What is a really random Harry Potter quote?

[mushroomtop123]

Tomorrow is Harry Potter Status Day on Facebook and I need a random Harry Potter quote that's funny. Example: "Alas! Ear Wax!" THANKS!

[Burnt Bread]

The two men appeared out of nowhere, a few yards apart in the narrow, moonlit lane. For a second they stood quite still, wands pointing at each other's chests: then, recognising each other, they stowed their wands beneath their cloaks and set off, side by side, in the same direction.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
First lines from opening chapter, The Dark Lord Ascending.
Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.
NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU *****!
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Spoken by Molly Weasley.
We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter's the one,
And Voldy's gone moldy, so now let's have fun!
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Peeves' Victory Song.

To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore
The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with caution.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.
It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.
As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all - the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.
There is no good or evil: only power and those too weak to seek it.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Spoken by Quirinus Quirrell.

[another bookworm]

"I feel holy"
- George Weasely book 7

[Meow]

“Can you believe our luck?” said Ron miserably, bending down to pick up Scabbers. “Of all the trees we could’ve hit, he had to get one that hits back."

[Callie]

you should judge a man by the way he treats his interiors, not his equals

[biglace565]

dude, i'm SO using the first one in the first answer

[Twilight_fanatic09]

•Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Dudley: They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall. Want to come upstairs and practice?
Harry: No, thanks. The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it -- it might be sick.


•Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
1st Weasley Twin: Oh, are you a prefect, Percy? You should have said something, we had no idea.
2nd Weasley Twin: Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it. Once --
1st Weasley Twin: Or twice --
2nd Weasley Twin: A minute --
1st Weasley Twin: All summer --
Percy: Oh, shut up!


•Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Professor McGonagall: Well, thank you for that assessment, Mr Weasley. Perhaps it would be more useful if I were to transfigure Mr Potter and yourself into a pocket watch. That way, one of you might be on time.


•Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Dumbledore: I was unfortunate enough in my youth to come across a vomit-flavored one, and since then I have rather lost my liking for them. But, I think I could be safe with a nice toffee. (eats it)
Dumbledore: ...Hmm, alas, earwax.


•Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
(in the Devil's Snare)
Hermione: Stop moving, both of you. This is devil's snare! You have to relax. If you don't, it'll only kill you faster!
Ron: Kill us faster? Oh, now I can relax!


•Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Harry: So light a fire!
Hermione: Yes... of course... but there's no wood!
Ron: HAVE YOU GONE MAD! ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT!


•Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Ron: "A Study of Hogwarts' Prefects and Their Later Careers." That sounds fascinating.


•Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Fred: Oh get out of the way, Percy. Harry's in a hurry.
George: Yeah, he's off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant.


•Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Ron: Why spiders? Why couldn't it be "follow the butterflies"?


•Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Ron: Can you believe our luck? Of all the trees we could've hit, he had to get one that hits back.


•Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Draco: Sure you can manage that broom, Potter?
Harry: Yeah, reckon so
Draco: Got plenty of special features, hasn't it? Shame it doesn't come with a parachute-in case you get too near a Dementor. (Crabbe and Goyle sniggered)
Harry: Pity you can't attach an extra arm to yours, Malfoy. Then it could catch the Snitch for you.


•Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Ron: Right, you've got a crooked sort of cross… (consulting "Unfogging the Future") That means you're going to have 'trials and suffering' -- sorry about that -- but there's a thing that could be a sun… hang on… that means 'great happiness'… so you're going to suffer but be very happy…
Harry: You need your Inner Eye tested, if you ask me…


•Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Professor Lupin: Now repeat after me -- without wands please -- repeat after me, Riddikulus.
Class: Riddikulus!
Professor Lupin: And again!
Class: Riddikulus!
Malfoy: This class is ridiculous.


•Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Hermione: Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats, you know.
Ron: Yeah, along with the dungbeetle.


•Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Professor Trelawney: The study of Divination will give you the rare gift of SIGHT! (stands up, and promptly bumps into her table)


•Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Professor Trelawney: Would anyone like me to help interpret the shadowy realms within their orb?
Ron (whispering to Harry): I don't need help. It's obvious what this means. There's going to be loads of fog tonight.


•Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Ron to Pettigrew (with revulsion): I let you sleep in my bed!


•Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Fred Weasley: Anyone can speak Troll, All you have to do is point and grunt.


•Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Ron: Don't talk to me.
Hermione: Why not?
Ron: Because I want to fix that in my memory forever…
Ron (his eyes closed): Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret...


•Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Percy: I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days.
Fred: Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?
Percy: That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway! It was nothing personal!
Fred (whispering to Harry): It was. We sent it.


•Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Hermione: You seem to be drowning twice.
Ron: Oh, am I? I'd better change one of them to getting trampled by a rampaging Hippogriff.


•Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Ron: Poor old Snuffles. He must really like you, Harry… Imagine having to live off rats.


•Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Luna Lovegood: No, I think I'll just go down and have some pudding and wait for it all to turn up... It always doe

[Amanda]

Here are some

"I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me."

"Brilliant! It's Potions last thing on Friday! Snape won't have the time to poison us all!"

"You can't give a Dementor the old one-two!"

"Cut it out," he said firmly, rubbing the scar as the pain receded again. "First sign of madness, talking to your own head," said a sly voice from the empty picture on the wall.

"She's Ron's sister.
But she's ditched Dean!
She's still Ron's sister.
I'm his best mate!
That'll make it worse.
If I talked to him first-
He'd hit you.
What if I don't care?
He's your best mate!"

"I'm going to Hagrid's, I've got a good feeling about going to Hagrid's."

"This is night, Diddykins. That's what we call it when it goes all dark like this."

Hope that helps

[Kristy]

examples
Ron: Well, I had one that I was playing Quidditch the other night. What do you think that means?
Harry: Probably that you're going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something


You know your mother, Malfoy? The expression on her face - like she's got dung under her nose? Is she like that all the time or just because you were with her


Harry: Have you ever let it slip that you'd like to go out in public with the words 'My Sweetheart' round your neck?

Arthur weasley: Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain

Albus Dumbledore: Time is making fools of us again

Albus Dumbledore: When you have seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love

Albus Dumbledore: Welcome. Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!

Trelawney: Would anyone like me to help interpret the shadowy realms within their orb?
Ron: it's obvious what this means. There's going to be loads of fog tonight

Cho: Wangoballwime? Sorry?
Harry: D’you—d’you want to go to the ball with me?

Harry: Professor - I was in Divination just now, and - er - I fell asleep
Dumbledore: Quite understandable. Continue

[Chelsea]

"'You know how to drive, I take it?' he asked Uncle Vernon politely.
'Know how to--? Of course I ruddy well know how to drive!' spluttered Uncle Vernon.
'Very clever of you, sir, very clever, I personally would be utterly bamboozled by all those buttons and knobs,' said Dedalus. He was clearly under the impression that he was flattering Vernon Dursley..."

This is when Dedalus Diggle and Hestia Jones come to take the Dursleys into hiding. :-)