How do i approach/tear down someone who is putting up a front?

[Rob Linton]

I found out my girlfriend has been lieing to me. She sent money to a friend to help him out, told me she didn't. She has been telling me things are fine and good but her sister tells me they are not. She left her facebook open and went to work, when I checked it all of her true emotions were sat out in plain sight. Its obvious that she is putting up a front and lieing to me, how should I confront this?

[Starry Pluto]

She is not going to be happy that you went through her FB. Who would be?
I would try to be there for her, letting her know that you care for her deeply and if there is anything she needs you will be there. At the same time let her know you can't help her if she won't tell you the truth and at some point you will get fed up w/ the lies and move on. Then the ball is in her court and you have to make a decision. Do you keep putting up w/ her lies or do you move on?

[Maj]

Whoa, you cant' be much fun to live with. Your g/f is terribly unhappy and your first feelings are anger. You want to "confront" her - "tear' her down - Are you that dense? She is
"lying" because speaking to you is useless. You're a verbal abuser. Do one kind thing - let her go before she completely falls apart. Although i'm sure you won't - abusing the weak is more fun - right?
I hope that now that she has publicly opened her heart, she will find the inner strength to face up to your sick personality.

[Julia S]

I think that rather than confronting her, you should try to figure out why she's lying.

Have you ever tried to forbid her from helping out her friends financially? Have you reacted badly before when she told you that she did? It's one thing to not want her to send your money to someone else, but if she's choosing to send her own and it doesn't affect you financially, it's absolutely none of your business in the first place. You don't even really have a right to ask.

Have you been unsupportive before when she was having a tough time? For example, told her to stop complaining, told her that she didn't have a right to be upset (or minimized her emotions), changed the subject, etc? If she has come to you for support and got the message that you didn't want to hear it, of course she's not going to be open with you about negative emotions. You told her that you didn't want her to be.

If you tell her that you've been snooping, she's not going to be happy and she is going to learn even more that she can't trust you. You need to show her that you care. Ask her specific questions about her day and her life and listen when she talks. "How was work today? Has your boss some back yet?" or "Have you heard from your parents? How is your mom's garden doing?" or "Did you get any pictures from Sarah's baby shower? When is she due? I bet they're really excited." You get the picture. Don't just say, "How was your day?" Ask about a specific event or person that you know about. That shows that you were listening to her before and that you care about her.

She'll slowly learn that yes, you do care about her and her feelings, even if she's upset. Stop snooping.

[anonymous]

good afternoon you need to calm down first of all you are wrong you were the one whom invade her privacy so i think she deserve a chance to give her side of the story i really don't care if she was lying each and every one of us entitled to do what we want so if you can't handle that then i think you don't belong having no girl friend ok mr perfect! bye enjoy your life