How to get over a heartbreak after 4 years?

[king]

It hurts me so much to even type and I can barely see the keyboard with my tears but I was with a guy for four years from when I was 16 till now, when I'm 20. He was my first love, but it just won't work. I'm not going to lie and say we had the best relationship and that I don't know why it was over, because me and him clearly knew that his priorities were changing and I wasn't one of his priorities. He told me I was a burden and wanted to focus on school work and enjoy time with his friends.I realized that his constant ways of making me feel like i wasn't worth his time or that I was stopping him from living his life was taking a toll on me and that there are better men out there. While he told me what I could and couldn't wear, deleted my facebook, tumblr, and any other form of social media and called me degrading names for walking through a door that a guy kindly opened for me, he was out living his life, drinking with his friends, talking to girls, etc. I couldn't deal with it anymore. He was my everything meanwhile I was just a piece of *** to him. He'd want me when he needed to be satisfied physically. This boy has broken my heart, torn it out and stepped on it. He used to lie about where he went and what he was doing, and controlled me. He would manipulate every argument in his favor and end up calling me a sl*t or a wh*re even for small things such as a guy holding the door open for me and I walked through it. He would tell me what to wear and didn't allow me to go out with my friends. Last year I caught him hanging out with his ex gf behind my back and I broke up with him, three months later he came begging for me back saying he'll promise he will change, Clearly it was a lie because I'm here broken hearted as ever.We've had on and offs so this isn't my first time dealing with breaking up with him, but I always knew we'd get back together. This time it feels real though, like neither of us have the energy to argue and put up with eachother like we used to. It hurt to know this. I feel broken, empty, helpless. All of My friends have moved away to go to college so I have no one to call my own. The college I go to is next to impossible to make friends in because no one is friendly. I'm so afraid of this heartbreak, I know I'll move on eventually but the process of it is killing me. The thought of him not even caring and being out partying right now while I'm sitting at home having no life and crying over him depresses me so much.I see my cousins, and the few friends that I have left and notice how happy they are with their relationships. Their boyfriends care about what they have to say, and have excellent communication where as I was afraid to say anything to my boyfriend for it would have started a fire. I was tired of living such a restrained life, so on tuesday we broke up. He told me I wanted to break up because I want other men's pen*s inside me. He relates everything back to sex. He doesn't understand that he didn't respect me as a person, or make me feel as if he was happy that I was in his life. I think about the lonesome days ahead of me and I don't know of I can do it. Please help me.

[Frustrated]

I'm so sorry, but from what it sounds like, this guy would have ended up abusing you more and more in the future. Every girl deserves a guy that cherishes her. It's not all about romance but for genuinely caring for the other person's well being. He doesnt seem like he did that but you did. You deserve another man. There are a lot out there it will just take time. Heal by keeping busy and spending time with girl friends. If you don't have any, do your best to go out and make some. Go to church. Pray. Use this time to get to know yourself and love yourself again because this guy obviously affected your self esteem or you wouldnt be on yahoo answers. God loves you sweetie just ask him for help and to show you the way to his blessing for you. Best of luck

[shawn]

wow you sound like a great women, i know exactly where your coming from, i am married, i was in a accident in 2007 that broke both my legs from the knees down. my gf at the time stood by me through thick and thin, about 2 months ago she basically told me she needed space and that she felt un accomplished in life. She proceeded to basically throw me and our daughter under the bus, working more than 15 hours a day. i don't ask her where her money goes or what she is doing i respect the fact if she cant tell me what shes doing then we have a problem, She said she needed to be social to feel accepted for which i had to laugh at because for someone to need that type of stimulus needs help, or isn't done growing up yet, which seems to be the problem with your bf, hes young and feels his life would be better with his friends. Give it some time and move on, someone will be there to respect you for you.

[voicelessbubble173]

This too shall pass dear. Keep trying to make friends by getting involved with groups etc... There is someone who will treat you well in your future. It may seem like it takes forever to happen but be patient. Enjoy your single life while you are in it. Work on yourself in all ways including loving yourself - the farther along you are the better the partner will be when he comes along...

Suggestion: ake a list of what you want in a relationship. What kind of personal qualities does your partner have? How do you want to be treated like:

Gentleness physically and emotionally
Social or not introverted
Generous
Patient
Clean (in all ways!)
Helps with Home Care
Good with Children
Faithful
Keeps self healthy
Wise with money/resources
etc