How do you just stop loving someone you originally wanted to marry?

[me]

Im confused. My idea of marriage and a relationship leading to marriage is one that consists of commitment as well as love. Is it just that I haven't found the right guy? I mean this is why our divorce rate is 50 % right now, right? the fact that people are looking for love over commitment sometimes?

And im not saying infidelity or something like that. Thats understandable. Im talking about small arguments, disagreements, and like little things pulling two people apart. Why is that? Shouldn't love and comittment take care of that?

[Rose]

Well, let me tell you it does not matter who you find you will always have those little annoyances. What matters is are they annoying enough that you cannot live with them? Marriage is work-do not be disallusioned by tv. Constantly having butterflies and roses is a joke and unrealistic. If you are looking for that do not get married. It will not work, you have to be committed to the understanding that there will be bumps. Don't get me wrong when I say bumps I mean small things, there are certainly things that are unacceptable and I think most people agree to what those things are. Look within yourself and ask are these small things really the problem or are you just realizing this is not going to work. Do not marry if you cannot truly say you want to spend forever together and don't want to be without the person. Best of luck.

[Captain S]

No. Infidelity aside, it usually happens something like this: two people unite as one...fairy tale ending is satisfied, and they run off to live happily ever after. The problem is, this is where the story begins, not ends. The "unity" is a philosophical intangible, it's real, but they still also remain very much two people. Two people who are still growing; two people whose perspectives are deepening and whose understanding of themselves and their wants out of life are continually expanding. At some point someone discovers that something they thought was perfect at age 18 doesn't quite suit their sensibilities at age 35. (Before you judge them too harshly for that oversight, ask yourself how happy you'd be anchored to things you thought were all the rage when you were 5. By now, you'd probably find it tedious and restrictive.) Now, add to this equation the blessing of children....they are wonderful, but they also turn a couple's focus away from each other in deference to the kids. Many couples never reconnect after this transition.
It doesn't necessarily take villains or bad people to fail at marriages....many fine people of good conscience do so everyday for a wide variety of very valid reasons. Before you judge them, however, try to determine how successful you'd be selecting something for yourself in your twenties that will still be good for you in your fifties. That's a tall order, and as divorce statistics suggest, most of us aren't that clever.

[Lila]

Marriage is a commitment you make to someone that you (hopefully) love enough to spend the rest of your life with.

How long you know a person can have a lot to do with a decision to make that commitment.

Often, people in the first throws of a relationship can confuse infatuation with feelings of love. Once the initial excitement wears off, then compatibility issues arise.

People start to learn about each other in more in depth ways - religion, philosophy, politics, ..... the list can be endless.

With luck, people can discover that a 'true love' really isn't before they say "I do".

But remember, even the most compatible people have arguments, but these shouldn't 'pull them apart' if they are truly committed to each other.

[No More]

One of the main changes in our lives that has taken place over the past 40 years or so has been the emergence of women as individuals. Depending on your age it might be completely foreign to you that there was ever a time where women did not go to college, learn a marketable, skill, or even have much of an opportunity to provide for themselves financially.

Traditional marriage fit well and harmoniously with the ways of the world. A man would provide for his family and a woman was expected to raise the family, and look after the needs of the household. In return there was mutual love and respect between a husband and wife for the important roles that each of them played in the balance of their life together. Marriages and bonds were forged not always because of the love shared but because of the realization that these people needed each other for their lives to work.

Skip ahead now are understand that in our world and in our time successive generations of girls have grown up with knowledge that they can achieve, strike out on their own, and enjoy the success and financial independence that has reduced men to an option rather than a prerequisite for happiness and security. On top of that it is increasingly difficult for a good man with a good job to take care of his family without some kind of income from a second job or his wife's willingness or desire to work outside of the home.

You don't think in the past that there we not affairs, abuses, and other marital disagreements? The reason for the higher divorce rates that we see now are not because there is a lack of the need for love or commitment... the higher divorce rate is result of women having options and no longer having to stay in bad marriages because they have no where else to go...

Women are more confident in their abilities and options and don't have to accept a life with an adulterous husband, a drunk husband, an abusive husband any longer... The flip side to these social changes is the unforeseen failure of many men to adjust to these changes and still strive to live up to their obligations... Simply put, men and women both bail on marriages today because we are not bound by the same dependence that we used to have on each other.

The world used to be dependent on personal communication and relationships... now the world communicates through Facebooks, Faxes, Emails, Twitters, and voicemail.... the handwritten note has been replaced by a Post It or a Hallmark card that plays a song instead of delivering heartfelt thoughts...

Social change and technology have widened the distance between the sexes...

Divorce is high because in 1950 women in a bad relationship had no where to go... and today they have options.