How to contact an absent father?

[missy beau]

He has not been seen in 13 years but know the rough area to search. I have a 3 page print out of phone numbers but don't know how to ask for a meeting with/for his abandoned child (who is a classic case of kids without dads and is into some bad behaviour). The child has an idealised image of him that needs to become real with a face to face meeting- so how do you ring 30 phone numbers with a problem like this?

[Elmbeard]

I have not seen my children in over 8 years (nearly 9 for my daughter) and they have grown up without me. I miss them terribly, but know that if I make the first approach, I will only antagonise them, since their mother has long painted a picture of me as a useless loser and not important in their lives now they have a real dad in the shape of their stepfather.

Anyone who called me an "absent father" (especially Government officials) got threatened with a lawsuit, and really I have always regarded that slur on my character as defamatory and untrue. I was discarded like a used tissue for a better model, and have had to come to terms with it best I can.

I'd love very much to meet my two children again, but don't expect I will. I have left instructions in my will that if I die, they should not be told, nor any of their mother's associates or relatives, and of course I have written them out. It's their loss that they have accepted their mother's opinion of me.

The best thing your son or daughter can do is to send a letter or email, rather than you doing it yourself. Finding him requires a bit of detective work - try Facebook, a Google search, the Electoral Roll, and anything really that could whittle down those 3 pages to a handful of numbers you could get a friend to call posing as a double glazing salesperson or a Jehovah's Witness (be prepared for some rude words!).

[debrac]

You just start calling giving your name first and asking if that person is there or that you are trying to find so & so. Be prepared that he might not respond to you. I'm sorry that your child is acting out, but most kids do. You might want to think very carefully before you walk this path. Even though its not easy to deal with your child's image of his so called father, remember he is a child that needs to be protected emotionally. A face to face meeting might not be in his best interests. The guy has already proven that he's a creep and your son doesn't need to be exposed to that. It will only damage him more. I know I've gone through this.
And by the way Elmsbeard, you've taken the easy out. I wonder how much time and effort you put into showing up ( which is your legal right ) to show your kids that you are their father no matter what. What a copout you are . The goverment is right.

[grania_3]

You need help from a counselor or support group who deals with this sort of thing. A reality check for the child right now may not be the best idea. Counseling, support groups, community services, etc are a must for the welfare and health of your child dealing with an absent father.