Can my boyfriend take my baby?

[Allison]

I am 19 and 11 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend wants me to give it up for adoption but if I don't he said he will take my baby from me. His whole family is full of lawyers and I don't have enough money for a lawyer. He says that I am an unfit mother even though I don't drink, smoke, and I have a job. I don't have a car yet but I hope I can have one before the baby is born. Is there any way he can actually legally get the baby from me. He is still in high school and has no job. He is very intimidating and it scares me that he will actually win and take my baby from me.
Help please!

[Heather]

No he can't take your baby. As long as you are a fit mom then he can't take your baby however he can fight for shared custody then he will be able to have him occasionally.

[pickletickle]

No, he can't. Talk to him. If he has no job and is still in highschool (underage??) then he's probably scared as cheetos. He's scared of the extra responsibility, otherwise he would step up. I don't even think this boy is worth your time. He can't do anything until he proves that he's the father, and even then if he can't prove that you're a HORRIBLE mom, he can't take away your child, much less put it up for adoption. He's an idiot, and he's scared.

[Ranchmom1]

He sounds like an emotionally abusive person. I am really sorry he is like this.

No, he has no legal leg to stand on. It doesn't matter if his family has 100 lawyers, it is still a judge who determines custody, and if you cannot afford a lawyer you can contact legal aide. They are wonderful and specialize in helping low income people.

I'm guessing, BTW, that he doesn't actually intend to fight you for custody, he is just trying to intimidate you into giving away your child. I have several friends whose (emotionally abusive) ex-husbands made the same sorts of threats when they got divorced. All abusers use the same play book i.e. they make the same sorts of threats. He will almost certainly not follow through.

Keep your distance from him as best you can. It might even be best to forgo child support just to keep him out of your life as much as possible.

Wishing you, and your baby, well.

[justme]

no, not unless there is good reason that you are unfit, and its proven,

[JeWeL]

Unless he's somehow legally identified as the father--which means either you put him on the birth certificate or he demands a paternity test--it's unlikely that he'll accomplish much. And even if he's identified legally as the father, he's still not going to be able to do much beyond force shared custody unless some real threat to the kid can be identified. It sounds like he's trying to bully you--how long has he been a controlling a-hole, anyway?

His family may be full of lawyers, but are his parents so desperate for a grandchild that they'll waste time and effort wrestling a kid away from you to give to a high-school kid without a job? Again, this is a scare tactic. What you need to do is be proactive. Free legal advice is available--start getting some now, and get stuff in writing. Keep copies, and when your boyfriend (hopefully soon your ex-boyfriend) starts making threats, get those in writing too. Do your homework, keep calm, and don't let him scare you into doing something you don't want to do.

[fee]

No way!! That baby needs his or her mummy now and always. He is allowed to see the baby and stuff but most deffenitly can't take him it her away. The poor baby that's so sad. As long as you don't do drugs, drink smoke etc then that's great.

If you breastfeed that's even better and even more reason they can't take bub. Hope it all goes well for you. I'd report him now!

[fee]

No, he's just trying to scare you. He'd have to prove you unfit before he could take the baby. If he is making these threats and trying to get you to give the baby up through text, email, twitter, etc make sure you save those messages. They could be held against him if he tried anything.