What to do if you don't like the way your life turned out but your wife does?

[Eccentric Dad]

I can't change my life without it severely disadvantaging my wife. I am 30 and we have kids together. I just want to try something different so the family can be more optimistic but every time I get slightly optimistic my wife knocks me down with her pessimism. What to do?

[Rodney A]

BOTH of you
take 5000 iu vitamin D daily
you will see a difference within a week!

[Bull Shizz]

Truly it's all dependent on how much you value the wifey n how invested in the relationship you are

[Alan]

Don't blame your stuff on other people. You can be optimistic if you want.

Be optimistic, human nature is to copy those around them.

If you are optimistic everyday, your wife may pick that optimism from you.

Yeah, like the other guy said, vitamins generally help.

Just be nice to her, she's probably jealous/envious of your optimism. It's human's pathetic nature.

[Cece]

Maybe you do it without preparing her first. From the cultural background or family upbringing, some women do not quickly accept something doable or feasible without feeling it will fail. Or sometimes, a woman can be expose to the modern times and can perceive her husband's idea as failure because women has that intuition to know it. A man unfortunately is impulsive and can see from A to maybe D but a women can perceive a thing to work or not from A - Z and over with backup plan etc. If so, she is not a pessimist, she is being cautious.

[Hawkflight]

Without knowing the details of the changes you would like to make, and why exactly your wife doesn't think they will work out it's difficult to answer your question.

Are you more of a risk taker than she is? Perhaps she's afraid of change - better the devil you know than the devil you don't?

[Rick]

It sounds like she's afraid of the change or changes your new life plans would cause her. However, all this will depend on what specifically you're planning on changing.

[Lex]

I just answered your other question and it really sounds like you both need some counseling.

[highmask089]

Welcome to adulthood. And I do mean welcome, as you are just now achieving it.

While females reach full maturity at age 24, males do not achieve this until age 30.

A lot is changing for you right now. Your whole view of the world, and those around you, is changing and adjusting. That includes your perceptions of your wife and children.

Also, it is a time of great stress, especially in this MANcession, and the rates of depression in males are reach all new highs, with males as young as age 6 committing suicide.

Be patient, this will pass, but you should also get screened for depression. When was the last time you got a full physical, including stress testing?

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[x]

Change is painful. ANY change is painful, even when you change for the better.

The anticipation of pain, brings fear and anxiety, both of which are painful.

It is not just your wife that is afraid, but you also; and to a degree you are using your wife and her reaction as an excuse not to do something you are afraid to do yourself.

If you wanted to go to the beach, and you thought you would like it there, and set off, but kept thinking about reasons you shouldn't go to the beach, you would turn around before you got there.

Logically look at the problem, and the possible solutions. Do not let emotions or fear interfere, yours or hers. Take yours and your wife and children ALL into the equasion. The future and the now are based on different imperatives. Now is about comfort, the future is about success.

Many people have wanted to leave the slums, but when they got to a better place were so uncomfortable they went back to the slums. The point is, you can become comfortable with the known problem, and be uncomfortable with the solution because if feels strange to you. DON'T rely on your "feelings" think it out on paper.

You would not try to solve a math problem just in your mind or talking about it, how much more complicated is this problem. Write it down.

And Dusta, read your other question's answers; and man get off the pot and pick best answers. Even just picking from answers to the questions, is practice in developing a habit of picking a direction to go!