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Is it wrong for birth parents to track down kids they gave off for adoption on Facebook?
11-09-2012, 01:25 PM
Post: #1
Is it wrong for birth parents to track down kids they gave off for adoption on Facebook?
When people have kids and give them away for adoption, do you think it is right or wrong for these people to later down the line contact the child they gave birth to through Facebook, i.e. by sending them friend requests and messages introducing who they are? Because I've heard of some teenagers one day randomly logging onto Facebook and suddenly seeing the shock of their lives seeing their birth mother sending them a message and saying who they are, etc.

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11-09-2012, 01:33 PM
Post: #2
 
I would be so fucking pissed if my childs birth parent did that. It is up to the child if they want contact or not. The birth parent lost that choice and it's up to the kid to make the choice now. If they want contact they will make it happen. Especially if the child is younger. It's one thing if they are 18 but a birth parent has no bushiness contacting a younger child.

Being adopted I can't even tell you big of an impact this would have had if my mom had pulled this shit. I would have been thrilled but looking back on it from a more mature and adjusted place it would have been a disaster.

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11-09-2012, 01:33 PM
Post: #3
 
Only if the kid is a minor.

I don't think sending a friend request on Facebook is that different from sending a normal letter. There is time to read and think and feel what they want and answer. It's not like she's outside his door going "SURPRISE"!
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11-09-2012, 01:33 PM
Post: #4
 
This happened with my brother, adopted as a baby, as the birthfather found him via Facebook. The birthfather is a good man and he had the best of intentions but my brother was 16 and it would have been handled much better had he gone to the agency and my brother's (mine also) parents (the adopted parents who raised him) and work out the best way it can be done. In the end they are close but the birthfather should have done it through the agency or a counselor as my brother and parents didn't even know who he was since the birthmother never described him during the adoption for privacy reasons so all that was known was that a birthfather existed. Five years later they are close though and the reunion was good, but contacting through facebook was a mistake.
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11-09-2012, 01:33 PM
Post: #5
 
do you object to the way they are finding them OR that they are trying to find that in the first place..?
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11-09-2012, 01:33 PM
Post: #6
 
My biological family is full of addiction and abuse. No more obvious are the effects of this than in my three young cousins, born to my aunt who is several years younger than I am. They were taken away 8 years ago and placed together in an adoptive family who already had five adopted children.

Their biological mother and grandmother have always felt like victims and that they were put upon not getting to keep them, even as their bio-mother still follows around their beast of a father, who used to punish them by putting their heads in the toilet, and has been in prison several times for all the abuse an pain he has caused numerous people. Our bio-grandmother was so pleased with herself finding them on Facebook. After reuniting with several of us, one of the girls became overwhelmed and had this to say:

To all of my biological family. Im sorry but I don't want u contacting me anymore until I'm at least eighteen and when I'm of age I will decide if I even want to still. My explanation for this is I forgive u for all u have done but I can't forget how it has affected and hurt me so much. I may have been blood related but obviously god had other plans for me. Everything happens for a reason. Im sorry to tell u but I don't think of u as my true family. My mom and dad are Mike and Peggy M. And they will always be my true parents. They chose me. They took me in. They have never stopped loving me. They have never gave up on me. They gave me a home full of wonderful siblings and relatives. They are the best things that ever happened to me. And I would never think about replacing them. They gave me what none of you guys could. And I'm not who I used to be. I'm Annastacia Marie M. not Hannah anymore. I can't even think about ever wanting to go back to something less than I deserve. My family means so much to me. I couldn't ever ask for any other family in the world. We were meant to be together. It wasn't by accident either it was a choice god had made. He gave us a second chance in life to start over. I couldn't ask for anything more than I have. I hope u all understand.... I just can't live like that again. No one made me say this I chose to. Im hoping u get where I'm coming from. Anna M.

****

She is 17 years old and the middle child who spoke for her sisters as well. I think this is often how an underage child feels when she is "discovered" by her birth family.
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11-09-2012, 01:33 PM
Post: #7
 
It's a good thing I was left on the steps of the orphanage back in China, that would just be creepy.
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11-09-2012, 01:33 PM
Post: #8
 
Here's the thing about Facebook: You are putting your information on the internet for the ENTIRE world to see. If a natural relative, or anyone finds you through Facebook, it's your own fault for putting it there! Yes there are security settings, but I still would not put anything on the internet that I wouldn't want others to see because once its there, it's there forever.

That being said, FB is a means for communication. You can always block the person if you don't want to speak to them. I think contact through FB is much less a "shock" than if they were standing on your doorstep. It's actually easier to say "no" online than in person, if that's what you want to do.

Personally, I found my brother on Facebook by chance, and know of many others who've found half siblings, natural relatives, ect. on Facebook. Whether you want to or not, it's nice to have a means of finding someone rather than paying a detective. Just my opinion.
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11-09-2012, 01:33 PM
Post: #9
 
They should wait until the child is 18 that way they are an adult. If they try to contact before then and it was not an open adoption they could face legal problems. It can also be emotionally damaging to the child. I know when I was a teen I was very emotional, I was adopted also. If my biological mother would have just showed up one day it would have really messed with my head and caused a lot more problems.
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11-09-2012, 01:33 PM
Post: #10
 
I'm adopted and i know whats it's like to be on the child end of it. Growing up i always wanted to know who my birth mother is and, where i got my hair and my eyes everything. The main question i wanted to know was why i was given up. if i was in that situation where my birth mom contacted me i would have so much emotions going on and, unless your adopted you wouldn't know what it would feel like. I would rather see her in person for the first time than on the internet. when your in person its real and, seeing her would help me to understand better and maybe feel national connection with her. Plus that might not be her you never know who's on the other side
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