A question for Adult "children" of divorce?

[Blah blah Blah]

I've recently realised that the divorce of my parents a few years ago (when I was 20yrs old) has had a profound affect on my life. For example, I am now nolonger in touch with any of my friends from school, college or university. I guess in the separation of my family I have cut ties. (Perhaps I didnt wish to share my situation/feelings with them) My few friends are at work but even they are more acquaintances than actual friends. I havent had a r/ship since my parents separation. I never socialise. I have a hobby than I am totally engrossed in. I find it difficult to make friends, everyone tend to be happy with their crowd and do not 'need' to make an effort with a new friend. What adds to my loneliness is the fact I have no siblings. I spend most time socialising with my parents separately. I have become closer to them and they are now my best friends.

So what affect if any has your parents divorce/separation had on your life?

This question is only for people whos parents split whilst their were an adult. Its a bit different if they split when you are a child.

Thanks
I was once very sociable as a teen even as far as university.
I have come away completely from social networking sites such as Facebook. Apart from the shallowness of people posting 100 'facebook photos' of themselves which all look the same or involve a pose lol, the site makes me feel so incredibly lonely
Jade M- I do not BLAME my parents separation for my situation. But for some reason I have allowed or even created the life I have now. I shut people out for a long time, and now I wish to turn that around but finding it hard to build new friendships/ rships
Olly- Thanks for your answer, your not a looser at all and Im glad if my post helped you in any way
I moved in with my mum after completing university. I always feel guilty about my dad living on his own and any future old dreams I had of one day moving to france make me feel like I would be abandoning them. My mother; completely, and who would brighten up my dad's week without our weekend catchups

[AmBeautiful]

It made me sad at first to think of my dad living alone after the divorce. My mom cheated on him for years. I am glad now, it has been 15 years since the breakup. My dad is much more happy with his single life and more money in his pocket.

Now I feel sorry for my mom because she squandered her life awy on random guys and now she is alone in her 60's.
It isn't so bad, the holidays are weird, going to two different homes.


Watch and pray.

[Jade M]

My parents divorced when I was an adult; it does affect your life, but not to the degree that you are talking of. You cannot blame your parents divorce for the fact that you lost contact with your old friends. You are lonely because you choose to do nothing about your feelings. You are an adult. Your parents are not responsible for your happiness, you are.

[Olly]

It's had a terrible affect on my life, my mum and dad split up 2 years ago when I was 12, now 14, and back then I understood what was going on, but I wasn't 100% Sure, I knew what was going on as my best friend's parents had split up the year before so me and him became like brothers as he didn't want to speak to his parents, he spoke to me. So ever since his parents got divorced, I have matured a lot more, yet still find it hard.

I am in a similar position to you, I am choose to stay in the house all day with my hobbies, my Computer and PlayStation 3, and don't get out much, needless to say in some aspect it has helped me as I have developed my computer skills dramatically and I wish to have a career in ICT when I am older, I play golf with my dad on occasions and we also share a football passion, so we talk about football and I have a good time with my Dad, I also see my Dad as more of a friend, my mum too, as I live with my Mum. I generally don't want to hang out with friends, as I prefer staying in the house, and yes I have to admit, I have become a computer / Gaming Console nerd, I don't deny that.

Looking at the "Additional Details" you just posted I agree with you, I use facebook once a day to check whether I have any "notifications", which I don't usually, but there are 100's of other girls and boys posting pictures and I agree it makes me feel lonely and worthless.

To prove how un-sociable I am I am currently in my 6 weeks off school holiday (Vacation) and all I find myself doing is playing on my PlayStation 3, Computer or Watching T.V / News. My mum and dad's divorce has aged me loads as I used to think the news was "boring or lame" but now I find it interesting and am interested in local news as well as Science news.

I am glad you posted this question as it has allowed me to get this off my chest, and I would like to say Thank You. People reading this may think I am a "Pathetic Looser", and yes, I guess I am.

I know I got carried away and didn't really answer your question, sorry.

[matt m-h]

My parents separated when I was only 5 years old. Usually the courts give the mother custody buy in my case I went to stay with my father. This was because at the time my mother had filed for bankruptcy (for the second time) and my father had the money to afford a lawyer and his family had the reputation of being very well-known in the community. So I went to live with my dad in Connecticut while my mom and older sister - who has a different father than me - stayed in Indiana.

Living with my dad from age 5 onward was tough. He abused me, physically and emotionally. He made me believe that I was not even a human being. That I did not deserve to have any friends at all. That I was not allowed to have my own thoughts or opinions. And that all I had to do was work and have a job/career in order to be "happy" and "successful" - or at least what he considered to be happy and successful. He would also physically hurt me whenever I got into trouble at school or when I did something that he deemed to be "wrong".

I also was/am disabled and he thought I was mentally retarded, so he would always introduce me to people as "My retarded son". I grew up thinking that all of this was true and I never had any friends or anything because always believed that my father was right and that he loved me. I was basically the town pariah and the laughing stock of my school.

When I was 20, I got arrested and had to go to court to face the charges. The courts ordered I go to therapy and I had to see six different therapists over the course of one year (which is how long it took for my case to be resolved). They all were appalled at the way my father treated me and they tried their hardest to undo all the mental and emotional damage that he had done to me. My mother also traveled to Connecticut from Indiana to speak on my behalf to the court and tell them how my father treated me and how he - as she described it - "brainwashed" me into thinking like him. When my case ended, I only got a misdemeanor put on my record instead of anything bigger.

Since then, my dad has remarried a European woman with three adult daughters and he spends almost half of the year in Europe with his wife visiting his new daughters. When he is in America and back home, he spends about $1300 a month to send them all really big care-packages. He has basically cut all ties to me and only calls me when he has something negative to say.