Should I make the first move?

[tinkerbella]

First off, I would like to ask that if you reply to this question that you not be rude, condescending or insensitive. While this is somewhat of a personal question, I think it would be best for an unbiased opinion (no one who knows either party involved).

My biological father has never believed me about being in college. According to him I have either “made it up” or I am “lying” about if I am still enrolled or not. This has been the battle since he found out I was even going to college in the first place, because of two things-

1.Child Support Payments – which he only “sometimes” pays, rarely ever on time either. And please note that the payments go towards things for my schooling IE: supplies, books, gas. College is expensive, both my mother and I are contributing to it as well. He has to continue to pay per court agreement and state law until I am of the age twenty-three.

2.Health Insurance- He has to keep me on his insurance per court agreement and state law until I am twenty-six (that law just recently changed, increasing the age from twenty-three). It does NOT cost him ANYTHING to have me on his insurance. I learned this both in my Medical Billing class, and I also called the insurance company and confirmed it with them as well.

Last August my mother and I were served, the summons stated that I had graduated from college and was no longer enrolled in any continuing education program and that all child support and health insurance be terminated immediately.

I called my father right after to ask him what the heck was going on… I couldn’t believe it. I had never graduated, in fact before I was set to graduate from a diploma program I was transferred into an associate’s degree program and had attended college throughout the entire summer semester as well. I tried explaining this to my father, in fact I had also provided him with letters from the school documenting that I was still attending and a full time student but he still didn’t believe me.
He then proceeded to taunt me, saying I had posted horrible things about him on facebook. Which that also WAS NOT true. But he kept at it anyway, so I told “fine you want me to post on facebook? I will” All I posted was that my own father was bringing me to court, saying that I was lying about being in college.

In turn my entire family on his side deleted me from their friends lists and then told my father to tell me that they no longer wished to have contact with me “until she grows up”
Anyway, we went to court and we won, and my father lawyer even quit on him mid meeting because my father was being ridiculous about everything even though it was cut and dry /proven he still wanted to take it before a judge and his lawyer was like well fine you do that, but I’m done.
So its been just over a year since all of that. And my father and I are on speaking terms now and seemed to have gotten on quite well. But he keeps inviting me to family parties, in which his whole side of the family will be there. I politely decline though and he says it really bothers him that I won’t come to the parties.

I have tried explaining to him that it’s too uncomfortable, and while I was wrong for posting one status message on facebook, I even apologized to him for posting the status message but I also told him that I really don’t think it warranted being disowned by his whole family. He always says though “that they just didn’t want to see me bash him/ their family on facebook” I could see it if I said he was this-that-and the other thing and awful names, but I didn’t. All I said was that he was taking me to court because he didn’t believe I was in college. And it was the truth, that’s what gets me the most, is it was the Gods honest truth.

Since this has all happened I have started seeing a guy, we’ve been together for going on about 8 months now (we knew each other for 4 yrs) and he keeps asking about when he will meet that side of the family. He knows what happened, and I really don’t want to subject him to them (they tend to make fun of heavy people), and I am still not ready to be around them, and this is where I need the opinion,

Would it be totally out of the question for me to want an apology from them? Or at least for them to make the first move? Every year I used to receive b-day/holiday cards from them and vice versa but they all stopped since the whole “disownment” (obviously). Would it mean that I am “giving-in” if I send them a holiday card?

Thoughts would be much appreciated. But again, please be kind, I don’t see how rude, condescending and insensitive posts help the matter at all.

Thank you,

-M
My story is 100% true. Why on earth would I ask if it wasn't? I wanted an unbiased opinion because asking my mom and my friends, they automatically want to defend/protect me from my biological father and his family.

[sheldonlinker]

If your story is true, then a good chunk of your family is nuts or dysfunctional. Perhaps the answer to when your BF will meet that part of the family is "never". I'd send a holiday card with a letter in it. Sometimes the "I still love you even if we can't get along" letter can do good for both the sender and the receiver. Unless, of course, you'd rather send an **** off letter.

[ADMIRAL]

Relax,tell the truth to every one.you need not to change,try to live your life fully.Admiral V K Singh

[sylvan22003]

I honestly believe you should try and bury the hatchet you are a smart and intelligent person it's no use fostering all that bad feelings and malice life is too short most important you and your dad have signed a peace threaty despite everything and put all in the past . after all blood is thicker than water so go ahead a send off those christmas cards at least you have made the first move, I wish you all the best