I feel like I am going to become depressed again...?

[Laugh]

Well in 2005 when I was in 8th grade all my friends decided to hate me and then in 2006 my grandpa died and I took it very hard and I am pretty sure it started my major depression. I was so depressed for a while I quit going to school and it was bad. I ended up going to a therapist once a week and I did not like her, basically all she did was make me feel worse by telling me my parents were going to get into trouble if I did not go to school and by basically telling me I had crappy parents. I quit going to her shortly after that. Well since then things have gotten MUCH better.

Well now in the past 2 weeks we have had 2 deaths in the family. Neither people who died were particularly close to me. But I already went to the one funeral and the other funeral is this week. I just feel like going to these funerals is starting up my depression again. The only other funeral Ive been to is my grandpas.

On top of that I am graduating this year. Yes I am super happy but I am also VERY sad about it. I know for a fact I will not see 99% of my HS friends again (including my crush). Don't even say oh just keep in contact or find them on myspace/facebook because its not that simple and either way things will never be the same. Everytime I think about graduation and how ill never see those people again I start to cry. I am not sure I am ready to be an "adult" and to grow up yet. I plan to just go to community college and get a job but I am afraid... Everything is going to be different and I am not sure I am ready for such a big change.

I don't know what to do. I just feel like crap. I try to talk to my dad about it and he just yells at me and ask me why I am upset and he just tells me how happy he was to get out of HS. I don't want to go to a theripist because its expensive (even with insurance) and I didn't like my experience last time.

I was prescribed zoloft for my anxiety but I am afraid to take it because its not approved for kids under 18 (I'm 17) and it is said it may increase suicidual thoughts in teens and young adults and I already have those thoughts and I don't want them to get worse or I don't want to do something totally stupid well on this medication. Also I do not want to depend on medication for the rest of my life if I do not have to. Again I have tired to talk to my dad about this and he just says its crap and that a medicine can't give you suicuidal thoughts...

I don't know any advice?? Thanks!!

[oruboris]

I wouldn't be in a hurry to get on the Zoloft: big pharma has convinced the medical world that all emotional problems are a matter of our brain chemistry, and it just isn't true.

Believe me: SSRIs can mess you up, big time. Been there, done that, won't ever do it again. Just like a bad program can screw up your computer, a bad medicine can leave you hopeless, angry and out of control. It doesn't 'give' you thoughts, it just messes with your emotions so you can't control your thoughts or actions very well. Suicide is a known, listed side effect of SSRIs in young people: even the drug companies admit this, so your dad needs to do some research before asking you to take the pills.

So what can you do instead? First, recognize that you have a lot going on, and deserve to feel a little bad about it: some of this is normal reaction to the bad stuff in your life. Don't become obsessed, though: worrying about losing high school friends while you are still with them will just cast a shadow on the rest of your senior year. You have to enjoy the moment while it lasts, and recognize that everyone has been through this. You'll keep the best of them [I'm still in touch with many, 30 years later] and you'll make new ones as life goes on-- it will be just fine.

Take care of yourself: sunshine, exercise, good nutrition including folic acid and omega 3. 5htp, Sam-E, and St. John's wort [900 mg.], if you like.

Don't over dramatize, there are healthier ways of getting the adrenaline we all crave. Don't worry about what can't be changed. Love yourself, be the kind of friend to yourself that you deserve: nurturing, honest, caring.