't go places alone, hell i don't even like to drive alone! I even had my friend drive with me to volleyball practice because I didn't want to look like a loser. My goals are to become confident, carefree, charismatic, happy, self-confident, and fearless! I want to dive right into things with no fear and no nervousness. I actually forgot to mention I have severe anxiety. I get anxiety about very dumb things. Like meeting new people, driving somewhere, finding a partner in class, etc. I literally start getting mini panic attacks thinking about these things. I let my nerves and fear get the better of me and I am so exhausted of living like this. I want to be the person i've always wanted to become but i just don't know how. Anywho, for any of you who actually read all of this and followed along-thank you.

[Mars Mission]

Try and break your questions down to smaller ones

or use a space between paragraphs and you will get more answers ?

Briefly to relax what one of our questions is try the following.


Lay down and get comfortable, then tense and relax all the muscles in your body

paying particular attention to the neck shoulders eyes and face.

Then deep breath (Eyes shut) and listen to your breath as you inhale and exhale

if something distracts you deal with it and slowly

bring your attention back to your breathing.


Do that for a couple of months , 1/2 hour per-day and note the benefits.

Good Luck.

Best Wishes.

Mars Mission Soon In A Galaxy Near Yours..

Source(s):

Studies..