most tactful way to announce our engagement?

[Dani]

My boyfriend and I are getting engaged soon, and we want to marry in NY though most of our friends and family are in the mid-west. We want to tactfully announce our union without inviting people to our wedding (only our very closest family and friends are being invited, and few of those will make the trek to be there.) Does anyone have any suggestions? Should we do engagement announcements right away? Wedding announcements after the fact? A combination? Any way of wording things that would be better than others? We can come up with something on our own, but input would be helpful.

[amyhpete]

Just put the engagement announcement in the paper of your midwestern hometowns. Most of the papers have a format you follow. You can also send a photo. Mention plans are in the works for a June, 2013 wedding in New York, or whatever.

Then you're free to invite only those you plan to have there, and send wedding announcements to everyone else after the fact.

[Christina]

you cannot hold an engagment party or send annoucments unless they are invited to the wedding. you could put it in the paper and change your facebook relationship status (assuming you have Facebook). of course before facebook or the paper, you shuld tell all your close friends/family.

you could also invite the people who you want at your wedding and then if they cannot go, they cannot go. sometimes it's surprising who is willing to come and who is not. but if you want to keep it small than that's a different story.

[Lydia]

Unless you are 12 please do not announce your engagment via Face Book. After you announce it to your friends and family you could mention it there but not before. Using FB for something so special seems a bit tacky.Sending engagement announcements has really fallen by the wayside as far as I know.That formality is not really practiced much any more. If you have older relatives who would be use to things like that I would send out personal greeting cards telling them about your engagement and then put an announcement in your hometown newspaper for friends. You will be inviting the people you want to attend by sending them a wedding invitation so do not send out wedding announcements after the fact unless you are fishing for gifts. Once people see that you are engaed they will assume you followed through and got married so no need to send them something telling them you did.
Congradulations to you !

[peanut 2]

Theres not really a tactful way to tell people you are getting married soon, but not give them an invite.

Perhaps if you say you are undecided on the date at this moment in time.
As its common for people to have an engagement party or notify people of an engagement without inviting people at that time as no arrangements have been made yet

Theres no polite way to not invite family to your wedding.

[joinme4coffee]

Engagements are generally "announced" by word of mouth. Don't send engagement announcements unless you intend to invite all that receive them will be invited to the wedding. Tell your parents, siblings, best friends. Word will spread as needed. Since most of your guests will be traveling, send save the dates just to them. When you announce your engagement and show your excitement, others get excited too and a lot will assume that they will be invited.

[Jilly]

Formal engagement announcements are weird and dated. Tell your friends and family that you're engaged - it's news. I mean, it's not like you're going to keep it a secret until after your wedding on the off chance you're going to hurt Great Aunt Debbie's feelings. People will inevitably ask your mother "So, when is the big day?" Your mother will then say "They're doing a small ceremony in New York and we couldn't be happier." BOOM. Done.

As far as announcing it via facebook - whether or not people like it or think that it's "appropriate" it is a primary way that information is dispersed in 2012. Once you tell the first tier friends/family, then it is perfectly fine to announce it on facebook. Just make sure that anyone who is actually important hears it from you.

Then, once it's all said and done, feel free to send marriage announcements if you like. They are also old fashioned and, in my opinion, somewhat dated but I get that if you're doing a small ceremony like you are they would be useful.

If people get excited and assume they're invited, so what? No one is going to book plane tickets until they talk to you or your immediate families. They will eventually get the picture when they talk to your mom. Also, and I think brides sometimes lose sight of this fact, not everyone's life revolves around your wedding. I mean, I understand that it's an important day for you but not everyone is waiting around their mailbox for an invitation. Some people just like you and want to hear that you're happy but couldn't care less about being invited.