Been thinking about ending my life.?

[squarestage552]

I been contemplating suicide these last few weeks.

I have severe anxiety and is dealing with some depression, I'm a 19 yo girl and I have no life, no friends, no boyfriend, no nothing, I am planned to go away to school in Boston in January. I tried dating this guy who I knew since elementary but when we got back in contact I never made an effort to go see him and I would always avoid him because I was unsure he seemed like a good guy who liked me but due to my anxiety I never saw him and he was tired of not being able to see me after talking and texting for 4 years and so he moved on I guess, lately he's been a real asshole and he's be insulting me a little by calling me a liar on twitter and it got to me and made me feel really bad about myself, then on the other hand my family is toxic and makes me feel low and less than a human being and I just get so anxious sometimes and want to die, I feel alone, I feel everybody's against me, I feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone to love me outside my family, I'm starting to lose sight of my purpose of living, although I'm moving to boston in January, people are criticizing and saying that I can't do it and that I'm not going to be able to handle it and their opinions bother me and affect me, along with everything else and I really want to go to boston so maybe it help my depression. I want a normal life, I want a husband, I want friends and I want career but I honestly don't see myself with those things. I see people I know thats my age and they're doing so much better than I am, they are so ahead of me and it hurts because I want a life so bad, and also when I was growing up my siblings made me feel like an outcast, never took and serious and always would tease me about being different, they never stuck up for me, I always felt alone emotionally, I am so misunderstood. There's no meaning to my life I'll never be the person I want to be, and I'm also scared of building a life because I know one of my family members will ruin it for me. I know this may sound confusing to those that's reading, I never talk to anyone about this because Im afraid of sounding like a pyscho path, I'm just going through a lot and I deleted all of my social networks. (Facebook, Twitter and etc) just so that I don't have to see everyone else's life, not that I'm jealous but because so I can try to focus on my own life and not try to compete with other people. I feel so helpless and hopeless, I never been suicidal and I still don't consider myself to be suicidal, I just want a peace of mind and end this depression and it seems impossible to do while I'm alive, so death would probably be my only way to peace, I believe in God but at the point on life I'm confused about what he wants me to do.
Reading these answers is giving me some hope... and I truly appreciate you all. I read each answer except for the first a**hole... I thank all of you for caring, and motivation. This depression just feels so impossible to shake and I refuse to take medicine because I refuse to rely on medication and it makes it so much worst.

[Richard]

Suicide is not the answer. We all feel this way at one point in our lives but we can overcome bad feelings. You are young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Depression is a illness. Talk to people about how you feel. (Trusted Friends and Family) and you will overcome it. Life is too short as it is. God wants you to trust in him. He loves you.

[Paige]

First of all, you need to sit down and have a nice long prayer with God. It's good to see that you are looking for help and advice rather than just going ahead and taking your life which generally shows more depression rather than being full out suicidal. Second thing I think you should do, is go on to Boston, try to start a new life. Sometimes, change can be all it takes to make people feel better and to be happier. What other people say doesn't matter and you'll never know if you can make it or not if you don't try. If you go and don't like it, there are always more options and anything is better than staying where you are and remaining depressed. The third thing and one of the most important things you need to do, is to love yourself. You have to learn to love yourself before anyone else will be able to. I wish the best for you sweetie and remember, life is constantly changing and it won't be like this forever.

[AJconcord]

I'm sorry that your going through this, I know how you feel. You shouldnt care what people think about you. " Its better to have NO friends then have bad ones", Be Strong! Be Confident! Focus on school and get good grades. If you gotten bad grades before Do not let that discourage you! Study and do good. You've got to get through this. I don't care what people think about me. You are not Alone so never feel like that. Don't think negative thoughts because then you will feel Negative.. Remember teen and young adults are the cruelist people in the world when it comes to looks, personality, race, etc. They might be doing good but motivate yourself to do better, everythings going to Work out for you, have Faith In God who will protect you from All Evil. God Bless!

[Pepin]

Wow it sounds like you have allot on your plate right now. First off I wish to share two things that helped me get threw a very severe depression. I won't go into the details, but lets just say that I had my reasons for feeling the way I did. Their were only two thoughts that made me not doing anything. The first was that if I did end it that would be the end to my story. However if I stuck things out their was a chance no matter how small that things might get better. The alternative was a guaranteed sad ending. The other thought was of the impact I would have on the people who cared for me. My ex-fiance had an uncle who committed suicide, and even though it was nearly a decade latter it still was with them every day. I remember going into his room and seeing his Nintendo and computer just sitting their from a decade earlier. I couldn't help but think and still do. Man I wish I could have gotten to know this guy. Even if it seems like their is no one in your life right now that would be profoundly impacted think of all the people who might have known you and had their lives better for it. I for one sincerely hope that you do not do this. The world will be a poorer place without you. Besides who knows what life will be like in Boston. I have a friend who lives their, and she says she adores it. Also about your family. For me at least it wasn't until I was much older that our relationship got allot better and deeper for the rough times we went threw. I hope this helps, and all I can ask you to do is to try and trust me here. Even though you have no idea who I am.

[miniaturesleet144]

Go to befrienders worldwide- get on email and hot lines- use them
Call 1800 273 talk.
You are a victim of some toxic parenting, family dysfuction and there is a lot of fear
connecting with people bc you think in your sub that the same thing is going to repeat.

Realize you have had toxic family dysfuction and get healed- don't get mad at yourself.
Get a therapist who can help and is skilled at family dynamics- You have to learn
to deal right with these people - who will start to destroy as you said your future good life.

Start watching joyce Meyer web shows everyday on her site. Strengthen your relationship
with your creator. Everyone has value from the creator- no one is better than another one.
We all have gifts. If you really believe that - then the fear you are feeling you must know
is a lie and the hopelessness also.

God wants you to get help- so it is very good you got off the facebook etc- bc that is
all bragging and competition and takes you off track- not just you- mostly everyone.
Concentrate on asking for and RECEIVING the help you need and taking baby steps
in the right directions- You have a right to be here and have a happy life- you never give
your value over to another human being- Your value came with you and is in you-
Other humans are not to be the judge of other humans bc they all have problems-
You need some loving guidance and kindness and a bit of support- and knowing with
total certainty you have value, you are here to do your gifts and be treated with respect
and anyone who wants to mess with that- better get out of the way.

[Pranav s]

telling someone especially telling your problems to a friend would be very good. someone who is a good listener. to whom you can pour out your heart. share everything that is in your heart it will make your heart very much lighter. try it once. tell each detail of how you feel and what kind of problems you are facing.
things will soon be fine.

[Caleb]

Suicide will not bring you peace. Instead, you will find yourself in Hell. You believe in God, that's good. I would read the Bible especially the Gospel of Jesus. Pray to God, and you will find peace and a reason to live. Yeah, life is hard, but if you follow Christ, you'll go to Heaven.

[Nikki]

You have a lot of strangers coming together to lift your spirit. You are obviously worth it because If you were truly alone the world wouldn't come together for you. I'll be praying for you. You'll be okay I know it.