What do you do when you love two people?

[AirFireWater]

Ugh...I asked a question about this same situation a while ago and thought things were looking up but unfortunately, I feel I am back to where I started.

Let me catch you up to speed: My spouse and I have been best friends for almost 6 years, we have been married for a little over two years and we are expecting our first child. We have always had a lot of ups and downs with our relationship. His friends did not approve of us/me/him spending all our time together towards the beginning of our relationship. This caused us to start a relationship very cautious, showing no public affection, not being able to hang out with his friends together because they didn't like us together, and on top of that I was going through some medical issues as well as some major family problems. He was really my only friend in college that I could turn to for anything since my best friend moved after freshman year. We had also started dating right after I got out of another relationship that was pretty good, but my ex was back home and I was seeking the comfort of another. Of course I liked the new boyfriend, so it wasn't just for security, but it quickly became that way.

Throughout the years, whenever we were apart for the summers or long break, we would either breakup or I would seek affection of another (he knows about this) but the unfortunate thing is that it even happened once we were engaged and once recently while we are married. Never had sex with any one else but my husband, but I still have kissed and been somewhat intimate with 1 woman and 5 men throughout our relationship. Several of those were due to drinking but some were not.

The lack of public affection and always wary of other approval has really taken a toll on us and has really started to affect our relationship. I still love being with my husband and we have done some amazing things, have had a lot of great times together, but the spark just isn't there for me like it used to be. I have tried but the romance feels forced and awkward. If we are already experiencing signs of boredom in 2 years, what's it going to be like in 10?

A main part of why this is all weighing heavily on my mind is why I have I been unfaithful so many times? I'm sorry about it at the time but I think I am just trying to get him to push me away because I don't want to be the one that ends anything. However, the main reason for all of this is because I recently met someone that makes me feel like I haven't in years...and it's a woman. I have always outwardly identified as "straight" after trying to tell people that I was bi but they convinced me I was not. Anyway, this woman is amazing. We have held hands, cuddled, and kissed on the cheek but nothing more because of my past and because this is a very different situation. Every time I'm away from her I miss being around her and when I'm with her, it takes everything in my power not to be all over her, a feeling a don't get nearly as much with my husband. I met her at the end of June and we just clicked. It started out innocent, we hung out and texted occasionally but that was it. It didn't take long for me to start developing feelings for her. I think I felt those feelings right at the start but tried to suppress them for my marriage's sake. I finally told her how I felt in October and things have definitely changed between us since she really likes me as well. When i say things have changed, I mean she and I now don't know how to really act. Our relationship before was innocently flirty and playful but now it actually means something. I haven't pursued anything physical because of how much it would hurt my husband. I know he loves me more than anything and I still do love him, but I like I said, I just feel awkward and uninterested in our relationship. The tricky part about all of this is I was obviously not looking for anyone, it just kind of happened. And feelings like this don't just happen for no reason which is part of why I can't let myself get over her. There has to be a reason I have fallen so hard.

So what do I do? I have gone through some of the scenarios. Leave my husband with our unborn child and raise it with three parents, stay with my husband and try to get over this girl (this is what I am doing now but getting "over" her is nearly impossible, regardless of if I see her or not, I think about her constantly), or leave and be with no one until I figure this out? I know that it is possible to make the marriage work, but it's not fair to either of us if I'm not all in it, that would just be me leading him on.

[UKid.]

Choose one or neither. If you feel like you and your husband houkd be together, than do so and of you don't feel that attraction anymore, don't stay in it but it's untraditional to divorce.

[Good Life by Love]

didn't read it, just went off title.

See both but make no commitments.

Recommended to take it slow, take time to get to know the person. Try to keep things clean, less baggage. Let years of perfect relationship before marriage (if you want you can always be engaged and married after years has passed). You can always accept the marriage ring and just marry when you have a few years of solid peace and love engagement/relationship. Make sure only settle for your soul mate with peace and keep in mind there are many soul mates. Arguing is normal but is it good? no, so make sure it is 7 years no arguments. After 7 solid years of perfect marriage then a child if desired.

If things are minor I usually just wouldn't even give it a second thought. If it is major I just fix it the best way and that's it. Maybe this will be a good method for you guys. Always reinforce it with Love

Also I see premarital counseling working.Church usually has it for free. You can even attend after marriage. Make sure no medicines.

On another note: Try your best. Love like you never love before. This is the best way for love to come and start surrounding your life. May love be around you, through you and is you.

Love and the Good Life will come

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P.P.P.S. Majority of my answers are for the majority, there are many variables to consider always
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