What types of things should I ask my biological mom?

[★Xënøn Vðr†ëx★]

I finally got in contact with my biological mom last week....well, at least I finally got a response from her mom, and her mom gave me my biological mom's email address.

I've been waiting for this day for a long time. But, now that I finally have the ability to talk to her, I don't know what to say. I've never met her before and I have no idea how to approach it.

Does anyone have any suggestions or tips?
Thank you!

[TheOtherSide]

Straying from the more emotional side of things, my suggestion is to get info on the medical history of your family. Heart disease, mental diseases, cancer history, etc. It's very important to know these things for later in your life.

[blahblahhha]

I contacted my bio half brother threw facebook. So my situation was a little different... but i do know where you are coming from. Just dont come off to forward, angry, etc. You dont want to scare her off. As far as the questions you want to ask. That is your decision, i know you have thought about all the things you would ask her for years. Just skim threw them and think whats most appropriate. Also, Email is a good way becuase it will give her time to respond instead of a phone call. Good luck!!

-Also, my sister just started talking with her bio father not to long ago. She is not friends with him on FB. She didnt come at him with any anger or questions at all. She just said she wanted him in her life & wasnt requesting anything but his time and converstation.

_i mean she is now* friends with him on FB.

[?]

meet at a place wear you guys can meet up for coffee or eat somewhere keep it casual

[*Rachel*]

I've never been in a situation like this (As far as I know, my parents are my biological parents) but it this is the first time you've ever spoken to her, you want to make it a bit more casual. Tell her who you are, ask her a little bit about herself (her job, who she is, where she went to school, etc.) then I'd suggest asking if you could meet in person somewhere to get to now her better.

Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you.

[Emily]

Well when you started the search you had something in mind, don't think on it to long. It could make it really awkward for both of you.

[immenseBandit977]

Yay! Oh my gosh, that's incredible. I'm really glad for you.

WELL ... I once sat down with a man for coffee - a professional writer, in fact, after Wordfest hit up Calgary. His name was Arnold Henry, and he wrote an autobiography. He told me, in detail, about how his half-sister found him through Facebook, and how they started to talk for the first time in their lives.
The advice I can give you won't be anything with guaranteed results. It'll be just based on conclusions I've drawn on Mr Henry's feelings about it.

Try not to ask anything too deep or emotional. Since this is your first time talking with her, you'll have to hold yourself back just a bit. Keep it light and simple, because if your inquiries are too heavy, it might be an ineffective approach. To begin with, I'd suggest just sparking some nice conversation. Do try and make it clear that you're in no way upset with her - since you don't seem to be - and that you really want to try and make a bond. If she's aware that you're happy, and comfortable, she'll be more likely to want to talk to you; otherwise, she might feel guilty, responsible, overwhelmed, etc. Mention that you'd like to start corresponding regularly, that you want to keep in touch with her and know how she's doing from time to time, that you're interested and you don't hold any sort of grudge or hard feelings. You just want to get to know her. Begin with that. You want to approach this at a comfortable pace. You don't want to charge right in and overwhelm her, and you don't want to seem cautious, otherwise you might give off the wrong impression.
Make it fun, and quirky. It doesn't have to be sentimental. It can be as simple and straightforward as, "I really like to cook, although I'm kind of horrible at it. Are you a good cook?" (I'm not saying you're horrible at cooking! (: But in all seriousness, I am! Haha...) Introduce yourself, for sure! Tell her about you, and make it clear you want to know the little things about her, too. Keep the e-mail short - trust me, e-mails grow. My pen-pal and I began with four-sentence-long e-mails and they have now grown to 9 pages on Microsoft Word. The crucial element, though, is letting her know you're not unhappy.


By the way, I adore your Halloween-themed icon. Maybe I should get a freaky icon, too. B&A would be so cool if everyone was sporting creepy icons! (:

I really hope it works out with your mother. Best of luck, Xenon!
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