Checking teens texts- OK or NOT?

[itsaponay]

I am wondering what people think about checking a teens text messages.

My mother likes to check my text messages but it really bugs me because we are not very close (we never have been) and I really don’t like her getting into my personal life! I’m a good student, always getting A’s and B’s and I don’t really go to parties and I certainly don’t do drugs, so I find it really aggravating when my mother checks my texts! I have never done anything to tempt her to check them either! Its not that I have anything to hide, its just...well, MY life. Its gotten to the point where I don’t ever text my friends expect to find out what the homework is or to hang out.

My mother also stalks my Facebook. I’m fine with her being friends with me and checking up on me every once in a while, but she has programmed it so every time I write one comment or post one thing, she gets a notification. Again, I have nothing to hide, she just feels it necessary and it makes me so upset! Do you think this is reasonable?
Also, I have brought this up to my parents before. I have asked if its because they don’t trust me, and they say “No, no honey!” so then I ask then WHAT but they never actually give me and answer.

I feel so INVADED when they go through my life! It makes me so depressed

[ツ Paяty Poison.]

I think that's an extreme invasion of privacy.

[Carlie]

Not okay, in my opinion. It's an invasion of privacy. My parents have always given me my space, and I'm grateful for that.

Maybe you should tell her what you just told us. Just have a civil conversation and see if you can work something out.

[Poncho]

Definitely not OK with me. I love my parents and all, but I wouldn't be comfortable with them reading what I text my friends. I'm kind of a good kid, so they wouldn't read anything too bad. I just feel that conversations between me and my friends should stay like that. My parents don't need to know what my friends are thinking.

As for the facebook thing, I don't care. I set stuff so they can't see it anyway, ha.

Edit: For those people saying it's okay because they're paying for it, here's what my parent's had to say: "Sure we bought it, but we gave it to you. It was a gift, so we shouldn't feel entitled to read your messages. Even though we are. But we wont, because we trust you and we can just take it away if you misbehave." My parents are cool. But yeah, sure they bought it for you, but they need to respect your privacy. You should just one day sit them down and talk to them that you're responsible and it's uncomfortable for them to read exchanges with your friends. It's not just your privacy they're invading; it's your friends', too. I'm assuming they don't know your parents read your texts.

[ѕupeяnσνa ★]

As your parent, they are allowed to do these things, but I think a teenager should be allowed to have some privacy in their life.

[Ò“oÑ…!]

Well, it depends.

Normally? No, it's rather invasive and unnecessary for parents to just have a check. It isn't as if we're angels. Parents should realize that we're going to swear, talk dirty every once in a while, etc. It's part of growing up.

When a relationship's going on? That one's different. Usually, I'd say the same thing as I did above, but now, no. I was with a guy who did drugs and drank. Lots of guys want to hurt him, and he gets in a lot of trouble. Had my parents not read my texts and seen that he was involved in that, I would still be with him, and (as my guyfriend told me) probably in danger, if not already hurt. The sh*t was real, and I was too blinded to realize it. It created a lot of stress for me, but my parents actually saved me from getting into a FUCKload of trouble.

So based on my own experiences, I think it's only okay in some circumstances. If your parents are concerned, maybe then. My parents had a reason, so I understand that. Checking at random will only drive a teen to become sneaky and to hide things from their parents.

What I'll say is that if your parents can justify checking texts, so be it. But it should be rare, rare, rare. If they want to know stuff, they're better off just asking about it. Because reading texts just pisses us off, honestly, even if nothing "bad" is there.

[Nicky]

Complete invasion of privacy. If u had done something to make them want to know and control your every move like you get hone drunk one day or something but if you havent done that then they need to chill and mind their own business especially since youve proven to them that youre a good daughter and they have nothing to worry about. Some parents r just control freaks like damn.

[Angela]

I dont think thats okay unless you one of those "rebels" that dont give a damn then yeah but other than that It is most definetly NOT okay!

[kat]

If they have reason to check, then yes. If the teen is acting suspicious, appears to be up to something, may be doing drugs, etc. then I believe the parent has every right to look through their phone. If the teenager pays for the phone bill and paid for the phone, then the parent should stay away from it unless they believe their kid's life is in danger imo. But most parents pay for their child's phone bill, so they have the right. Maybe ask your mom to give you a bit more privacy and explain your reasoning? Teenagers need to grow up and need their privacy and space. Parents shouldn't be invading every pint of private-life their kid has, and you aren't into anything bad so I'd say you deserve her trust for now. Without parents' trust and no privacy, that tends to make the kid more angsty than in-check tbh. Everyone deserves privacy unless they've deceived peoples' trust several times.

[Scarlet]

yes its ok