Do you think I might need hospitalization?

[Adara]

HI my name is myka and I am 16 years old I just poured out alot of what I needed to say and it took my like 2 hours but my internet crashed so I need to just do a quick list of what I need help with.
-Major depression
-Due to being extremely mentally and emotionally bullied by my peers, and mom. People who don't even know me made a facebook page called "The freak of ida baker (my school) where people would upload pictures of me they took behind my back and talk horrible thing about me. I have even heard school staff talk about me when they didn't know I could hear them. and excessive guilt and hating myself My mom calls me stupid, lazy, retarded, and said that noone will ever love me. And she wont stop comparing me to other people it makes me feel so worthless.
-Suicidal thoughts
-I even almost went through with it once the only thing that held my back was the guilt of knowing that at least one person would be hurt. I have had two friends commit suicide and my school has seen 3 suicides in two weeks so I have seen the effects of it.
-Social anxiety
-I need to have major distractions to keep me from having anxiety attacks sometimes I even go to extreme lengths as to digging my nails into my skin so It doesn't turn into a panic attack.
-Paranoia
-Even with the slightest whisper or laughter i have to listen to it to make sure it's not about me. At it's worst I see and hear things that aren't there and I know they aren't but it's taking over my life.
-Anorexia
-For the past 3 weeks I've had anorexia and I hate myself for it. I'm 5'5 and 117 lbs but all i see when I look in the mirror is fat. I feel so guilty when I eat and my mom even called me fat yesterday. I have even stole some of her diet pills to do whatever I can to loose weight.
-Lgbt
-I like girls. My close friends know but my family and most of my community are extremely homophobic and I'm terrified of them finding out, they would kick me out and i'd never be able to see them again
-Self-harming
- sometimes I do it to check to see if i'm alive and not trapped in hell and other times it's to punish myself for thinking the way I do and having all of these issues
-Very minor kleptomania
-Bipolar
-I hate this I lash out on people and I feel so extremely guilty for upsetting them which make me hate myself even more.
-Imsomnia
-I typically get 2 hours or less of sleep a night
And I can't get help, I have built my protective walls around me way to high and no matter how much I want help from people and to talk to them I just CAN'T! PLease help me it's taking over my entire life.
I'm almost having an anxiety attack simply from posting this, I have never talked to anyone about any of this so please dont judge me.
Do you think I need to be hospitalized and would it be possible for me to get help without my mom finding out?

[Kayla]

Do what you need to do to make sure you are still here tomorrow. We don't need to lose any more special people to depression.

[princess]

yes u should be hosptalized I've been there done that it not that bad it has help me
it has been over 1 year since I've not hurt my self
u have anying Questions ?
U can email me at =====>princessmagicsx@yahoo.com <======

[Jenna]

Please, email me. You say that you have built proactive walls around you too high, but you need to take then down. Even if it is brick by brick. Talk to someone.

[CommonSense]

>"Do you think I need to be hospitalized and would it be possible for me to get help without my mom finding out?"

Probably not!

All I know is that you better do something because you're pretty screwed up and your getting worse!

[Donald]

Yes.

"Mom. Even though I've never talked to you about this before, I want you to know that this is serious." Then tell her your problems. Then say, "I need help"

[Cherry Berry]

First of all I want to say I am so so so sorry this has been happening to you !. No one deserves any of that. Have you ever considered talking to a school counselor or a teacher you really like or trust ?
You said you haven't talk to anyone about this so I know how it must be eating you up inside. I think you really need someone to talk to and someone to help you through things.
I think you might be hospitalized for the anorexia, self harm and suicidal thoughts. They would have you talk to a counselor at the hospital, and probably get you a physiologist. Then basically you spill your whole life story to them and they try to help you through things. They give you coping strategies and stuff like that. Ive been to one before. They really do help. Even if you were to talk to your school counselor I'm sure she could help you with a lot. I understand what it's like to trust no one and to feel like no one cares. But just remember. Theres always someone who cares. I don't even know you but I care. You sound really lonely and you really need someone to talk to. I would really suggest making an appointment with your school counselor on Monday. Maybe you could even call Kids help phone and talk to them ? Whatever you think you want to do. But you sound like you have been through a lot and you defiantly need some help and someone to help you through stuff.
Well best of luck ! Keep hanging in there <3

[Elly]

Hi Myka,
It seems to me we're pretty similar, well me last year anyways. I have regular panic attacks for apparently no reason and I was depressed, suicidal even. I'm also gay which has lead to a whole lot of bullying, I'm out to my friends but my family would kick me out if they knew. I could keep going but I wont. If you need to talk feel free.

[♀]

You won't be hospitalized unless the doctor thinks you will kill yourself or others, but the doctor could still suggest hospitalization. Because you can't escape what's triggering you, you may be able to convince the doctor to hospitalize you because you don't have a safe place.
You may or may not be able to get help without a parent. Here in Nashville, at 17 I can sign for my own prescriptions and stuff. Check the laws in your state.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know how bad it feels to be alone and want to die.
I hope this all passes.
(:

[boystownhotline]

Myka -

I'm so proud of you for reaching out. There's definitely a lot going on and the most important concern right now is your safety. If you feel like you can't keep yourself safe, you need to go into the hospital. In order to receive support from a specialist, you need your parents' permission. Please even consider talking to your school counselor or a teacher you trust.

Your peers have no right to treat you like that. School administration needs to know about the website. Please let school know as soon as possible.

Please don't hesitate to give the Boys Town National Hotline a call if you need to talk especially if you feel like hurting yourself. Counselors are available 24/7 at 1-800-448-3000.

LF, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline