Why would a soon-to-be ex-husband be so mad if he was the one who left?

[D]

I was abandoned by my husband a couple of months ago; he took the car and wiped the bank account. and left one day I wasn't working at the time because of going to nursing school full time. So after trying to get myself back on track (I found a part time job and healing from this pain), he is acting very hateful towards me. He was the one who left because he said he felt "pressured" because he couldn't do what he wanted. Here is what he wanted (after 11 yrs of marriage): he had a hidden facebook account with at least 30 girls he worked with (all 18-20yr olds), profiles on dating websites, phone calls and text messages to all the coworkers (girls), leaving whenever he wanted and not having to explain where and when he'd be back, not talking to me at all at home, no intimacy, no communication, no help around the house, blowing up his money because in his words "it is MY money", and even complaining I wasn't giving him attention because I "studied too much"! So these were his complaints therefore in his conception of "marriage" he could no longer "put up with me" anymore. Ok, what could I do... he left and I was alone, no family around, no kids, just a few friends. It was very hard at first, I cried a lot, but then I went thru all these healing phases, and now I'm at the acceptance and moving on phase. Not looking to be with anyone but happy to be by myself, content per say. He has been sending me the meanest texts whenever he needs to get some kind of information (bank, cell phone, etc). I've tried to put all my bills into my name so not to have any more contact with me, but it appears that he wants to continue to communicate with me, or come by to get his mail (he wants me to hand it to him, which I don't do. I leave in the mailbox). I've filed for divorce and he's about to get served next week. So, what does his attitude mean? Why the meaness now if he was the one who up and left? I'm not bothering him at all. I'm minding my own business. I still live in the house, though, and the mortgage is in his name. But he said he didnt want to live here anymore. So why is he so pissed at me now?
I just said the reason he left: he wanted his cake and eat it too. He wanted to pursue side-relationships and expect me to be ok with it. He kept saying, "i have no rights to have friends (female)", except that he had no friends whatsoever because he was just a cave man, wanting to stay home all the time. But he wanted to be online talking to other women, and I read all his messages and found out it was not just plain friendship. I read that he wanted to "get rid of me", telling them our marriage was a joke. Then when I confronted him, he denied everything and I guess couldn't keep his face anymore and left.
HiThere, wow that is a pretty pathetic guy, your ex! Yes, it does sound like mine, except I have no proof that he has cheated. He was chasing any young girl that crossed his path, like a dog in heat. He's 38 yrs old too, pretty old and immature. I doubt that mine would ever crawl back. But yes I agree with you that they do that out of guilt, perhaps.
I like what you wrote, Gary. It makes a lot of sense now.
Rose and SoftTouch, you guys have a lot of wisdom. The thing of it is, I cannot even treat him badly. I am in a moment of my life that I am really wanting to treat people with a lot of dignity. And everytime I talk to him, it is no different. I think it angers him more if I treat him with respect than if I just joined in his drama. And yes, he loves drama. If he asks me a question he must add a huge element of drama to it, instead of plain asking the question.

[Sid]

I want to hear his side of the story.
There had to be a reason he left.

[john]

He's pissed because he's a moron and he's trying to blame someone else for his own childish, petulent little problems. Get rid of him as soon as you can. There's no reason to suffer idiots like him.

[HiThere]

Whoa! Your story is practically identical to mine. My bastard husband cheated on me and abandoned me for the other woman. This was over a year ago and we are now officially divorced. But in that time he has made it a point to stay in contact with me. He is still with the other woman and they act all lovey dovey, but at the same time he also stirs up trouble with me just to hurt me. I was wondering the same thing as you: what's all his hostility for when HE is the one who left??? People have told me it's his guilt turned outward toward ME. I finally had enough last week and changed my email and blocked his phone. I think he is a pathetic, low-life coward, and sounds like your husband is the same. He will regret screwing things up with you at some point and when he crawls back, do all women a favor and SLAM the door in his crappy face!

[Gary Irish]

He sounds frustrated. It seems when you have a wife waiting at home, you are more attractive to other women. When you are single, it's harder. He probably regrets leaving, and somewhere deep down he probably feels guilty, so it feels better to him when he can make you the bad guy.

My Ex had to find 20 reasons to leave me. It was not unlike how some people justify getting a new car. You are not as exciting as you were when we first met and such. Things you simply cannot control, or really be your fault. They just have to find a justification for what they did.

I would send him a letter saying that he needs to forward all his mail as you will no longer be his postal buddy. Don't respond to anything to him that would not be productive to ending the relationship. Once he gets testy or turns into a jerk, say this conversation is over until you want really talk shop. Don't get into a drama conversation. Simply ignore it, and after some time he will stop messing with you,

[Rose]

Your husband is not coping well with the separation and just angry with himself then he put it all on you. It is more easy to point finger at others. He try to communicate or contact you maybe only because of the mortgage house that you currently life in. You need to sort that out on the divorce process otherwise he might keep bothering you...
You doing the right thing by moving on with your life. You deserve to be happy. Now it seems to be hard, but keep pray and hope. Meet and talk to your trusted friends and family of your problems. Go out and sight seeing or do whatever you compassionate about...time will heal you and one day, the right man will treat and respect you the way man treat a lady. Best wish for everything
Source : personal experience of abusive spouse

[Softtouchmale]

I'll answer your question simply: He's a controlling azzhatt.

There it is. He wants his cake and to eat it as you said above.

And when he doesn't get his way he gets mean. Fine. That's human nature.

However, what makes him seriously deranged is that he's continued to feud with you even though he has no reason to. He's projecting all of his insecurities onto you in order to justify leaving you.In short, he's a controlling azzhatt.

As far as him and guilt? He may feel guilty but the remorse he's feeling is more for his own mistakes towards himself.

There's your answer.