Should I come out to my mother in a Facebook message?

[me]

I feel like I am ready to do this. I have known that I was gay for 5 years now and I am tired of feeling like I should have to hide it from her. I feel like she would accept it because my uncle is also gay and she has been close to him her entire life. Should I do this? I am 17 too, if it matters.
I am very shy and I get too nervous to tell her in person so I feel typing it would be easier for me.

[Stephanie]

Noooooo not through Facebook!!!!!
If you want to tell her, I think you should tell ur uncle first so he can help u since he understands u more....he can also help u with asking ur mother but whatever u do, make sure you're the one who tells ur mom...don't say it through fb...good luck

[Deviston]

You can't. You'll just have to say it. I told my mom when I wasn't even READY yet. Big mistake. but I blurt it out and I sat there crying as she consoled me. You just need to let it out if you're ready.

[shallowshow918]

I'm the same way, I express my thoughts way better when it's not in person, in words, I can really describe how I feel, in person I'm shy and nervous.

But honestly, no, this is something that needs to be said in person. Talk to your uncle about it and ask for advice or if he will help you tell your mother, if your mother is close to him, she should be reasonably accepting of you.

Good luck.

[Phil]

It is my opinion in person is better. Here is a route that may help.


To come out safely, float trial balloons to test reactions. Coming out, may involve real

risks. Loss of support, housing, or worse. Anyone reading this is encourage to NOT

intentionally out someone. They know their family.

Most risk relates to religious intolerance.

This help keep me in the closet till safely out of college.

Could I have told them early? Maybe. However, it really didn't hurt me to keep it
hidden. Unless you have a long term partner that wants to get married soon, I do not see

any great need to take unwarranted risks.

Here is my suggested conversation:

1. I hear some parents refuse to come to their child's wedding if
they pick someone outside the faith. Would you refuse to come to my
wedding if I fell in love with a _____ (insert opposite sex) that wasn't
___________.

2. If NO. Wait 3 months and ask again. This will have given them time to think about it
more. Then ask, "What if they converted to become a _______? If again NO wait 6
more months. Ask, "Would you disown me if I fell in love with someone that wasn't
_______?" If YES then stop and wait till you are out of any risk. If No wait
6 more months and go to step 3.

3. If YES. Wait 2 days. Then ask,"If I fell in love with an atheist, that insisted
we marry before a judge, would that make a difference?"
Depending on answer proceed.

4. If your parents are fine with you marry outside your religion..wait 1 week
to 1 month. They will be thinking this whole time about it more. Ask "What if I fell in
love with someone much older, divorced with kids?" Or, "What if it no new kids were

possible..would that make a difference?

Each time you launch a trial balloon you are getting a little closer to what you really
want to talk about.

Don't rush this. Your parents have to have time to consider these questions and rethink
their positions.

You are potentially bursting their bubble. Most parents don't dream that their kids will
turn out LGBT. Parents sit around and mainly talk about their kids. Now they will have to
say something about you that may make them feel like they failed as good parents.
This may scare them more than your being LGBT.

I have heard at least one good report where a family service was involved to help explain
things to the parents. This may help prevent the typical reaction that you can some how be
cured.

Keep cautious. If you are in a high risk situation you should have fall back plans.
Identify relatives/friends that would likely take you in if there was an emergency.
I have heard in the USA an underage child cannot be simply kicked out of the house and
some recommend you go to the police. The police would sort out your parents. Other
fall back plans are crisis centers and national hot-lines. Even if you are not planning
on coming out in a high risk family have these at the ready in case you are accidentally
outed.

Note: If you are storing porn on your computer... have a friend down load a gig or
two of straight porn and keep it in an easy to find directory.