How can i help my boyfriend cope with adoption?

[Morgan]

my boyfriend of 6 months who i love very much is 17. just yesterday he found information about his birth parents. he has been up 24/7 searching on myspace, facebook, whatever he can reach trying to find them. its serious. i want to help. i want him to know that im here and am making an effort. he's depressed and will be until he figures out who they are. what do i do?

[Rosie]

Make brownies. It might be a long search and he'll need the energy.

Seriously, that is about all you can do is be supportive and keep him company.

[Proud AP!]

Did he let the adoption attorney or agency know that he was open to talking to them or having contact with them? Most of the time they are going to have to wait until they are 18...(it just depends.) I say have him contact them and go from and just be supportive...also if his adoptive parents are supportive of his decision to that would be the most beneficial.

[Serene E]

Tell him to chill. He doesn't know why he was given up, who they were. He can find out, but it's not life threatening.

[v]

you might be able to check adoption.org, I am currently trying to adopt and found a lot of helpful information. He will probably have to wait until he is 18 but see if he can calm down enought to talk to his parents, the ones that have loved him his entire life. Remind him that he is in a good place, there are so many other places he could be (just look at the waiting children in your state or in the nation and you will see all the older children in foster care and group homes).

Its hard to not know where you came from, but chances are he will realize that where he is going is way more important than where he has been, or might have been.

Good luck, be patient.

[Pip]

Just be there for him and if he is willing to let you help with his search follow his lead.

[Kay]

If he was adopted through an agency then get in touch with them as they'll have information on his birth parents and contact information. I was adopted and I'm 15 I got in touch with my birth father over facebook last year and I don't regret it I just don't think I was ready. When I added him I was so sure I was ready but when I spoke to him (over msn) I was shaking and scared I didn't know what to say. I should imaging even though he may not admit it he's feeling somewhat the same. Give he support and make sure he knows your there for him.

Hope I've helped wish him luck

[Theresa]

It's really considerate of you to ask this question.

Right now he needs to know he's not alone. There's a forum at http://www.AdultAdoptees.org that is adoptee only, and he'll get a lot of support from other people who have been there.

Probably the best thing you can do is read as much as you can about adoption to help you understand what he's going through. Some good books to start with are

The Primal Wound, Nancy Verrier
http://bit.ly/PrimalWound


Lost & Found, The Adoption Experience
http://bit.ly/LostFound


Also, there's a new Yahoo group forming for people who are partners of adoptees. The woman who is starting is is married to an adoptee and is looking for other people to join. If you're interested you can learn more at the link below

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Partners_of_Adoptees/

Best of luck to both of you.

[sunny]

Get on that show the "Locater" or hire a private investigator. Tell him to go to the adoption agency who handled his adoption (if known) but they probably won't give him the information until he is 18. Also the adoption may have been closed, in which case he won't get that information and they may not want to see him or have a relationship with him.

[7rin]

Give him space, but don't go out of earshot.

*seconds Theresa's answer - especially wrt http://www.adultadoptees.org/ *