Not getting along well with my mom, I need advice?

[Maddy;D]

Hi there, just to let you know this is a long story, but bear with me! I really need help!
Okay so I'm 16 and my parents are divorced. My mom and dad hate each other, and I stay with my mom. About three months ago, my mom met this guy through a very close family friend, and they started dating immediately. I used to live in a house with my mom and two brothers, and my mom would go over to this guys house all the time, and I would hardly ever see her. She was spending all of her time over there, and this obviously made me mad. At this point, they were only dating for 2 weeks and she was practically already living over there, leaving me home alone with my two brothers (they're older and in and out of the house a lot). So I spent a lot of my time alone. My mom and I used to be VERY close, and her not being around was so infuriating to me. She was choosing his guy that she's known for two weeks over me, and that really hurt. It got to the point to where she was officially living there, and she made me move in also. This was probably around two months into their relationship. I was somewhat happy, basically because I was able to see my mom a lot more and she was happy with this new relationship. However, asking me to move in with this guy after barely dating him for two months is A LOT to ask of your daughter (at least in my opinion). I like her new boyfriend, he's nice and he treats my mom well. I also trust the family friends whom my mom met him through, they wouldn't be close with someone that wasn't good news, so that's not the problem...
My mom has changed a lot ever since she was in this relationship. She is so much more strict with me and it's really annoying. I am a good kid, I don't do drugs, I've never been drunk before, I have straight A's, I run cross country, I have a job and I'm a passionate member of key club (community service clubs in high schools). And after I moved in, she is constantly checking my twitter and text messages. She is pushing me about my grades more than ever. She took away the car, that I bought for myself,I pay for the insurance and I've never asked for a penny of gas money, from me. She took it away because I got a D on a test in my English class ( I still had an over all A in this class). We've been fighting SO BADLY lately, and I'm so tired of it! Tonight we went out to dinner with some of my mom's friends, and I will admit that I willingly went, knowing I had homework, and after an hour and a half of being at dinner, I really needed to go home. I had a ton of homework to do, and I was already exhausted from a terribly long cross country practice, so we left early. On our way home she chewed me out the entire drive because I was being selfish and only thinking of myself. All I said to her when she was done was "mom, you don't understand" and she FLIPPED OUT at me. Saying I'm so disrespectful and that I am so selfish and inconsiderate of others. I probably shouldn't have gone to dinner, but I really don't think I'm that bad. I do all the chores she asks me to do around the house I don't want to live in with no questions or attitude, I get good grades while maintaining my extra curricula , I don't have a boyfriend or anything of the sort. I honestly just miss having a great relationship with my mom, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong that's making her dislike me so much lately. I've tried talking to her about the way I feel but we always just end up fighting. What do I do?! I need help! Thank you so much in advance! I appreciate your thoughts, time and input.

[Sublime Tangerine]

I didn't get along with my mom very well when we were living together. We're so much alike that it's hard for us to spend a lot of time together and not cross horns every now and then.

Sounds like you have a lot of negative feelings about this situation that you haven't been able to adequately express to your mom. Maybe you could try writing your feelings down in a letter and then giving it to her, so you can tell her how you're feeling without being interrupted or getting into an argument. Maybe you guys could write letters back and forth to one another for a little while so you can get a chance to let her know what's on your mind, and she has a chance to tell you how she feels too. Maybe once things have been smoothed out a bit, you can set aside one evening a week for time together with just the two of you watching a movie, or making dinner together or whatever. It might help you two to regain the type of relationship you seemed to have before all this happened. Good luck!

[Zach]

I'm only 14 and my dad and mom divorced when I was 5 (good choice) and I don't see my momm much because she is in nursing school now and I barely see her. She is always rude to me and is an ass and she can be nice. If I were u I would talk to ur moms boyfriend about it... I have a stepdad well kinda I have known him for 8 years... and he is really nice never yelled at me (well twice for me and my sister fighting a lot ) hope I helped

[Whitney]

Ugh ok hun. I'm a mother of two daughters a 9 year old and a 6 year old.
For one if at all possible you really need to have a one on one day with her go out to eat or shopping whatever floats both your boats. Tell her before hand to "Hey Mom I would like some one on one time with you whenever you get a chance." something like that ok. Second to be perfectly honest her being more striked on you is probably more to do with this new guy rather than you. It doesn't mean your a bad kid. Its more about her wanting to show this guy that you are a good kid and that she expects it out of you. I don't know for sure about the way she's going about it or totally agree ok but is the classic sign. She wants to show him she can be a good mom and is doing that by showing her striked side. Plus like I was saying she wants this guy to know you're a good kid. It's new and scary to her as well I know it'd hard but you both need to put each other in each other's shoes. She's in a new relationship just moved in with him its all very scary, emotional and she's probably over stressing herself to make sure everything goes "perfectly" but what she doesn't realize is in the long run she's hurting your relationship by doing this. Now I will say this you do need to respect your mother and do as she tells you by all means I'm not saying to disregard anything she tells you to do. At the same time on a day that she is calm and relaxed you need to kindly and softly talk to her about your relationship and how you want it to be stronger but at the same time let her know you respect her and her new relationship. This will make her feel better. You might even want to ask how its going show interest you might be surprised on her reaction when you show her you care about what she's going through and showing interest in her love life. In the future yes try to make sure your homework is done and do try to make better grades in school. If she just absolutely won't talk to you well be creative make her listen by writing a letter or texting her whatever it takes. In this aspect you might actually need to be the bigger person and try whatever works to get her attention then go from there. Your mother right now probably has alot on her mind and is blinded by this new guy. Love will do that to you and unfortunately she might not even truly realize just what is happening or how she sounds. You can't do anything though about the guy she's chosen you have to respect it no manner how soon or awkward she's your mother and all you can do is try to respect it and not get in the way or it could cause worse problems. Ones you don't need on top of this. Parents can be like teenagers sometimes when they are clouded in love and you don't want to be blamed for getting in the middle of their relationship so steer clear of that cliff. Just make this about the two of you and NOT him. She's made her choice nothing much you can do about that other than respect it. Last but not least if it just isn't working through all your trials and errors then I would seek counceling. Just the two of you. I know that's hard to do since you're a teenager but it would show your mother you care and there are ways even if you have to call set it up yourself and drive her there. Good Luck I hope this helped somewhat. I really hate to hear that a good mother daughter relationship is having this issue its horrible. I pray my daughters and I never have this issue but you never know.

[Tammy]

First off realize you're not at fault here for anything. Your mom is the one being selfish. Your mom needs time to sort things out with this new relationship, to me it sounds like she's jumping into it too quickly. I'm not judging your mother by any means, but I think your mom needs a reality check. That may sound bad, but your mom has to realize that you are a great kid and to cut you a little slack. As far as your mom pushing you aside for this new man. Hmmm...... sounds to me like she's going at this relationship a little too quickly. Question? Probably none of my business but did your mom get any councilling after her breakup with your dad?? I'm betting some of this is also caused from your mother wanting you as her daughter not to make the same mistakes she has made. In some ways it sounds like your mom thinks she may have failed at the previous relationship and now she's trying a bit too hard, to prove to her children and more to herself that she isn't a failure when it comes to life long compainionship. Would your mom ever consider councilling with you present?? It may help to talk about feelings you have in regards to her changed attitude. And it may also help for her to realize that she doesn't have to play the superhero, that it's okay that relationships fail and she doesn't have to prove anything to anyone. Instead of worrying about your mom having been apart from you in the first few weeks of the new relationship, (something that's already done and over with), don't hold resentment towards her. Why don't you try doing something nice for her, idk, maybe surprise her by cooking supper one night or something, and ask her if you can have a girls night with her or some girl time with her on the weekends. Life is too short, be supportive of each other. Mom, whether she realizes it or not, right now, still needs you in her life. She's just confused and trying to sort her life out. Be helpful, don't argue or flip out on her. Simply like I said ask her for girl time. You never know she may surprise you and say, that would be nice.