How can I insure that my autistic brother grows into a responsible adult?

[ARK]

My little brother has Aspies (though we recently received intel that the term is now defunct and is now considered a smaller spectrum of autism) and it's pretty mild. HIs level of empathy and understanding of social cues are much different from the norm, but otherwise, he's just a normal kid, a really sweet, polite, respectful kid (most of the time). However, what I call (not to his face) "the monster" comes out and he can become irritable, crude, unreasonable, and extremely selfish. He's only 13, but it's like every principle he has learned in our household goes out the window when he's in his "mode". There are a lot of things he does not understand and I want him to have strong foundation of honor and compassion so no matter where he goes as an adult, he can handle his affairs with dignity...

But, he isn't getting much help with that. My dad is a TERRIBLE influence on him. All of my mother's attempts to discipline my brother circle the drain because my dad let's him do unconventional things with no consistency. Children with autism NEED consistency! He constantly undermines her authority over him and dismisses it like it's nothing, then wonders why he acts like a total brat when things don't go his way. When Mom says "No, you might not play video games" and Dad says "Go ahead" and tells Mom that what she said wasn't important RIGHT IN FRONT of the child, how is he going to perceive parental authority? I'm watching this boy unravel into something less than he is capable of being and it scares me. I really want to help him, but my dad is a major roadblock. We've tried talking to him over and over, telling him everything there is to know about my brother's condition so he can live a normal life and gain the tools to succeed, but my dad himself has ADD and NPD (though the latter wasn't diagnosed by a doctor, and anyone who knows about NPD can tell you it's hard to get a narcissist to believe something is wrong with him), so he never listens, or he'll listen then flipflop the next moment he gets. He likes to argue about things tic-for-tac, like yelling at my brother for not doing what he says exactly as he said it down to the bullet-point. You can't micromanage a kid like this, you have ot give him boundaries and goals and let him meet them on his own terms! It's so frustrating.

The last straw is when I got my brother two awesome Christmas presents, a big chunk out of my measly fast food paycheck, and my dad, on two separate occasions, revealed my presents to my brother for leverage. Leverage. Because he doesn't know how to leave people the hell alone when they're mad at him (for many good reasons) and he likes to bombard one's personal space with his almighty presence. It is so hard to do good things for my brother because he can be ungrateful and lacks empathy, and I wanted him to be taken in by the surprise of these presents. Last year, my brother wanted a 3DS, and my parents thought it was stupid to spend that much money on a little device that they read bad reviews on (if any of you know about the 3DS complaints), so my parents thought "Let's take it to the next level" and bought him an Xbox. A flubber-globbin Xbox. That's the present of presents for kids these days. My brother actually voiced a complaint to me when they were away that he got an Xbox instead of a 3Ds. The insanity! So I really wanted to surprise my brother, and giving him NO expectations makes it easy to give him gifts. He really is a good kid, in spite of his quirks, and the presents I got him are amazing. But now that's gone down the drain because he has expectations, and I can feel him slipping further down a moral grade. My mother is doing her best to learn about the way he thinks and raise him differently than how she raised me and our older sibling. I try to be a supportive brother and help him in his social and school life (parents aren't always helpful there). How can I help him with so many obstacles?

[Blue]

I'd suggest being gentle with him, and teach him some tough love, kids of all ages including adults need to learn self discipline because spoiling him will create rude awakenings for him when he enters the labor market.