Should I try to save the friendship or move on? If I move on, how? (semi-long question)?

[Numb]

Background: When we first met, I got along great with my good guy friend of 4+ years. Then I found out he had a girlfriend. I was disappointed but thought I could gain a new friend at least. Then he started hinting at feelings for me – it didn’t feel right so I kept my distance. Didn’t see or talk to him for a year or so but ran into him again when I was moving into my dorm. We talked occasionally and played computer games.

Some time has passed and we’ve kept in touch over email. My friend has been single for a while and moved to the other side of the country. He suddenly sends me a message saying he woke up thinking of me and wanted to smell my hair. Being buddies, that really caught me off guard. I didn’t know what to reply so I said something along the lines of “haha I’ll take that as a compliment?” Then he got angry at me and said I hurt his feelings again by laughing at him?! He got cold and distant so to save the friendship, we talked over things and I admitted I kind of liked him off and on before.

He asked me what reasons I had for not saying anything the previous years. I thought it was obvious, since he was in a relationship. Then he guilt-tripped me and said I should’ve acted on my feelings and we could be together right now. He did not think cheating was cheating. And if it was for ‘love’ or the right reasons it’s not wrong. I just don’t get how someone can’t understand cheating is wrong. It's not a nice thing.

Then the next couple of days he says he has always liked me, thinks I’m gorgeous, and needs to have virtual hugs/emotes/chats with me every day more than once (personally I don’t find much meaning in virtual hugs). I work a lot and have things to do in life. I can’t be on Facebook all the time. I didn’t respond enough to his liking, so he got distant again and stopped talking to me altogether.

To make matters more bizarre, he has complained that he’s lonely and doesn’t have a lot of friends. He lives in a small town and recently he has been spending a lot of time/going to dinner, etc with a 14 year old (kind of physically mature for her age). They post/like things on FB, etc…it’s a weird vibe. He’s 26.

So this friendship is stuck at an awkward place. Should I try to save it or move on? I’m tired of unnecessary ups and downs. Friendship should be balanced and fun, not draining.

[Matt]

I mean you have the right to make your own choice, and everyone should respect that, but he sounds possessive and odd. Personally, I wouldn't keep any contact going even though you had a history.

[Karla]

I say, if he's always been a really good friend, just say that you're not wanting t go into that stuff with him. If he's a friend he'll understand and take in your emotions. You'll get past it. Tell him that, and see his reaction. If he gets mad and stops talking to you, he wasn't that good a friend in the first place. It's just from my POV, but he seems kinda bad to me.

[Margarita]

First, let me say this, friendships are not always going to be "balanced and fun." Sometimes people go through things and reach out to old friends because of the familiarity, etc. He is reaching out to you because he doesn't have many friends.

And since you claim you are his friend, sometimes the best thing to do for a friend is to let them vent. Suggest he try to join local activity clubs, or similar likes, (for example: meet-ups is a good place to start). For heavens sake, don't refer him to Craigslist!

Now, there is also such a thing as an "emotional vampire". Check out the following link.
http://www.mydaily.com/2011/01/26/emotio...l-freedom/


BTW, suggest to your friend to be VERY careful with the 14 year old. That is a minor! And no amount of justification will ever erase the fact the 14 year old is a minor!!! period.

[Robert]

Sorry dear, but I feel you should move on, he had a grilfriend, but doesn't think it's cheating if its right lol
And him going out to dinner with a 14 yo, him 26 wow, guess he dont believe in rape either lol