Would you convert to Ellenism?

[Jacob]

Would anyone consider converting to the religion I am currently founding? It is called Ellenism. We worship Ellen Degeneres. For our holy book, we will compile every Myspace update, Facebook status, Tweet, and any other electronic form of text that she has posted online throughout the last 8 years. Our holy day is Thursday, and we will honor it by turning gay/lesbian for that day. On March 19th each year, we will celebrate Ellenmas. We will celebrate by wearing vests and converse. We will also all be required to make her a trending topic on Twitter that day. We will not work that day, and we will devote the night of March 19 to singing self written songs about Ellen. We do have a belief in an afterlife. We believe that there is a version of Heaven and Hell. Our version of heaven is ruled by our mother, Ellen, and an angel, Michael Jackson, circa 1982. Hell will be ruled by an evil lord, named Nicki Minaj, who will be helped by three terrible sisters who act as her servants, the Kardashians. To get to heaven, you simply have to buy a life time membership to Converse Shoes, and interrupt people while they try to talk, and laugh at every joke that is not remotely funny. Is this a good idea? Would you follow it?

[GoodShepherd]

Sorry, but no, thanks. God is the perfect religion, so WHY would I want to follow any other?


"I am the good shepherd, and I know My own and My own know Me." -- John 10:14