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Andrew · 11-09-2012, 04:53 PM

This girl was just a sophmore year fling. She left near the end of the school year and now she found me on Facebook. My daughter looks just like me. I'm already attached, but I don't know how to start being a father. I have money, but im so confused right now.

Jeni · 11-09-2012, 05:02 PM

its not really about having money, be there for her emotionally. let your daughter know you will never leave her, and that you love her. as long as you take responsibility for her and take care of her, you will be a great father Smile

good luck!

Due on St. Patties · 11-09-2012, 05:02 PM

Get a test just to be sure - you don't want to love this kid to death and find out she's not yours. Tell the mom it's not that you don't' trust her, but you don't want to fall in love with this little girl and have your heart broken.

Do not begin a relationship with this kid unless you are 100% sure you will NEVER just drop out of her life. Even if you're paying child support forever, don't give her the opportunity to meet you and then ignore her - it'll mess her up more than if she doesn't have a clue who her dad is.

Once it's official start hanging out with her. Don't go crazy buying her stuff she wants to make up for lost time or anything, but do help her mom with stuff she NEEDS.

When she's gotten to know you pretty well and the mom is comfortable with you taking her get a car seat. Introduce her to your parents/family...work on a visitation schedule and hopefully you can avoid court.

Lilley · 11-09-2012, 05:02 PM

your gonna have to pay and look after that child, sorry

Lose Yourself · 11-09-2012, 05:02 PM

Do what comes natural to you. Take your daughter places, watch movies with her etc. Just love her and tell her how much you love. Also I'd suggest buy her some presents like dolls cause I guarantee shed be really thankful for that. Stay in your daughters life and make sure she knows she can always count on you.

Charlie · 11-09-2012, 05:02 PM

your ex-fling and daughter really need you right now not only to support them financially but emotionally and physically. It is your fault in the first place for not using a condom so now it is your responsibility to care for them. If you really feel you don't want to then you are an idiot. And the baby only had one father!!!

Lilly · 11-09-2012, 05:02 PM

I am sure you will do well, because you already want to be a good dad and thats the biggest secret!

You could talk to her on a web cam or the phone, keep it casual, maybe ask her what her favorite color is or how far she can count etc... You don't need to worry about how to be a dad just yet, that will develop as she gets to know you and trust you. ask the mum what she thinks is a good way forward, to begin with you can send her a present and ask her to send you a drawing in return.

Don't just spoil her with presents though, it is better to give her them now and then... Just keep talking to her on the phone a bit and learn about her from the mum. Her mother will probably appreciate having someone to talk about her daughter to, someone that takes an interest!

She has done all the hard work so far and needs some appreciation... ask her for a couple of picture of your daughter, like the birthday parties, the first picture as new born and so on...

At some point you need to ask her what she needs for the girl, tell her that you want to contribute a bit but not be taken advantage of! (Start low, you may want to pay more once she's older and more expensive!!) Build up a friendship with the mother, that will ensure you get information about what's going on in your daughters life. Try to just be light hearted and fun when you speak to them... and all will go well, take it as it comes and don't rush things.

First tell people about your daughter that you can trust and that will be supportive, (maybe you have a relative or friend that has a kid the same age as your daughter?) Don't listen to negative people, it is hard enough as it is! The mother is clearly not just after your money or she would have tracked you down earlier. Treat her as an old friend you are catching up with and she'll learn to trust you. It can't be easy for her either!

I am sure your daughter is adorable and you'll get on really well, below are some helpful links for dad's and some tips on what to do with a three year old!!

Take care,
Lillianne

Christy · 11-09-2012, 05:02 PM

For starters, have a DNA test. Don't mean, or rude about it. Just simply ask the mother for one.

Second, be there for her. Both the mother and the child. No, you don't have too date her. Just be kind and supportive. Hug your daughter, talk too her, play with her, but parent her aswell. Don't jump into it all of a sudden, demanding her too listen too you. Ease her into it. It's a big chance for the both of you.

Grace Burks · 11-09-2012, 05:02 PM

Get a job.

Stacy · 11-09-2012, 05:02 PM

Wow FYL for not being told. First, get a test. It's not unheard of for people to lie about this. Don't make a big deal, just ask your ex-fling/daughter's mother. Then, if/when it's proved true: meet your daughter. Get to know her. She's only 3, so you need to make sure you're there for the rest of her life. Be there for her. Reconcile with the mother. This is a very delicate situation, but the two of you need to figure out how this is going to work. Shared custody? Visitation? The two of you in a relationship again? Your daughter needs a stable upbringing and you need to be a part of that. She's going to start school soon, so you need to figure out where, as in location, she's going to live. With her mother, or with you. Will you live together? Spend time working with the mother on all this. They both need you.