How to not feel guilt for standing up for myself?

[Simone]

I have a friend who always insults me about many things. Ex: my crush, my dream job, my music, etc. So one day she insults me again on Facebook and I lost my temper and told her how I felt. Then she started posting statuses about me but not directly saying my name. I felt guilty after that. I'm not used to expressing my feelings.

Here's some background on me. I am not the type to express my feelings but this time I did. I am a very quiet and shy person, people say I'm sweet and I'm drama free. In the past during middle school, whenever a group of these "friends" started picking on me, I would just let them say crap and not say anything. I would go home crying to my mom about it so she told me that I need to stand up for myself. I did and made them cry and after that I felt guilty.

Now I'm In high school and I stand up for myself and it makes me feel bad. Please give me advice! I always feel like I did something wrong.

[hope]

i wouldnt feel guilty they started. they were mean to you first!

[Beatrix]

You need therapy, beut meanwhile you need to avoid anybody who diminishes you. You need to avoid any bully in order to allow your self-esteem to start healing. Emotional violence is akin to physical violence: every time the bully diminishes you, it's like they'd punched you in the face: you would not accept any "friend" who punches you in the face, so why do you accept a bully to insult you. The damage is actually much deeper when it's emotional abuse.

[?]

You feel guilty because you don't feel deserving. What makes you undeserving? You probably believe that you're not worth it, that you don't need to stand up for yourself because everything they say is probably true, that you're friend is right about your music, your crush, and your dream job.

I've got big news for you:
1. You are deserving. Period.
2. Your friend is a bltch. Big time. She is NOT a friend, she is a person who is using you and crushing your spirit because she feels so low about herself.
3. Again, you are deserving. You are deserving of good things. I want you to stand up, look at yourself in the mirror, and repeat this mantra "I love and approve of myself. I am safe. I am deserving of all good things life has coming my way." You can even hug yourself when you do it. I am so not kidding. Repeat this over and over, for a few minutes, every morning and night for two weeks straight (and even during the day randomly if you want), and let me know if it doesn't impact your life. However, you have to be sincere when you tell yourself these things. You have to take yourself seriously and treat yourself with love.

That's a quick answer for you, but it takes hard work. I HIGHLY recommend a book that has a chapter SPECIFICALLY on "Liberation from Guilt." This will help you raise your self-esteem and self-awareness, and will help you realize that you're completely entitled AND deserving to feel whatever way you feel. The book is "How to Raise Your Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden. It's one of the best books I've ever read and I consistently recommend it to my clients.

Best of luck with everything. You create your own life - choose people who treat you the way you want and deserve to be treated.

[Innes]

feel guilt but still stand up for yourself and the more you do it the more natural it will feel until your bench mark changes to normal.