when you have a baby do you lose your identity?

[heartless confessions]

I mean when you have had your baby is your life supposed to revolve around them? Are you just supposed to be a mother and talk about your baby all the time and put tons of pictures of your baby on facebook? Are you not a good mother if you have some independence but still love your baby?

[Love my baby boy!]

I put LOTS of pictures on my myspace and facebook of my son, but I also put ones of just me......I just went camping for the weekend without baby. I love him to death, but I need to do things independent so that I still feel like I have a life. happy mommy=happy baby. No, you're not just supposed to talk about your baby all the time. Sometimes I catch myself doing that though, and I make it a point to talk about other stuff with my friends, because I don't want it to get annoying.

[alli k/j]

Lol, you don't have to do those things, it's just that a lot of mothers enjoy doing those things. You do need to put your babies needs first, and you need to love them, but if you want to leave them with a sitter to go out dancing on friday night, or you don't put pictures of them up on facebook, that's fine.

[Cherry Limeade]

Hmm...

I still have my 'identity'. I'm still silly, funny (in real life, lol), curious, strong in my beliefs, all that. I still like to swim, watch cartoons and crime dramas, and talk to my mother and some friends on the phone. I do love my daughter, am extremely proud of my daughter, and will and do talk about my daughter when I can, only because she is my world, my baby, and my life. She is my love, other than my husband.

I knew a mom with four kids. This mom drank in front of her kids, had random men come in and have sex when her kids were there, she partied too much, went to clubs all the time, fed her kids macaroni and cheese every night, didn't help them with homework. She had her independence, but no, she wasn't a good mom. I believe as a mom, you sacrifice some old ways in order to be a good influence to your child. Being a mom is a sacrifice, but a beautiful one.

[jollyGenius611]

well my son does revolve around my life...he does come first and yes his pictures are all over my myspace. but i do think people have different views. and no it certainly does not mean you don't love your child because their not all over your face book/myspace.

[BEAUTY QUEEN]

After I had my son, my life basically became all about him. I dropped all my old friends because they couldn't relate to my life now. All of my current friends are parents and we have a blast talking about the new things our kids have learned or did. I still hang out like every other weekend, but most of the time, I like to find exciting things I can do with my son. He's 2 now and he's my EVERYTHING!!!

[angeleys400]

I just had my first baby 7 months ago. I am still myself only now I talk about my baby in some conversations and I have to think about what she needs and Whats best for her. But if your unhappy then you cannot take care of your baby right. Just make sure that get a break.

[Tracy M]

You're not a good mother if you lose your identity and fail to feed your own emotional, physical, spiritual, intellectual needs.
Putting baby pictures on Facebook is NOT the same thing as losing your identity or independence. LOL. Talking about your baby alot is not losing your independence, but sure annoys others, LOL, if you never let them talk.
You need to have a balanced life to be a good mother.
Definately, for the first while, your life should revolve around caring for your infant. It's up to you to ensure their survival. But you can still pursue your own interests and hobbies and friends.

[Susanna]

u don't "lose: identity, it gets re-defined, in a good way...u now have a "mini-me" that depends on you for love, food, shelter...that's a good thing :-) You are still you, but you are growing into so much more...independence at that point is defined as: yes you can still go do things u enjoy without baby as long as you have a trusted sitter until u return....when you chose to have a baby, you chose to be loving and caring for someone else other than urself...

[Ivy]

Being a parent is a permanent part of your life (barring the death of your child). So yes, it's a HUGE part of your identity. I don't think your life should "revolve" around your children though. You still need to have dates with your spouse, girl time with your friends, and do things you enjoy. Having a baby is a HUGE load of work and stress, but mothers need a break, too. If they put pictures up on FB and MS, it's because they love their kids and they're proud of them. In fact, my 43 year old mother just got a FaceBook account lol. And guess what-- there are pictures of my brother and me on her page.

But it does make me sad to see mothers who never do anything for themselves, who give up on their marriages, and who don't even brush their teeth or shower because they think every second of every day MUST revolve around their children. I wish they realized that their child will be fine taking a nap w/o the mother there... That her child won't "miss" her or have emotional scars if she takes 30 minutes to take a shower & shave her legs...


Cherry Limeaid-- I think you're talking about my SIL! lol. She's exactly like that to the point that she treats her kids like two little burdens on her fun.