why a married man would give his number to an ex girlfriend and sent sexual messages to her?

[Kelly N]

I found out my husband had been senting messages and talking to his ex girlfriend and trying to hook up with her, these were sexual messages and she was just as willing to be with him, she is also married. He found her on facebook and since have exchanged numbers and he calls her and she calls him, i have been married for twenty years. I am shocked, and hurt, he is very secretive of his cell phone and computer.

[Agnostic Queen]

Well, maybe shes the one that got away.... men usually have those... unfortunately.... and you have been together 20 years... hes probably bored and this is exciting... for both of them..however.... as anything will die down..... if I were you I would ask him to move out... give him his reality.... thats usually what makes them make a decision which is what you want.... dont just stand by and let her take him from you..... kick him out... believe or not that will be the best thing you can do to keep him....... the sooner you confront this situation, the better. A man who caught off guard is vulnerable... a man who has plenty of time to plan is not.... so get a move on..... seriously....... dont be mean, be matter of fact, stay calm... at all times.... you dont want to be the crazy wife...... good luck

[Mandi T]

I would leave him.. that is not right.. especially if their acting strangely. I wouldn't put up with that crap. If you still love him and want to make it work I suggest couples counselling. Maybe he is having a midlife crisis. Who knows how men think! Good Luck

[fatjeans689]

I'll beat the sh*t out of him..LOL just kidding! Seriously,that's an acceptable..I dont know how i'll handle it but there would be war..I'm so sorry honey but you should talk to him and tell him the consequences if he wont stop.Good luck!

[Danin]

and your question is? you know the answer but you are in denial. Which is normal and you need to decide what you want to do with the next 20 years.

He is doing his life journey and his path is veering off. You decide whether to hand on to him and let him do the driving or you now take your own path and become in control of your life and let him know this.

He will allow you to treat yourself with low respect and expect you to see him through this, but why couldnt he have put this much effort into revamping your passion and be there wanting to find ways to intimately please and excite you?

Please see yourself as an individual and not just there as his appendage and for him to decide what to do with.

There is no such thing as midlife crisis where affairs are concerned. It is selfish and lazy. He took the easy way out and wants to have his cake and eat it to.

but what ever you decide. Make sure you know your finances. find out what accounts you have, how much home loan is left, do you have insurance? who is it withand who is the payer. You need to take responsiblity for your life no matter what and he needs to see this.

[mistista07]

Hate to say it but its time to creep through his phone without him Knowing. Im going to tell you right now you are going to be pissed and hurt and find things he is saying that you wont like...check pictures on his phone as well. Men can be sneaky and stupid. Facebook is seriously the death of many relationships. Men become vulnerable when typing is so easy to do at their finger tips. Honestly I am against FB unless they are looking for lost family. I am against men and women being friends on FB or IRL because marred-in a relationship-or not 10/10 flirting occurs and that leads to the next thing. This causes a lot of drama in relationships that were once stable and happy. Most men are cowards. Women we really do set the tone. Basically you are going to have to talk to him about his conversations and how he should be appropriate and respectful of your relationship and your feelings when he talks with the opposite sex or better stick with his male friends.

[Clarice]

People who says "oh just leave him" are people who's never really loved someone. 20 years is a very long time. God bless your heart. I would let her husband know so he can settle the problem with his wife while you discuss the situation with your husband. Then I would confront the b*tch. It's your decision if you decide to leave or stay but I hope you pull through and do what's best for you. Love ya..

[KAS]

Because he's a cheater! He's looking elsewhere to get him more excitement! Are you having problems in your marriage? If so, maybe you both need to go to counseling to salvage your marriage.

Definitely is shocking and hurtful. Until you step up and demand he stop communication with this ex, he'll continue doing what's he's doing.

Ask him to move out until he decides "who" he wants!