Fun Writing Challenge: Euphemisms (+ some fun publishing euphemisms)?

[Joss]

The writing challenge is at the bottom.

I was thinking back to a Twitter hashtag (#publishingeuphemisms) from earlier this year where people in publishing (published authors, literary agents, editors) post what editors/agents say about author's work and what they *really* mean by those words. For example:

- “Ahead of its time” = It bombed.
- “An exciting new children’s author” = edited to within an inch of its life so no parents can possibly be offended.
- “There is such excitement in-house” = My assistant loved it.
- "This is too literary for our list” = it’s boring.
- "Sadly we are publishing a similar book to this next spring" = it too has a beginning, middle and end.
- "All our focus is on the paperback" = the hardback tanked.
- "The novel never quite reached the huge potential of its promise" = your pitch letter was better than the book.
- “You should join Twitter” = we are not spending a dime on your publicity.
- “This is too British for the American market” = I have no idea what this is about.
- “Just a couple of tiny changes needed” = I’m about to send you 27 pages of edits.
- “Meticulously crafted” = anal
- “Ambitious” = way out of your league.
- “Do you think we need the back story? = I hated the first twenty chapters.
- “In a way I think the back story IS the story” = I hated the last twenty chapters.
****

Okay, now for the challenge, especially if you're one of the people here who read the work writers post here. I'll give you some words that'll truly describe someone's work and now you have to use a Euphemism to describe it in a less harsh way. Replace *** with your own NICE euphemism for what you *really* mean (what i've provided). Eh, I hope this isn't too confusing, haha. hey, I did say it was a writing CHALLENGE!

1) *** = The characters are wooden mary sues
2) *** = Author obviously read the dictionary while writing the novel.
3) *** = Author is fond of describing every single detail.
4) *** = This is obviously a disguised memoir.
5) *** = Ending didn't live up to the hype of the beginning.
6) *** = A bad mish mash of Twilight, Hunger Games, and Harry Potter.


BQ: Which (real) publishing euphemism from above is your favorite?
-- I particularly like the "too literary for out list = boring."
@globalgirl - I've watched a lot of British comedies. hate them and don't get the 'humor'. But, saying it's too british doesn't necessarily mean it's a humor book. It could be a novel that's deeply entrenched in british culture and language, because that's something that would be hard for American's to 'get' since very little of anything british (culture-wise) is imported here in america. and when british entertainment is imported it's 'americanized' ie: remade with american actors and an americanized script so that it's nothing like the british version.
@Finesse - that's an interesting take on the BQ. I assumed by "children's" they meant books for younger kids, not teens. Nothing too offense that will make parents not buy the book. Books for teens can have darker and controversial topics that will offend some parents. Goes to show that you never know unless the person who's thinking it explains to you what they mean.

[Stephen J.]

1) The characters exhibit a fascinating sense of mystery and vagueness.
2) The author often gives lengthy definitions of difficult terms for less-experienced readers.
3) The author leaves nothing to the imagination; every feature is described in great detail.
4) The author is so connected to the story it almost seems as if it came from his own life.
5) The story has a very distinct structure, wherein the climax is nearer the beginning than the end. Very interesting choice.
6) This story is great for readers of the popular YA options of today, as it is a collaboration of all the things that make those books what they are.

BQ: I like "meticulously crafted".

[sensualgruv]

Flat Characters - or: 'your plot carries the story'
2) "It is going to be a hard sell' - 'Too flamboyant for most markets'
3) "It is a close read with everything so well thought out."
4) "It reads like a biography"
5) "The beginning was so exciting I didn't expect that twist at the end"
6) "There are several titles on our production line in that genre right now" or "I think it sounds too much like..."

I enjoyed 'Huge Potential of promise"

[Ghostwriter]

1) The characters could use more development
2) Don't use so many "school words"
3) Focus more on the action than the description
4) Less realism and more fiction
5) By the time I was finished I was already looking for a sequel!
6) It's very vampiric, with the right hint of wizardry

haha, some of these are lame, I know, but I tried to be creative.

BQ: This is too British for the American market. lol, I actually like a little Brit in my life. As long as I can understand the accent, the rest is cake to me. I'm a complete Anglophile and my own story is partially set in England, so I like to think I'm pretty familiar with their different sayings and such

[Mightyday418]

1) This is a brilliant addition for the Paranormal YA market ^_^ = The characters are wooden mary sues.

2) What a WIDE vocabulary you have! = Author obviously read the dictionary while writing the novel.

3) My, I didn't know the toaster was a shining leaf green and made by some Japanese company - thank you for telling me! = Author is fond of describing every single detail.

4) Supercilious = This is obviously a disguised memoir. (Funnily enough, when I first saw supercilious without realising its proper meaning, I thought it was a positive word because of the "super-" xD That'll confuse them!)

5) Any more? = Ending didn't live up to the hype of the beginning.

6) Is your work original? Yes, yes, everything you've come up with hasn't been done before = A bad mish mash of Twilight, Hunger Games, and Harry Potter.

Had a few giggles during it, so thank you

BQ: I like '- "Sadly we are publishing a similar book to this next spring" = it too has a beginning, middle and end.' XD

[Finesse]

I've honestly never given one of those fluffy, glittery, and all "buck up you!" answers, but I've laughed at enough.

1 It's refreshing to see characters who can undergo all that and always remain so poised
2 I can see it appealing to a high brow audience
3 There is a real strength to the flow of the narrative drive
4 Should make for some refreshingly wholesome fun
5 This could truly be a great novel, but it could use more planning before it reaches that masterpiece moment.
6 Different influences certainly have made it more complex.

BQ "An exciting new children’s author" Hahahaha two and two didn't really connect in my brain before, but now that I think about it, that totally makes sense. From now on that reads "What teens really need is a book that teaches them something".

[Gemi]

I'll use actual, real-life reviews in my answers.

1) ***Mainstream readers have a real treat ahead of them/ ...Firmly topping the best seller's list/ ...it's a series for hip, smart people, even those who don't read fantasy*** = The characters are wooden mary sues

2) ***More ambitious than most of his peers/ ...the effort has inspired a new directness and maturity in his work/ ...High fantasy doesn't get any better than this*** = Author obviously read the dictionary while writing the novel.

3) ***Richly imagined/ ...masterly crafted/ ...a thick and delicious book to curl up with/...one of the more rewarding examples of gigantism*** = Author is fond of describing every single detail.

4) ***Compulsively readable/ ...A once-in-a-generation work of fiction/ ...a rare blend of luminous prose and thought-provoking themes*** = This is obviously a disguised memoir.

5) ***Brace yourself for heart-stopping heights and plunging to screaming depths/ ...another splendid installment*** = Ending didn't live up to the hype of the beginning.

6) ***A writer who claims a huge, diverse readership/..master of inserting the "para" in normal/ ...Provides a banquet for fantasy lovers with large appetites/ ...Reminiscent of...*** = A bad mish mash of Twilight, Hunger Games, and Harry Potter.

BQ: “An exciting new children’s author” = edited to within an inch of its life so no parents can possibly be offended. Very apropos for such a politically correct society.

[globalgirl2]

Too British for American market: British humor is very dry and different than typical American humor (watch a British sitcom and you'll understnd) my guess is that it means "you were trying to be funny, but failed miserably"

1. The characters really hold true to their personality
2. Extensive vocabulary use
3. Intensely descriptive paragraphs
4. The work is very introspecitive
5. The ending needs another page or two to really "flesh it out"
6. Wide use of popular fantasy character archetypes


Personal Favorite: "It just needs a few tiny changes" that's pretty much what my mom said about all my school papers after she checked them over for me.