Am I in love with my friend's husband?

[Barbara]

I've been with my "husband" for 10 years. We have two toddlers together. For 8 years, I was 100% devoted and faithful. In 2010, we went through a particularly rough time. As timing would have it, a boy (now a man) I was infatuated with in grade school found me on facebook. He spoke of fate and how he had always wondered if he would ever see me again. In this tumultuous time in my marriage, I began a very unhealthy, unbalanced affair with this man from my past. It lasted for about 6 months. We slept together 4 times. Each time was slightly with less guilt. As the affair soured, my home life improved. I ended things, with the belief it was a mistake, an understandable moment of weakness, and it would never happen again. However, 6 months later, I began another affair with my recently divorced neighbor. This was less emotional, more physical. When I was younger, I got more than my share of attention from guys. As I grew into my late 20's and had children, I felt I had lost some appeal. This new, exciting door of opportunity was suddenly open to me. Sad to say, I have progressed even passed the adventurous fling with the neighbor. Now, I pine for my friend's husband. He is an amazing person. Smart, handsome, mature, responsible, supportive. He may even be a closer friend to me than she is. He is, without a doubt, the only person in my life I am 100% honest with. What I get from him is something nobody gives. We have been flirting with the idea for a few months and have perfected our "poker faces" when are doing group activities with both our families. No suspicions whatsoever. Yesterday was our first opportunity to be alone for more than 5 minutes. After discussing the heaviness of the situation for about 30 minutes, we slept together. I had imagined this many many times. It was not what I imagined. Perhaps we are too close. Perhaps, I'm growing out of this phase. Something about it was very "off" and felt wrong. A different kind of wrong than I had experienced from cheating in the past. Something similar to what I imagine sleeping with a relative would be like; a cousin maybe. The next day, we discussed our shared negative emotions at great length. Both agreed it was a mistake. We had satisfied our curiosity and now it's done. Which was, I feel, him following my lead. All night I dreamed about him. And this morning, still, despite the negativity, I want him. I'm having difficulty discerning between the thought of it just being out of habit (Am I just used to wanting him?) or do I really love him the way I think I do? Am I even capable of loving anyone anymore? I think about his arms and his chest; the way it feels when he hugs me; the look he gives me when I know he's longing for me. Please understand I do have love for him and he does for me. What specific kind of love is undetermined. Our friendship is what we most fear losing (2nd of course to the fear of hurting our families). We are important to each other. I adore him for all his qualities. The physical attraction and sexual tension confuse things. We are weak for each other, I feel. I know the comments from yahoo answers can be brutal and harsh. Just try to keep me in mind as a real person. I'm a normal, intelligent, sophisticated woman. I could be your daughter, sister, friend. I'm just like you only I've taken risks where others likely wouldn't. I love my husband dearly. It is not my intention to hurt anyone. But in many different ways, we all, as people, hurt each other. Cheating is just my sin and I am not without shame.
You're right. It is selfish. I have weighed all this out. I have been putting my needs/wants before anything else, which I intend on correcting. In the moment, I believe I can protect them from the truth, which is a lie I tell myself. He is "husband" bc we never married (not to take away from our love though). Perhaps, we both have commitment issues. He isn't innocent. Not that I blame him for my cheating, bc I certainly don't. But he has made harmful, hurtful mistakes in the relationship, also. I don't want to bash him or go into detail any further than that. I have clearly made some less than honorable decisions. This has been a very insightful experience. It has forced me to face subjects I have been avoiding. Despite the negative feedback, I have enjoyed opening up about this to random strangers. Thanks for the answers. It's helped a lot.

[Lanamoon]

you are in lust not love

[Good & Plenty]

It seems as if this man has got you wide open, and the sex has just
intensified the situation. Please know that there are alot of people over
in the pepridge farms cemetery for cheating. I would proceed with Major caution.
I don't say this to be mean or judgemental because anybody can fall
into the situation of adultery. I am a married woman and honestly I know that
my husband would straight joke me out if he finds out I am cheating.
There have been men who wanted to conduct a sexual relationship with me
at the office, a neighbor at one time and even a police officer. Once people
meet my husband they totally forget that thought, they know hubby is good for
giving out a a$$ whooping with no shame about his wife. A navy seal with
very good training.

Please be careful Mam. You never know what
his wife, or your husband would be capable of if they found out.

[Smile ❤ ☮]

Grow up !

[Fancy]

Sorry, I cannot give you advice to condone your affairs or tell you something that you want to hear. You are wrong and you know it.

You are being very selfish and you do not understand your true worth as a woman.

Woman to woman it's like this: Do not place your value or worth through a man. It's not your husbands job, boyfriends jobs, best friends third cousins job to make you happy. You should not be searching for whatever it is you are searching for by sleeping with other men. Having multiple affairs and ruining other people's lives will not fill that lonely/empty void. It is a temporary fix and you will always be chasing 'that special feeling'.

Search yourself and find out why you are so desperate for attention and affection from anyone who will give it to you. Once you can determine the true cause of your behaviors then you can work on inproving your self esteem and self respect. Learn how to be satisfied with yourself so you will no longer turn to affairs. You are better than this.

Also, is seems as you brag in a sense as 'cheating is my sin...'

Be careful lady. Karma is a hula hoop. Who knows maybe your husband is sleeping with your best friend?

[Michael]

You are looking for some rationalization for your behavior. You boink a bunch of guys because you can and you want to. And in the process put your marriage at risk as well as pregnancy and STD's.

Women tend to think of ways their virtue is less tarnished when they cheat. Tough times, is it love, we only did it four times, it meant nothing are common. Or the ever popular, 'my emotional needs are not being met." or "I was in a very vulnerable place before I boinked him those four times."

You have a husband and children. Get a grip! That is where your love should go. Your husband does the heavy lifting of a marriage relationship. This other guys gets the good stuff.

Then you write this nonsensical diatribe in an effort to do what? It's a bunch of crap.

You boinked them and it's over unless you are lining up some others. It;'s doubtful any of the fun guys wants you and your kids to show up on his doorstep.

[Liah Samon]

Seriously you're better off divorcing your husband and getting a job as a prostitute named ginger. First a sophisticated woman does not have 4 affairs with random people. You neighbor?!?!? REALLY?!? And the love you have for your friend's husband is more bigger than the love you have for your own husband. "Loving dearly" is something you'd say to your grandma...

[Another Crone]

I am concerned for your toddlers. Taking sexual risks and attempting to scratch your sexual itch with men who are too close in your life for it NOT to be discovered (hence, more exciting as well), increasing the number of potentially deeply and permanently injured people and relationships that could be at stake (again, upping the excitement level).... all about you all of the time and, well, you like it. So there is nothing anyone on here can say that you haven't thought of already. It's all you and you are, apparently all in. If not with your friend's husband.... with someone else soon regardless.

Including, I guess, the effect that this HABIT you have developed will have on your marriage and your children's life. Sounds, to me, like you have already weighed in on this as well, thought about it, and decided that you new sexual needs come first. And that everyone will survive whatever the aftermath may be.

Since you asked, no. I don't think it's all about your friend's husband. It's about the fact that you put your own husband in quotation marks. You refer to him as your "husband". And you are clearly on the prowl for another arrangement!

Be prepared to lose what has been your life. Sounds like that is what you want to have happen anyway.