Break up after four years?

[king]

It hurts me so much to even type and I can barely see the keyboard with my tears but I was with a guy for four years from when I was 16 till now, when I'm 20. He was my first love, but it just won't work. I'm not going to lie and say we had the best relationship and that I don't know why it was over, because me and him clearly knew that his priorities were changing and I wasn't one of his priorities. He told me I was a burden and wanted to focus on school work and enjoy time with his friends.I realized that his constant ways of making me feel like i wasn't worth his time or that I was stopping him from living his life was taking a toll on me and that there are better men out there. While he told me what I could and couldn't wear, deleted my facebook, tumblr, and any other form of social media and called me degrading names for walking through a door that a guy kindly opened for me, he was out living his life, drinking with his friends, talking to girls, etc. I couldn't deal with it anymore. He was my everything meanwhile I was just a piece of *** to him. He'd want me when he needed to be satisfied physically. This boy has broken my heart, torn it out and stepped on it. He used to lie about where he went and what he was doing, and controlled me. He would manipulate every argument in his favor and end up calling me a sl*t or a wh*re even for small things such as a guy holding the door open for me and I walked through it. He would tell me what to wear and didn't allow me to go out with my friends. Last year I caught him hanging out with his ex gf behind my back and I broke up with him, three months later he came begging for me back saying he'll promise he will change, Clearly it was a lie because I'm here broken hearted as ever.We've had on and offs so this isn't my first time dealing with breaking up with him, but I always knew we'd get back together. This time it feels real though, like neither of us have the energy to argue and put up with eachother like we used to. It hurt to know this. I feel broken, empty, helpless. All of My friends have moved away to go to college so I have no one to call my own. The college I go to is next to impossible to make friends in because no one is friendly. I'm so afraid of this heartbreak, I know I'll move on eventually but the process of it is killing me. The thought of him not even caring and being out partying right now while I'm sitting at home having no life and crying over him depresses me so much.I see my cousins, and the few friends that I have left and notice how happy they are with their relationships. Their boyfriends care about what they have to say, and have excellent communication where as I was afraid to say anything to my boyfriend for it would have started a fire. I was tired of living such a restrained life, so on tuesday we broke up. He told me I wanted to break up because I want other men's pen*s inside me. He relates everything back to sex. He doesn't understand that he didn't respect me as a person, or make me feel as if he was happy that I was in his life. I think about the lonesome days ahead of me and I don't know of I can do it. Please help me.

[Anyssa]

Get a new guy

[StarGazing]

I'm so sorry to hear all this, but you will heal over time and realize that you were probably more lonely with him then you are now. Try not to think about him, but of the amazing guy you will on day meet! It sounds like your bf didn't respect you in any way, and you should be proud of the decision that you have made. Maybe you should take up a hobby like reading or writing while your at the college if no-one is friendly, and distract yourself from what's happened over the past 4 years. Please stop crying, because if he treated you like that he doesn't deserve your tears. Stay strong, and be proud of the person you are, and the decisions that you made. Things will only get better now that you are free to live your own life, grow into a beautiful person, and move on

[carmen]

Your ex has seirous issues...you are a zillion times better off by yourself. It's no wonder you haven't been able to make friends at college, he's made you feel worthless.

You have to know your relationship wasn't normal or healthy...that you are still young and have every chance to find people who are better for you.

Even though I'm sure you know this relationship is better off dead and buried....you hurt this much because it's a grieving process, your life is changed forever. But the good news is that it's already changed for the better.

In about 24 hours, I suggest you peel yourself off the floor, bed or wherever you are...fix your face and make a list of all the things you'd like to accomplish the next 5 years.