Should I run in the other direction before he "puts a ring on it"?

[beautyandthebeat]

I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for close to 4 years with both minor and major hiccups along the way. The minor hiccups include things like brief separations due to employment and the major hiccups... well, that's why I'm writing. Issues are placed below in order of magnitude…

Major Issue #1: Last year I took his two children out to eat while my boyfriend worked. At lunch, his sons, ages 11 and 7 at the time, informed me that they had two different mothers- this would have been fine with me if I had already known that from my boyfriend’s mouth, but for 3 years he lied and told me they were both born during his marriage to his now ex-wife. The truth is that his youngest son was born to a woman he had a brief rebound relationship after his marriage ended. When I angrily brought this to his attention, he cried and told me that the situation caused him extreme embarrassment to the point of creating a lie for me and some of his less-than-close friends. When I found out that others (3 best friends and of course, family) were aware of his situation, I was devastated and felt terribly betrayed. Needless to say, we worked through the worst of that debacle, but not before most of my trust eroded…

Major Issue #2: When we met, I knew that my boyfriend was addicted to social media. He was an early adapter to Twitter, Facebook, Foursquare, you name it- and, quite frankly, he had a lot more free time then- he was in-between careers with no girlfriend. I only had a problem when it interfered with the time he spent with me- which was fleeting since he worked in a different city. Now, fast forward to last year (yes, everything blew up then): I find tweet from a “friend” of his (whom I have never met in the time we’ve been together) that says that he and she are at a restaurant in his hometown (he was there at the time). He comes back to me and tells me all about the restaurant, but leaves out the fact that he was there with her… so of course I tell him that his friend tweeted that place and he was there with her twice in two weeks for lunch. I tell him that this is cheating in my book. He tells me that she is a friend from high school- part of their big crew and not his type, but I find out that the girl is single and I really don’t know his type since me and the mothers of his children all look NOTHING alike. He tries to set up a meeting for us all to go out, but she declines- I think it was because he included “me and my girlfriend” in the invite. I ask him to leave (we moved in together before the debacle with his children). He begs and pleads- promises to do right… so he stays and does right for the most part.

Major Issue #3: I spot a suspect posting on his FB page. I ask him about it and he accuses me of “tripping”. My intuition tells me something isn’t right about the girl who posts the message… She seems needy because she’s posting a comment to almost every post. He tells me her story- she’s married with four kids- I say I don’t care, why isn’t she posting on her husband’s page?? He says it’s nothing. I tell him to unfriend her and he tells me that he will. Months pass and he leaves his phone on the floor in the bathroom- when I pick it up I see that same married heffa has commented on his post looking for workout music… I thought he deleted her… I later found out that she was inbox-ing him complaining about her husband- what I still want to know is why that chic couldn’t consult with a girlfriend for that? I went off and from that argument, asked for all of his passwords to everything he was on. He gave them to me and without hesitation, I shut everything down. It’s been a little over a year since that went down and he still has no FB or Twitter account. I also periodically check his email accounts.

I’ve already come to terms with the fact that my boyfriend had a big problem with narcissism (going so far as creating false perceptions of himself to look better to me and complete strangers) and a need to be captain-save-a-hoe for all of his little “friends” far too often. His naïve unawareness was once very charming, but now I am aware that he wants to ask me to marry him (close sources) very soon and I can’t help but to feel apprehension. Just looking for thoughtful opinions.

[CannabisQueen]

Run, run far away.

[Jason]

You're very insecure.

[l8tr g8tr]

He sounds like a peach! After 4 years what exactly is it that is tying you to him?

[bunnyONE]

You know him well enough, to know he is, a bonafide liar on many levels. You're really going to marry this guy? You ALSO know he is narcissic AND unlikely to change? You're really STILL going to marry this guy? He dangerously flirts and possibly more with other women on social sites, and you think that will END here and now with his proposal to you?

WRONG. He's sick, emotionally sick in several very serious way's that undermine ANY potential for a worthy, lasting relationship. He needs wayyyyy more counseling, intensive, for a vveeerrrry long time if he would to get himself "in check" with the reality of life, as in? An HONEST life.

I would not accept his proposal if it comes and I would by now, have a clue and be breaking up and away from him as not a potential mate for the rest of my life.

It sounds like you'll have to be knocked out and down by a "boulder" before you "get" these key, basic, succinct facts of who he is...Pity. Stand by to be his next "victim" if you accept his proposal.
You write smarter than that - but it's clear? You may not be if you're desperate to marry him...And already checking his "email accounts" seriously???? You do recall the word TRUST play's BIG in our marriage vows, right? Ohhhh weeellll...

Grace

[You asked so...]

Captain-save-a-hoe does not want to change. He is not ready for marriage to anyone. You know what you need to do but why are you dealing with this for so long? That is four years you cannot get back. You found a "tweet" and checks his fb page? He is a high maintenance and you will always have to check to make sure he isn't lying to you. He may change one day but in four years, it hasn't happened. He is full of drama.

[Red Barron]

You know you not only SHOULDN'T marry this dude, but if you have that many "major" issues, you shouldn't even be with him. If you have to police him THAT MUCH, it means you can't trust him, so the two of you are done.

[Mark]

You should run far away for HIS SAKE. You seem controlling to the point of exhaustion. No wonder he has kept things from you, you are a time bomb waiting to go off. These things you call Major Issues would not be major in a normal relationship. I hope for his sake he wakes up and realizes the hell he will be in if he does marry you. You sound like you are very insecure and could use some counseling for yourself, as well as taking some time alone to grow up a bit. Your boyfriend needs counseling also because he must also be insecure to put up with your meddling for so long.

Good luck to you.