I need help with my college essay!?!?

[Casey Ligi]

Here is my essay for the Marist College Supplement, the topic question was: Why do you think Marist College is a good educational fit for you?

Marist College is a good educational fit for me because they offer the finest professors, and latest facilities that support students to progress as individuals, and excel academically. Marist provides a friendly, warming, dynamic, and exciting educational atmosphere. I have been fortunate to experience the Marist educational system, collaborate with Marist professors, and utilize Marist resources.
As a student of Rondout Valley High School I participated in Science Research, a college level program. Science Research allows students to create an experiment with the guidance of mentors, who are qualified scientists. I contacted Mr. Elmore Alexander, dean of the School of Management at Marist College about my interest in marketing techniques, specifically atmospherics. He put me in contact with two professors, Dr. Vernon Murray from Marketing and Dr. Elizabeth Quinn of the Psychology and Social Sciences department. Dr. Murray, and Dr. Quinn were willing to act as my mentors through the duration of my experiment. The research tested the effects of vanilla aroma on prospective college students when diffused through the admissions office during informational sessions at Marist College. There was a control group of students who experienced no scent during the informational session, and an experimental group who experienced the vanilla aroma. A survey instrument was used to ask students to evaluate Marist College. Using statistical analysis we determined significance, and the results look promising. In collaboration, we have completed the research titled The Effects of Aroma on Prospective College Students Perception of Marist College.
Participating in research at Marist has given me an insight in my passion for business, and my desire to attend Marist College next fall. Working with Dr. Murray and Dr. Quinn has shown me that the Marist faculty is committed to education, with the willingness to work with high school students on scientific research I can only imagine the passion the professors have with their own students. I saw first hand how the educational atmosphere created by faculty sculpts knowledgeable and socially aware students. I wish to continue my education through the programs Marist has to offer and continue to work with my mentors to develop new marketing methods.

Good, no good? Does it need more, less? Be mean, and tough if I need it.

[SCORPIO]

Amazing! As long as it fits into the box you have it is an amazing piece.