How much privacy does a teenager deserve to have?

[Mr. Best Answer]

I have a 14 year old daughter who lives with her mother. We were never married and haven’t been involved in a very long time.

Her mother is insistent upon having her Facebook user name and password and the same for her email account. She can be a hellion but I don't feel has done anything worthy of being watched so closely. I'm no expert parent so I was curious what the popular opinion was.

Is this fair or is this too much?

[kbk823]

Privacy is a privilege that must be earned, and is not automatic.

Teens are incredibly stupid and naive, and must be protected even if they don't want to be.

[lady]

Fair stops at a roof over their heads, clean clothing and food and love. Beyond that, mom and or dad call the shots. ABSOLUTELY you should have all passwords and access to facebook, email, txt messages, etc...!!! you would not be a responsible parent otherwise.

[Paraiba Blue]

I've noticed the most suspicious people are the ones who were rogues themselves. Her mom was likely a social brat in her teen years so now she distrusts her daughter.

[straightfireman889]

Think of this: a child/teen is like a spring. You coil it so tightly that one day it springs back harder than you could imagine.
I'm 14, exactly your daughter's age. I get that her mom wants to protect her, like any good mom!
But if I were in your daughter's position, I would feel like my mom did not trust me one ounce enough to let me have something of my own, by myself.
I think her mother should reserve the right to go on her facebook, and establish that having a Facebook is a privilege, and can be taken away.
But you may as well have the key to her diary of you want to have the passwords to all her accounts.

[TokioHotelGirl95]

I think many parents seem to judge every teenager with the same brush, not all teens are stupid and about to get raped by an online stalker. By giving no privacy it encourages people to hide things.

And if my mum didn't trust me and looked over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't (Drinking, doing dugs, having sex...) I would go and do it to prove a point. Silly, maybe, but if you're looking for something and you haven't found it but you keep on looking, fine, I'll give it to you.

[TokioHotelGirl95]

A teenager deserves to have as much privacy as she has proven she can handle. Since your daughter lives with her mother full-time, you may be unaware of some of what has driven her mother to require access to her Facebook and email accounts.

If my child has proven responsible, trustworthy and mature, I don't need to check her email account, but I do want to be able to access her Facebook page at all times (I'm happy to do this via my own account) just to be sure there are no inappropriate pictures or any kind of bullying going on.

If I've had reason to distrust my teen, depending on the severity of the issues, I'll have access to email, Facebook, cell phone texts and pictures, and, if the issues involve drugs, the door to my child's room will be removed and a daily search conducted.

Basically, if my teen wants to behave like a criminal, I will treat her like a criminal. If my teen violates my trust, she will have a long road to travel to earn that trust back. If my teen behaves responsibly and with maturity, she'll have quite a bit of freedom and autonomy. My teen's behavior dictates how I will parent her.

[MissKayleeBee]

I wasn't technically allowed to have a facebook until I was about 17 (although I had one when I was 14)... my parents knew I had one (I had nothing bad on there because I didn't, and still don't, drink, smoke, or put anything up that i would regreat) and they did ask me for the username and password, however they didn't really ever check it. And when they did it was them just saying "hey may I look at your facebook" and I would get mad that they didn't trust me and yes I would kind of throw a fit and get angry but I never had anything on there to be embarrassed about so...I never got in trouble.

Looking back, yes I think it was totally fair. My parents are a lot more lenient with my brothers (my parents say because i'm a girl and girls need to be protected more, even though I had no interest in doing those kinds of things) and it seems to me like a lot of these girls that my younger brothers are hanging out with are little hoochies. I'm friends with some of their friends on facebook and I look at some of these girls pictures and what they are saying...it's very disturbing. I have lost all disrespect for the high school freshmen at this point and I'm very disappointed in the parenting that is going on. I guess I'm old fashioned (for a 19 year old lol) and I just don't think these types of things are appropriate. It's okay to trust your kid....but you never know what they are doing on the internet, cell phone (my mom has found dirty texts on my brothers phone, in which the GIRLS are all the starter of these conversations...probably because they are insecure), and other things.


I would say, get the username and password...just in case. if she starts hiding it or Xing out when you come into a room, then question it, ask to see the profile, if she refuses THEN and only then would I actually take force by going on myself...although I would not tell the child because they can change the password at anytime.

[Helpful :)]

I think thats too far. If her mother did this, then your daughters going to feel like nobody has any trust for her and unless thats true, why should she feel that?
Yeah, check up on her facebook every once in a while but she doesnt need to have all that information.
She's not a baby anymore, she's growing up. Im not saying she's an adult or anything but she certainly isnt a baby. If you show you trust her with having a facebook etc, she'll like the feeling of being an "adult" and act responsibly.

[Kc]

It's a bit much. It's fair for her mom to insist on being a friend on her Facebook page so she can see who your daughter is friends with, but demanding the password is a bit much. When she's 16 she should be able to decide for herself whether she wants either of you on her account at all if she's a smart, trustworthy, mature girl who has proven herself to be capable of making sound decisions.

Just teach her about internet safety so she can protect herself.