Talking to moms who gave up their kids?

[Love]

I'm debating adoption because I can't give my child everything it deserves. I love my child, but the father ditched and I am just barely making it on my own. I have next to no one and i don't want to put my child through hell for my stupidity. But I don't know what I'm doing so where could I talk to moms who have given their children up?

[Pip]

For the benefit of ?:

http://www.respectme.org.uk/Cyberbullyin…

The Protection from Harassment Act 1997
The Criminal Justice and Public Order Act 1994
The Malicious Communications Act 1998
The Communications Act 2003
Breach of the Peace (common law)
How these Acts can be related to bullying, and specifically to cyberbullying, is outlined below. If the bullying is based on sexual, racial or religious grounds, prosecution could be sought through anti-discriminatory laws.

Protection from Harassment Act 1997
This Act was passed following concerns that stalking was not dealt with effectively under the existing legislation. The Act does not refer solely to stalking but also covers harassment in a wider sense. The Act states that it is unlawful to cause harassment, alarm or distress by a course of conduct and states that ‘A person must not pursue a course of conduct, which:

amounts to harassment of another
he knows, or ought to know, amounts to harassment of the other.’
There is some anecdotal evidence that the police are more comfortable in bringing forward this law when dealing with issues of cyberbullying. The police have successfully used the Protection from Harassment Act to prosecute for the sending of offensive e-mails through the internet. Such messages will also constitute an offence under the Malicious Communications Act.

Criminal Justice and Public Order Act 1994
This Act defines a criminal offence of intentional harassment, which covers all forms, including sexual harassment. A person is guilty of an offence if, with intent to cause a person harassment, alarm or distress, he/she

uses threatening, abusive or insulting words or behaviour or disorderly behaviour; or
displays any writing, sign or other visible representation which is threatening, abusive or insulting, thereby causing that or another person harassment, alarm or distress.
Malicious Communications Act 1998/Telecommunications Act 1984
Under this Act it is an offence to send an indecent, offensive or threatening letter, electronic communication or other article to another person. Under section 43 of the Telecommunications Act 1984 it is a similar offence to send a telephone message which is indecent, offensive or threatening.

Both these offences are punishable with up to six months imprisonment and/or a fine.
The Malicious Communications offences are wider ranging, but under the Telecommunications offences, it is likely that the Police will use the former Act to bring a charge.

The Communications Act 2003
The Communications Act 2003 is by far the most recent Act to be passed. Section 127 states that a person is guilty of an offence if he/she

sends by means of a public electronic communications network a message or other matter that is grossly offensive or of an indecent, obscene or menacing character; or causes any such message or matter to be so
A person is guilty of an offence if, for the purpose of causing annoyance, inconvenience or needless anxiety to another by means of a public electronic communications network, a message that he/she knows to be false, causes such a message to be sent; or persistently makes use of a public electronic communications network

http://www.touchedbyadoption.org.uk

http://www.adoptionthreads.com

http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/firstmothers/ - this is a new group

http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/fmothers/

The father of your baby is responsible for paying child support and the best life your child can have is with you. Adoption doesn't guarantee a better life just different and your life wont always be the same it will improve.

I was coerced into surrendering, I suffer with severe depression because of my son being adopted, my son has major issues with being adopted /adoption in general, he suffers with depression so adoption destroyed two lives.

ETA The link given by ? which is on youtube - http://youtu.be/2YamO3zGEhI

[Mia]

My friends in foster care and gets tossed around to different foster homes like a hot potatoe

[?]

Not every birth mother who surrenders lives their lives to regret their decision to want a better life for the child. I have surrendered and I an assure you that I do not regret my decision even after 22 years because i know I made the right decision for me and the child.

What I will tell you though, there are many people on here who will lie to you about how adoption has ruined their's and the surrendered child's life and try to make you believe that they were coerced or bullied into surrendering. I would advise you to take what they say with a pinch of salt.

I found this clip that proved that people lie about having being coerced into surrendering..this clip makes no reference to being coerced or bullied...but I shall let you make up your own mind about that.

Don't believe everything that you read from posters in here. There are a lot of people in here that would want to coerce you into parenting when you know in your own heart that you are not in the right life position to parent.

Take a look for yourself..

.http://yourplace.touchedbyadoption.org.uk/video/view/2

[Manda]

Actually us mothers who "claim to have been coerced" Guess what? We really were. I'm not debating whether or not anyone else hasn't been. I'm a firm believer adoption CAN be a good thing, WITH REFORM. But to the original poster - yes, you will suffer depression, very possible PTSD. and it's a 50/50 shot on whether you get apar's that follow what they promise when setting up the adoption. MAKE SURE if you do this you get YOUR OWN attorney, YOUR OWN representation. Talk to FirstMoms, good stories, bad stories, all of it. INFORM YOURSELF. Listen to your own heart. Just know that this might very well be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There IS assistance out there to help you get on your feet, there ARE ways to raise this baby on your own. The heartache and pain I endured I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. But ultimately this is a choice you must make, and I wish you peace with it. If you have questions, I will try to be as unbiased and real as possible. There are women out there who have had positive experiences with adoption, there are also a lot with negative. EACH deserves to be heard.

[Ws Birthmom]

Your child/children was/were given to you by God. Your child/children knows/know only you since it's/their inception. No one said life was going to be easy, and the decisions you made to get 'here', are done. Now, either way you move forward, your life is going to be hard. No one said it was ever going to be 'easy'. Think about this, how many adults have you heard speak of the hard times that they lived through as a family. The love, admiration and respect that they have for their mothers who did what they had to do no matter how little they had, is something I will never hear my son say.
There is no guarantee that he will have a 'better' life. It will just be 'different'. Just because you place your child in what is a better situation at the current moment, does not mean he will not grow up with a single parent. Life happens, people divorce, people die, people struggle.
Your life can be hard, and you can be together with your children, or it can be hard and you can be apart. Trust me, I wish I would have had the strength and smarts to have reached out and spoken to someone who would have brought all of these scenarios to me, and who was living with the 'aftermath'. I was sold an 'open' adoption that really is only 'semi-open' and I am watching my child grow up through cell phone videos, cancelled visits that I have also forced my child that I am parenting to live with and throught. Without her sibling. After I had to convince her that I wasn't 'giving her away also'. Pure and utter heartbreak.

If you can live with all the positive and negative potential scenarios of adoption - then go ahead and place. If just one of them, for example an adoption that is 'open' and later 'closes', is something that you feel you wouldn't be able to live through, then you shouldn't place. Also, keep in mind that children who are adopted also have their original birth certificate sealed - meaning they can never have access to it, so if the adoptive parents 'close' the adoption. They will have to search for you with non-identifying information and potentially have to pay in order to find you....they also then, don't have access to any medical information that they may need as you age and develop health issues. There are many many stories of women who lost their children doing the right thing and giving the information to the agency that handled their loss, that never passed on the information. Think about that. If you are ok with this scenario for your child, then it's all good for you. No one ever brought this scenario to my attention.

Listen to your heart, don't give up, God gave the children to YOU. This is your test.
If your situation is 'permanent' and you see that you will always and forever be in this situation, then consider placing. But please, don't apply a permanent solution to a temporary situation.
Life is ever-changing, reach out for help, ASK, your children will never suffer from being separated from you.
I would be happy to attempt to help you find the resources you feel you are lacking.
Let me be clear, I have no benefit whether you choose to parent or place, but I can speak directly to the pain of losing a child to adoption when I didn't want to. It is pure hell on Earth.

Check out these FB pages:
This for truth from all sides of adoption - including the children who grow up to be adults:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Full-Disc...34?sk=info

and this one to assist with finding resources
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ws-Birthm...90?sk=info

and this one for multiple things to think about, has anyone told you everything you need to think about when placing your children and suggested reading material:
https://www.facebook.com/wsnaturalmom/notes

This one deals specifically with adoptive parent insecurity, these can kill any relationship after you've already given them your child:
http://www.princeton.edu/futureofchildre...ionid=3154

[Dilly]

@? - that link is to do with reunion so what's that got to do with anybody lying about being coerced.

Are there any support groups on your area?

If there are I suggest you go along and see how they can help you.

[Chelsey]

I cant speak for anyone else out there but i can tell you my story. First off adoption is an amazing thing. I already had one child one i became pregnant again and i decided adoption was the right choice for that child. It is one of the hardest things i have ever done and i still atruggle with the fact that i dont have my second child. But i have no regrets. My second daughter is with an amazing family and has three brothers and two amazong loving parents. I am fortunate enough to have an open adoption and get to see pictures i can evwn meet her if i so choose. And open adoptions are able to be enforced legally. It is a contract that both parties sign. And will stand in a court of law unless a judge determines that by having contact with the birth family the child will be in danger. Dont get me wrong the decision to place a child for adoption is extremely hard but it is the most selfless act you could do as a mother. To love the child enough to recognize that they woyld do better with another family. I hope that whatever choice yoy make you find peace in it