Is it okay to have a meal at someone's gravesite?

[Revan]

I saw some photos on facebook the other day; it was 3 people sharing a small meal and some beers at their dead relatives grave site on their birthday, late at night. It was the dead relatives mother, sister and brother. What do other people think of this? Do you think its okay?

[Ironpump]

Who are we to judge?

[Elise]

I think it is fine. As long as they were paying respects to someone, I don't see why someone couldn't have a meal near their relatives grave. If they were just eating there late at night and didn't know any of the deceased then maybe they would be rude.

[Mr Warrior]

Alchohol is against the law in graveyards.
It is private property and the management has the right to refuse entry to people that do not meet standards in terms of etiquette.

These people might not be drunk. They might just want to have one beer in front of the grave.
But what if my relative is in the grave right next to it. I go to visit and i see them having that one beer. It interferes with my grieving.

Anyone that interferes with anothers grieving is a breach of terms and conditions of the graveyard. Therefor authorities can be called to remove the people or remove the alchohol.

At night gravesites are not open. They are closed. Noone is allowed to enter because of chance of desecration of tombstones etc. Seeing as it is private property anyone seen on a graveyard after hours can be removed and arrested for trespassing. Especially if it is an night and u can not see the graves anyway, u have no need to be there. its trespassing.

[Arroganthat976]

I've been fortunate not to know that kind of loss in my life, but I imagine that's the closest way they felt they could be to to the deceased person. Its one of the ways they felt their presence would be with the entire family.

I will admit, I can't identify with actually taking pictures that I would post on Facebook, but once I saw a picture of people drinking shots on a grave of a loved one, and leaving a bottle of tequila on the gravesite. At first I thought it seemed disrespectful, but then I realized it was just their way they related in life, and wanted to symbolically 'relate' in death.

Wow I'm thinking a lot more about this question than I thought I would. But you know what? If I were to pass, and my people came long enough for a picnic, or my friends left a perfectly mixed cocktail for me, I'd feel loved and I would hope that their gestures gave them some peace.

[MissDementia]

I think it's fine. Not only that, perhaps you have heard of Día de los Muertos - Day of the Dead. It's an honoring of one's kin who have passed and it is common to decorate the grave sites of your ancestors and have a picnic and a party in the cemetery as part of the celebrations. I live in California now, and Day of the Dead celebrations are common in some places here. There's a LOT more to it, but I oversimplified it for Y!A, just to give you an idea, of course.

There are many cultures and faith paths that remember the dead more intensely than those outside that culture and/or faith path. Many times this does involve sharing a meal with our beloved dead or making offerings to honor them. Depending on the individuals involved, that can involve anything from a "dumb supper" to what you saw pictures of - going to the actual grave site and dining there.

Oh yes, before I forget, just because it was dark in the pics doesn't mean they were doing anything wrong with their mere presence. The historical cemeteries in my area are closed after 10 PM and don't open again until 8 AM, but that's plenty of time to go and have supper with your beloved dead, and it is indeed dark here by 10 PM - especially this time of year. Also, open containers are generally against the law in public here, period, but that rule is usually ignored when it comes to things like funerals and weddings or other tradtions involving alcohol for some peole AS LONG AS everyone is behaving themselves and being discreet. A friend of mine has a beer with his dead dad about once a week at a local cemetery. He saves the empties and uses them as part of the decoration for a Yule tree he places there every year. Not all cemeteries are so liberal (or even close), but apparently this one *is* quite liberal as elaborate decorations of odd design are quite common there - as are picnics with the dead relatives involving beer and wine, apparently.

[eightieschic]

It's called All Soul's Day. It's celebrated her in the Philippines. It's a Hispanic tradition so most Spaniard's celebrate this holiday. Basically, everyone gathers at the grave site. They bring a feast to fit a king and party all night long.

[Bert Weidemeier]

Why does this really matter to anyone?

[Purpleflower]

I wouldn't do it but I've heard of many people who do this so I would say that it is okay. Don't just go pick some random grave of someone you don't know to do it though because that would be disrespectful.