How do you find your birth mother?

[Tara-Lee]

Well this isnt really for me, but for my mum, she was adopted out as a baby 39 years ago, and i myself and her are really curious to know who she is and more about her and her family, how do you find where she lives, if you have her full name and her two sisters names?

[tony palma]

Assemble all information you have on your birth parents. If your adoptive parents are cooperative they should be able to give you a little bit of information or at least be able to tell you where you can find a social worker who could help you. If your parents are not cooperative you might be able to visit your local social services office to seek out the social worker who was responsible for your adoption case. If you are younger than 18, a social worker is unable to assist you in your search without direct permission from your adoptive parents.

Step 2Visit or contact a social worker, or your own social worker, who can help you find out more information on your birth mother. Unfortunately many times birth mothers sign for closed adoptions and wish to keep all of their information hidden. If this is the case your social worker will be unable to give you any contact information, or give you very little.

Step 3Use little bits of information to make your own search. If you have an original copy of your birth certificate, you might be able to find out the name of your birth mother. Write down any information that you can find about your birth mother. You also might be able to trace your birth father to find information about your birth mother.

Step 4Use the Internet to visit adoption sites. Some sites offer reconnection services for a fee. Enter all the information you know about your birth mother onto the site's forums, and leave your contact information for others in case they have any information.

Step 5Prepare for a reunion. When you have obtained enough information to contact your birth mother, make the decision on how you want to make first contact. You may wish to make a phone call or meet in person. You will not know the kind of situation you will be walking into. You might greet a birth mother who chose to place you in an adoptive home to offer you a better life, or you may find a birth mother who gave you away because she didn't want you. Be prepared for the different things you may hear.

Step 6Bring someone with you, even if they stay out of the way until you leave. You might need their help and support.

[Smitty]

look up while coming out of canal

[Philippa]

Sorry if I repeat anything already said.

Firstly ignore what Tony Palma said that natural mothers who chose closed adoption don't want to know as that isn't true. About 96% of all mothers do actually want to be found - I should know I'm one of those mothers. Also many of us either surrendered before open adoptions started or we weren't told about them. I was coerced so I wasn't told and to add insult to injury I supposedly wrote letters to my son's adoptive parents and they sent me letters but I only received one.
Your mum can apply for her birth certificate which will cost £7.50 if she applies for it in the area her birth was registered.

She should go through go through a social worker or intermediary really as she was born before 1975. She can also apply for her adoption paperwork as well.

There are other ways of doing this if she doesn't want to go through official channels but going on my own experience it is probably the better route.

I found my son through Genes Reunited.

[kitta]

Since you have the names of mother and sisters, try this search engine:

http://www.pipl.com

It is pretty good. Also, try looking for them on facebook and myspace and other social netwoking sites.

Remember that many people have the same name, so you might not get the right people.

ETA: 39 years ago, most adoptions were closed. Even family adoptions(kinship adoptions) usually kept the secret. So don't be surprised if people in the family still don't know about you or your mum.

It helps to join a support group for people who are re-united.They can help you to understand what you might encounter, and the feelings from both sides. They also have lists of books that are helpful.

[dontknow86]

If you want my free, help just email me, I have found alot of people.

[Possum]

Totally depends on where she was born.

Australia - all records are open once you become an adult.
USA - sadly most states have blocked all access to that info.

Here's some places to start -

First - add your details to the registries here -
http://www.isrr.net/
http://registry.adoption.com/
(also look for local state and country registries – beware of those that ask for money)

Check for searching information here -
http://www.bastards.org/library/search.htm

Check here for search help - and links to search angels -
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

And check here for any support - it's the best online forum for adoptees I've found -
http://www.adultadoptees.org/

All the very best with the search. Do let your mum take the steps - as it needs to be her search first and foremost. It's wonderful that you're supporting her - as she'll need all the support around her she can get.