how can you see if someone really is in the army?

[CharlieFoxtrot]

You can't check some master list online of who is actually in the Army. There is no such thing.
But you can check a few things:
Be upfront. Tell him there are a lot of military romance scammers out there and you need him to do a few things. If he is legit, he will not be offended.
1. Ask him to send you an email from his official US Army email account that ends in .mil
2. Scammers usually say they are deployed. If he says he's deployed, ask for his APO mailing address so you can send him a care package. Tell him to write you back so you can see the military postmark.
3. Have a Skype video chat with him.
A scammer will tell you all those things aren't possible for some BS reason like "mail is too dangerous" or "I have a super high clearance and am not allowed".
A real Soldier can do all those things.

[indef]

if i had to find out i would ask a series of army related questions in person or over the phone. there are a number of things that basic training teaches every soldier and they should know by heart. reason i say over the phone or in person is so they have to respond right then and there so if there is any undue pause or apprehension in his/her reply then you'd know they are full of it.

i would ask basic questions like...

sing me the army song.
explain to me what standard weapons the army issues to soldiers.
tell me the soldiers creed.
...etc.

of course, if they are a veteran then they might know all of this. if you want to take it further you could ask for a copy of their current ERB (enlisted record brief) or ORB (officer record brief). i would also ask outright for phone numbers of their superiors in command to obtain some authenticity.

now... if they can pull all this off and still be fitting of a genuine imposter i would notify the closest army base CID (criminal investigation command) or perhaps the closest FBI field office so that this individual can be dealt with immediately.

[Ybi]

The fact that you asked means it is a scam. They target mostly middle aged women who are on dating websites and have been incredibly profitable the past decade.

It blows my mind how many women arrive here monthly confirming if their online fake boyfriend really needs money for transit home; no real service member needs your money. Sorry. It's most likely a Nigerian scamming you. Dont even fall for his lines of love and dedication, all a ruse to get your money.