Help? i dont know what to say to my sister thats lost her newborn?

[Kittykai M]

my sister will talk to me on facebook soon, but i have no idea what to say to her as she's lost her newborn. i dont want to say anything that will make her feel worse, please help.

[quiet_hands]

Just let her know that you're there for her for anything she needs and in any way she needs. Be sensitive and loving and respect her wishes if she has any.

I'm soooo sorry for your sister and you... I can't even begin to imagine the pain she must be going through.

[Como La Flor]

Consoling Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage

If you have a friend or family member who has gone through a miscarriage, there is much you can do to help her (and her partner). First, simply letting her know that you are very sorry to hear of her loss is the kindest thing you can do. Letting her know that you are available to help or listen is another good suggestion. Most women who have had a miscarriage will find either or both of these quite adequate and helpful. Unfortunately, most of us feel awkward when faced with a friend in emotional pain, and we feel obligated to say something else. Sadly, what we attempt to say in these sensitive situations may not come across right and we may instead say something profoundly hurtful and insensitive. In fact, most women who have had a miscarriage tell me that they have heard unbelievably insensitive comments from their friends and family, and in some cases this has led to permanently damaged relationships. Comments such as "the baby would have been deformed anyway," "it must be punishment for something you did wrong," or even "you can always have more" can be extremely painful to a woman and her partner. A similarly disturbing comment is "how can you be so upset; you were barely pregnant?" Women and their partners who suffer a miscarriage often have severe grief over the loss of their baby. It does not matter how far along the mother was at the time of her loss, and, in fact, many women grieve as much over the loss of a baby in the first trimester as they do for a stillborn baby or a baby that dies many months or years after birth. Grief is very individual, and friends and loved ones should try to be kind and supportive through this difficult process.

In summary, miscarriage is very common and may be caused by a number of problems. Fortunately, there is about a 90% chance that the next pregnancy following a miscarriage will be normal. In more unusual situations a problem may exist that leads to recurrent pregnancy losses. Fortunately, patients who have recurrent pregnancy losses can often be successfully treated so that they are able to carry a baby to full term. Supportive, patient, and nonjudgmental friends and family members can be extremely helpful to the couple who have suffered a miscarriage.

[Hoshikuzu]

Just let her know that you are there if she ever needs anything... even just to talk. Let her know that you love her... DO NOT say anything like "O'h, you can try again" or "Maybe it was for the best"

I am sorry for you as an aunt also... it will be a hard time for a while, but time does heal all wounds.

[?]

Just say you’re sorry and tell her you are there for her if she wants to talk about it, if she talks to you about then just listen and comfort her.

[abfabmom1]

Well, my first recommendation is that this shouldn't be a Facebook conversation. If you can't visit in person, then a phone call would be most appropriate. The thing to say is, "I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please let me know if I can help with anything during this time of grieving."

And then leave it at that. She'll come to you if she needs something. Otherwise, assume that she's trying to move forward with the more "mundane" parts of life, and move forward along with her.

[smedrik]

Just let her know that you are there for her and if there is anything you can do, just ask.