How to talk to someone in a bar?

[Salak]

Hi I am new to the bar scene in England.

I go to a bar and see a group of girls sitting down drinking. I would really like to talk to one of them. How do I go about it? Should I send over a drink or go up to them? What can I say to them?

[aha!]

I don't have a problem talking to girls, but this is based purely on my experience.

If there is a group of girls, anything more than 3 would usually involve the group splitting into subgroups. Your target is to get the subgroup to talk to you. You then single out the target and isolate her to build on rapport, etc. Beware: never approach 2 girls and then try to single one out.

You can do this on your own or with wingmen, or better yet, wingwomen.

Sending over a drink to them requires you to be very suave, and them to feel obligated to talk to you. Not many nowadays follow those obligations and even then it would vary depending on who it is you're talking to. Of course, this can also be considered really lame.

To be honest, if you just walked up to them and chat socially with the group or subgroup, there shouldn't be a rejection; don't hit on them right off the bat - you don't even know if she is someone you want to know in the first place. Suss them out.

What to talk about - anything random and anything interesting. Random because it's spontaneous and it seems different to how every other guy is using the same approach (too much of the same thing can bore). I talk just about anything, I just need an excuse to engage with them. It's not really that hard.

There are plenty of books and theories out there. A simple google search can reveal thousands of pages of material to look through. Pick and choose what works for you and your personality.

Having said that, despite me encouraging you to do a bit of background research on the stuff, nothing will substitute experience. You can get pointers and hints from other more experienced people, but the thing that matters is your own experience.

You will also need to beware that you will experience rejection of some sort. It's like a number's game; a certain proportion will not be right for you, for them, or neither. There will be a proportion that you will get along with. It's kind of like marketing. Hence, you need to suss them out.

In any case, it's important that you enjoy yourself; if you don't, you're going with a wrong attitude. You're going there to have fun and you just happen to meet someone you like and click with. If you don't meet someone, you still had a good time.

Most would recommend you go with friends. Some do it for safety reasons; some for social reasons; some for self image. If you're there to purely pick up, you sometimes need to go at it alone and socialise with anyone you come across - guy or girl; just don't get too friendly too soon or open the floodgate. The end result is: they happen to meet someone really cool to hangout with, but he is there mainly for his own thing.

If you have problems starting, I recommend you talk to a lot of girls to get rid of any anxiety you have.

My interpretation may be very different to that of other people, so I would be curious to see what others will say.

Hope this helps