Abusive relationship and heartbreak?

[king]

It hurts me so much to even type and I can barely see the keyboard with my tears but I was with a guy for four years from when I was 16 till now, when I'm 20. He was my first love, but it just won't work. I'm not going to lie and say we had the best relationship and that I don't know why it was over, because me and him clearly knew that his priorities were changing and I wasn't one of his priorities. He told me I was a burden and wanted to focus on school work and enjoy time with his friends.I realized that his constant ways of making me feel like i wasn't worth his time or that I was stopping him from living his life was taking a toll on me and that there are better men out there. While he told me what I could and couldn't wear, deleted my facebook, tumblr, and any other form of social media and called me degrading names for walking through a door that a guy kindly opened for me, he was out living his life, drinking with his friends, talking to girls, etc. I couldn't deal with it anymore. He was my everything meanwhile I was just a piece of *** to him. He'd want me when he needed to be satisfied physically. This boy has broken my heart, torn it out and stepped on it. He used to lie about where he went and what he was doing, and controlled me. He would manipulate every argument in his favor and end up calling me a sl*t or a wh*re even for small things such as a guy holding the door open for me and I walked through it. He would tell me what to wear and didn't allow me to go out with my friends. Last year I caught him hanging out with his ex gf behind my back and I broke up with him, three months later he came begging for me back saying he'll promise he will change, Clearly it was a lie because I'm here broken hearted as ever.We've had on and offs so this isn't my first time dealing with breaking up with him, but I always knew we'd get back together. This time it feels real though, like neither of us have the energy to argue and put up with eachother like we used to. It hurt to know this. I feel broken, empty, helpless. All of My friends have moved away to go to college so I have no one to call my own. The college I go to is next to impossible to make friends in because no one is friendly. I'm so afraid of this heartbreak, I know I'll move on eventually but the process of it is killing me. The thought of him not even caring and being out partying right now while I'm sitting at home having no life and crying over him depresses me so much.I see my cousins, and the few friends that I have left and notice how happy they are with their relationships. Their boyfriends care about what they have to say, and have excellent communication where as I was afraid to say anything to my boyfriend for it would have started a fire. I was tired of living such a restrained life, so on tuesday we broke up. He told me I wanted to break up because I want other men's pen*s inside me. He relates everything back to sex. He doesn't understand that he didn't respect me as a person, or make me feel as if he was happy that I was in his life. I think about the lonesome days ahead of me and I don't know of I can do it. Please help me.

[echo]

Men know that girls like being treated like crap. They know that if they leave a big enough scar on your heart that you'll keep coming back for more. A man will only treat you as bad as you let him. It happens to all of us at one point. But a man also knows that a woman would never put up with his crap. A woman demands respect. A woman knows that she deserves to be treated the right way and wont settle for less. A woman will be gone in a flash if a man puts his hands on her. That's the difference between being a woman and being a girl. And once you realize that, you wont have to go through this again with any man, because you'll be gone the minute he starts disrespecting you.

[thegirlnextdoor]

On a scale from 1 to 10, you are a hundred in being stupid. Why the hell did you stay with him all this time? And who the hell does he think he is to control you like that?!!! From the beginning you shouldn't have even started something with him! Screw him, live the happy life now, go out and party too! You've lost too many years trying to satisfy your ass of a bf, get up, take a deep breath, smile, and move the fuck on!

[Trixielolo77]

I know if feels like a strong punch to the heart but you must look back at the path you chose to walk down, the path you allowed yourself to walk down. Is this guy a loser, yes he is indeed but his time will come where he is left vulnerable with a broken heart and a shattered spirit. You need to understand that his control was not love, he sounds rather piss poor morally. You accepting his behavior didn't guide him in the right direction either. Its shocking to me, which leaves me questioning why, what has happened in your life that made you feel as though you deserved such a shameful and low class type of man! Never put up with anything less than being treated like a Queen! I truly feel for you my dear. I understand where you're at emotionally and it's exhausting and heartbreaking but of course you can get through it. The saying is, to move a mountain you must start by carrying away smalls stones. One step at a time, one day at a time, the pain and lonely feelings will wither away. Just focus on the positives in your life without pushing them away to sulk. Things could have been much worse but you're safe and you will be able to rise above. Be a strong woman and just take this as a lesson learned. You know now what red flags to keep an eye out for. Be very thankful this guy is out of your life. If you don't give a man boundaries or demand respect by action, they will treat you any way they choose! You must have boundaries and there must be consequences to ones actions. Get to know yourself better before you jump into a relationship with anyone else. Be single for a few years to strengthen your inner core and cleanse yourself of every ounce of negativity he brought into your life.

I wish you well