Can anyone revise my essay? Its for admissions at ucf. Help with conclusion please.?

[Nathan]

Prompt: What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that will allow you to contribute to the UCF community?
“Nathan come here, I need help”, that is a phrase I hear almost every day from someone in my family. My parents come to me for help whether they need advice or something isn’t working. I always make sure they have it plugged in first because you would be surprised. My favorite time is when my big sister calls on me to help with her math assignments from her college math course. I always help her but I like to tease her about it. My mother will always call on me to help her use Google, my dad will ask me for help troubleshooting the internet, my little sister always needs help with some random thing, and my little brother apparently doesn’t know how to multiply. He is in ninth grade.
I don’t dislike helping everyone, in fact I enjoy it. I enjoy the feeling that I have helped someone better there lives or if I have just taken weight off their shoulders. When I was in ninth grade I heard a quote from a book we read in class, a quote that I live by today. “Whenever you feel like criticizing any one…just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.” I have had the advantage of growing up in a home with a steady income, enough to survive, but not enough to spoil me. Before I was born my father was just starting at his company making enough money and supporting mother and sister. When I was born there was an increase in cost of living. My sister had been spoiled when she was little and turned out bossy, rebellious, and didn’t live up to her potential. She blames my parents. I have never been spoiled, like I said when I was born the cost of living went up and what my father was using to pay for three people he now need to support three people and a baby. So I had grown up a tad and when I was around three my brother was born. My father got promoted and now made a lot more so my brother was spoiled and on top of that my big sister was old enough to baby sit sow my mom could get a job to. We were not wealthy but we had money to spare and my parents always bought them new toys so they would come to expect it in life. My siblings thought the world revolved around them. While my sister spent her time working at a job for money, I spent my time in a much more meaningful manner, volunteering at our church. I’m a very generous person without being a pushover and I know how to do hard work, but I also know my value.

[drip]

You should be asking your senior English teacher for help editing your essay, not strangers on Yahoo.

Honestly I would tell you to re write the whole thing.

[elbee]

I hate to say it, but this needs some work. In a college app essay they are looking to learn at least 5 or 6 things about you. This is your chance to sell yourself. Most of the body paragraph is irrelevant. Keep it simple. I like the quote thing at the start. Play on that. Use more and relate it to qualities you have that the school will find valuable. Something like

I hear the words of others ring in my head and it reminds me of who I am. "Nathan, can you work with that child over there?" Countless hours volunteering at our church has made me a more compassionate person. I really enjoy working with the kids that need help. It is very gratifying to give back. "Nathan, how come you make math look so easy" my sister asks me as I help her with her college math homework. The fact is, I really enjoy helping my sister, even though I tease her about it. Its all in good fun. Family is important to me - it gives me a great sense of security and belonging.

and keep going. in the paragraph above you get lost in talking about your sister and your dads job and the money thing. Keep this about YOU. End by saying something like "all these qualities i bring with me and I feel that i would be a valuable member of the UCF community"
Hope this helps.
Good luck. Its a daunting process, I know.

[æpəl tɹiz]

You should find an editing service in your area. It's very sloppy writing. It doesn't seem to make sense at certain times. You need to reduce your sentence length and add more full stops. Some of your sentences are too long.

You should also use formal language, rather than informal language. It's a university admissions essay, not a personal facebook message to a friend.

Edit: I should also add that helping your family at home might not count. Maybe you should talk about volunteering for the church. That seems more relevant to your essay.